When I was 5, my father got into drugs (mainly heroin). He lost his job and as a result, my Mom had to take a second job to pay the bills and I know that he beat her pretty badly when he was messed up. She tried everything in her power to try to help him off of the drugs but she never succeeded.
One day, when I was 8, my Dad came home messed up while I was trying to make myself some lunch in the kitchen and he babbled at me, turned me around and punched me in the jaw, which knocked me onto the ground. He broke my jaw and eye socket and I went unconcious for a little bit, I could hardly move. He rummaged through the house and the dog barked at him until a half an hour later, the neighbors called the cops and when I heard them knock on the door, I screamed as loud as I could and the last thing I remember was hearing them break down the door.
6 months later, my father was in prison and my Mother was divorcing him and we had moved into an apartment closer to my Grandma's house. I'm 24 now and every now and then when I drive into town I will see him. He is homeless and sometimes he holds up signs begging for "anything you can give", but he usually looks strung out.
The reason I ask is because of a girl I was dating a few weeks ago. She asked me about my father and I told her all of this and she said that I was cruel for not helping him because he is now just a weak, helpless homeless man. I personally don't give a rat's ass about how he has an "illness" or anything like that. I never even think about him. I no longer consider him my Dad. He's been gone for years. Am I really cruel for not trying to help him?
One day, when I was 8, my Dad came home messed up while I was trying to make myself some lunch in the kitchen and he babbled at me, turned me around and punched me in the jaw, which knocked me onto the ground. He broke my jaw and eye socket and I went unconcious for a little bit, I could hardly move. He rummaged through the house and the dog barked at him until a half an hour later, the neighbors called the cops and when I heard them knock on the door, I screamed as loud as I could and the last thing I remember was hearing them break down the door.
6 months later, my father was in prison and my Mother was divorcing him and we had moved into an apartment closer to my Grandma's house. I'm 24 now and every now and then when I drive into town I will see him. He is homeless and sometimes he holds up signs begging for "anything you can give", but he usually looks strung out.
The reason I ask is because of a girl I was dating a few weeks ago. She asked me about my father and I told her all of this and she said that I was cruel for not helping him because he is now just a weak, helpless homeless man. I personally don't give a rat's ass about how he has an "illness" or anything like that. I never even think about him. I no longer consider him my Dad. He's been gone for years. Am I really cruel for not trying to help him?
It's not your fault for his current situation, he consciously made the decision to direct his life towards a cliff.
A question, is he still on heroin? And if yes, have you tried helping him get off the drug?
I don't see him every time I come to town but when I do he looks pretty bad but aside from that I don't pay much attention. That guy hangs around some dangerous characters.
I tried explaining to her that it'd be stupid to get myself involved BECAUSE of the dangerous characters that he is involved with but she gave me some bullshit about how I should be willing to do anything for my father.
Just don't be surprised if you got the same/similar reaction next time. People react to such a situation differently due to experience. I know one friend who would find anything like this (your story) offensive because he lost his father at a young age. There is must be a logical explanation behind what she said.
I know that I have pissed a few people off before, usually they say things like what that girl I was dating said but most of the time they just say "Oh that makes sense" or something like that. I once had a Professor get on my arse for it in college and say that people like me perpetuate homelessness and poverty for not taking care of our familial duties.
I told her that men like him perpetuate the culture of drugs and violence within the household. I still ended up making an A in that class.
But do try (I know it's tough) to keep your heart open, in case the day comes when he's cleaned himself up and actually needs some compassion. If he ever tries to make amends with you, try to let him.
I'm sorry you suffered abuse, you have my sympathy.
I know that's a hard thing to hear, and you can still keep your distance from him, but the right paths in life to take are usually the hardest ones of all.