Do you think it's right for parents to have favorites?

Favorited (undo) Following (undo) 23 Comments

Well, as far as I'm aware, they can't really help it. I think it's wrong to act on it, though, and give the favourite special treatment.

Definitely no. You brought them all into the world equally, so why would you love one more? Plus they'll probably be able to tell, since you may give the favourite more attention without realising it. I don't even favour one of my pets over the other, so I definitely wouldn't play favourites if I ever have children.

Parents identify with their children. Usually, one child will posse the same traits and qualities as the mother or father. Hence why mom/dad will seemingly show favoritism to said child. It's because they are easier to relate to.

'Sometimes', the non-favored child will be able to relate better to their uncle/aunt or grandfather/grandmother, because they share the same traits and qualities with one another.

Something else that plays role in it. If the non-favored child reminds the parent of a sibling that they didn't get along with very well, they subconsciously project the feelings they have/had for their brother/sister on to their son/daughter.

There's a lot of variables too. Is it the first born, if it's a boy or girl, is one more beautiful/handsome? Etc.

I don't think it's wrong or right. I think it is apart of human nature. To gravitate towards your own. Even within a pack, there is a pack. As long as it doesn't effect the child in a negative way, I don't see anything wrong with favoring one child over the other.

And how much favoring are we talking about? Before I could make a judgment I would have to know the degree on it first. I try not to make generalizations. If I say "Yes" or "No", that's too blanket of a statement. For some families, I'm sure it's a 'yes' or a 'no', but in general? I can't answer, so I didn't vote.

I don't think it's right for parents to have a favorite. But it happens more often then it should. I can see why it happens too; either they have a child that is more disciplined, a child that has more of the same traits or the child might be more easy to educate. Or it can even be in reverse.

I have a friend that has a brother with Autism and she has told a me several times that she feels left out and I know she doesn't really want to tell me but she still does because she knows I won't say anything. Her mom always pays attention to her brother and seems to get ticked off if her daughter wants attention. But at the same time I'm really not there to know what is going on but knowing her mother I guess I could see it. :\ My friend never wants to be home much anymore because of it; she loves being free and hanging with her college friends. I truely am rather surprised that she hasn't gotten into trouble as much as she has. But I'm really glad she hasn't and that she is really enjoying her life. :)

I also have a feeling that my brother felt that way, even though thats not what was going on. I was going through a lot of things I'd ratehr not mention when I was little so of course my parents had to pay more attention to me. But luckly my twin brother had our older brother to look out on him too. My parents of course didn't ignore that he existed but they had to watch me more closely. I sometimes wonder if it did affect him in any manner because we both kind of just reversed. I use to be the quite reserved one and he was jsut a hyper crazy kid now it reversed. I'm more open and talk a lot and he is rather reserved and wants more privacy.

Of course not. Just like its not right for teachers or really anybody else to have favorites. I hate favoritism. I've never been anybodys favorite. :(

I think it's okay as long as the favouritism isn't acted on too much. It's obvious that my sister is the favourite. And it was embarrassingly obvious that I was my grandma's favourite.

Although I will say that some of the lack of favouritism was not my fault but my grandfather's. He was charming and social, always had a crowd around him at the pub, had a strong mathematical flair, an eye for the ladies, got into comically bizarre situations, but began to let people down, and eventually really let the family down by ending up in prison. My father was both intimidated and let-down by him. Apart from the prison part (yet, anyway) he sees me as a carbon copy and, as the parent rather than the child, he is able to show his ire and punish me for what his own father did. I was never going to win that one.

I have a favorite between my two sons. They will never know this. I make sure they both have the same things. The same discipline etc etc. I give lots of love to both of them and play with them both all the time. I would never never NEVER make this evident or tell the favored child he is favored. That's not fair for either child. But deep inside I just relate to one son more. I also find him more affectionate and sweet. But that's besides the point.

Being the youngest child of two siblings, of course I would say that I don't have any problems with it. Lol.

It's not right, but it's inevitable

I disagree that parents necessarily have favorites, although this CAN be true I think it is far from inevitable. Maybe you all "rank" relationships from best to worst, but really, how do you compare two or more completely different people?? Unless they are adults, how do you even know if you prefer the personality of one over the other? They aren't even finished forming their personality yet! And some ages are super annoying-- I find 9-12 year olds super trying, they aren't cute anymore and they aren't adult enough to give parents much of a break. If by "favorite" you mean right now, one kid is just more fun and makes you happier than the other, I guess I can see that, but I wouldn't call that a favorite. I think most parents who have favorites view their kids more as possessions and reflections on them than they do as independent people with their own lives to live. When you think "I only have my kid for 18-25 years to make them into awesome people, and my influence diminishes way before that" rather than "this kid makes ME happier", I think it is unlikely you will have favorites. I don't even have a favorite among my nieces, I can't imagine having one among my own kids.

right or not -it just happens.

It happens to almost all parents but they are never supposed to show it. A parent that shows it is weak and selfish.

It's normal.

I don't believe that my parents had favorites, but I think that, as the first born and as a very stubborn personality, my parents took out the brunt of their frustration with life and each other on me.

I think it is normal for a parent to have favorites, though. As a little bit of unexplained intuition on my part, I suspect that if I have multiple children, one of them will be very much like me and I will probably cut that kid more slack because I will be most able to relate to them and see their point of view. I hope that I extend the same courtesy to all of my kids but I can see myself being more lax towards a kid if they are much like me. However, if they are too much like me, they might not be my favorite. Opposites attract and what is alike repels.

Absolutely not.

My older sister was the star child. Growing up like that was awful. She was the smart one I was the other one. (I actually scored top 25% in my high school so I was a good student I just wasn't top 10%) My sister took an engineering major I took animation. In my sister's third year of college she had a complete breakdown. She switched majors without telling the family. She even had the gall to tell us she got an offer to work on the James Webb space telescope. I thought she was a fucking rocket scientist. We were all ready to see the first child graduate college, but we just found a million excuses and the next day when the newspaper had a list of graduates guess who's name didn't show up.

So my big sis was labeled the liar and the shame. And my mother looked at me and said "I guess you're the rock now." I can't describe a time when I was angrier at my family. My entire life my parents told me to be more like my sister and in one minute I get "well I guess you're the favorite now." And my sister she acted so high and mighty about her NASA job making me feel like shit and it never fucking existed. I don't know how to describe what I felt at that moment.

Me and my sister have this weird relationship where we're very close to each other because we understand how hard it was growing up with great expectation. At the same time we also resent each other because we were raised competing to be the better.

My initial reaction was to say that it is wrong to have favorites, but that would probably make me a hypocrite if I ever decide to have children.

Ideally, a parent should treat all of his/her children equally. However, this is not possible because there are a multitude of variables that make every person and situation unique. Plus, you cannot simply choose the degree to which you identify with and like someone.

It is normal for parents to have favorites. While favoritism is more apparent in some families than others, I'd say it exists to some extent in most, if not all, families.

I think it is perfectly fine for parents to have favorite, however I think it is wrong to openly express favoritism. Parents should try their best to take an interest in all of their children and appreciate each for their unique talents, or at least make an effort as to not over-support one child at the expense of another.

This is one of the toughest questions for a twin mother - tricky.
Personally, I think having favourites is terrible for children.
My two are so different - like identical in form, but individual in mind - they're 5, and James is a little more outgoing, and a bit 'louder', whilst Samuel is a touch quieter and more intimate - but both equally studious, and I love them both the same.
I am actually quite cautious of favouring one over the other, so I even make sure I kiss each goodnight the same amount!

xx