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How can we love someone that abuses us?
Favorited (undo) 19 Comments

Men and women do it all of the time. How can we love, or still love someone that treats us so badly?!
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Comments (19)
dappled
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
Those who are born in a cage yearn for the cage. If you've been treated badly, you fall into a pattern of almost wanting to be treated badly and you tell yourself it's love because it's all you've ever known. I didn't mean to make this sound quite so bleak. But sometimes life really is bleak.
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joybird
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
@: dappled
Not sure about that, dappled. In my own life, I knew how I did NOT want to be treated coz of my upbringing.

I read something last night about how people with low self-esteem ASK others to treat them well - yeah right, that'd work!! However, people with high self-esteen SHOW other people that they will not tolerate being treated badly.

I can only liken this to being in the pub with the lads. I do not tolerate crude jokes in my presence - which they all respect. However, some other girls are treated like scum in the same company - and put up with it!!

Just my thoughts ....

Anyhow, I think a lot of women think they love these bullies but if they made a list of what they love and what they don't love about them, I bet the don't love side would be longer. You can't truly love someone if you don't actually like them!
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dappled
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
@: joybird
Yeah, I agree, but I think we all know people who've stayed in an abusive relationship longer than they should and always thought the other person would change even though they know full well that they won't. Also people who move from one relationship like this to another, or people who do settle down with a nice person and then find something missing or boring. I don't think anyone (apart from masochists) consciously seeks someone to hurt them, but there does often seem to be an unconscious pattern where some people seek out what they are familiar with or - like you said - get what they think they deserve.

People can be so complex.
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FocoUS
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
I've been in a case like this. I thought it was a rough patch and he'd go back to normal so I stuck around. Then I realized he was on his best behavior the first 2 months and this was his normal self.

We love who they were and have trouble realizing that what we loved is gone.
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KindUhLame
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
I hear that Stockholm Syndrome is all the rage nowadays.
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Honestlyme00
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
Idk about guys.. But I know girls who stay with a guy who mistreats them bc the fear that they will never find someone who "loves" them
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Mrman10
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
I vote for "We are all masochists" because it was funny.
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Oli
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
I would have said all of the above but I don't think they're masochists.
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theytookthisone
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
Because they are codependent, insecure, lonely, and it's easier to be manipulated that way.
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bluesun
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
what the heck?? how come any one stay with some one treat them badly! what is this, animal zoo treatment or something. >,<
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UliNalaMansae
1 year, 8 months ago | pl
stockholm syndrome???
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4392Moron
1 year, 8 months ago | pl
We cannot, that is why I ditched my fuckn horrible parents when I was fourteen, and found my wonderful and loving husband for 38 years and still am in love with him to this day.
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zenji
1 year, 7 months ago | pl
Lotsa bdsm relationships.
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lisac1919
1 year, 6 months ago | pl
I think its because we can still see things about them that we like, and we know that deep down they are good people. That can make the bad stuff they do seem ok.

Because if it wasnt ok, it would be your fault; you hope that only his good charactoristics will come through when youre with him so you can prove to yourself that if you can make it work youre successful and if you cant then youre weak.
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thecoldhardtruth
1 year, 6 months ago | pl
I don't love anyone who abuses me so idk..
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annm2361
3 months ago | pl
Been told its called default mode.
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1000yrVampireKing
3 months ago | pl
Unconditional love.
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Rhuarc
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
I don't love anyone who abuses me. If you accept the abuse you deserve every bit of it.
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devilla
1 year, 9 months ago | pl
its not love then love means not having to be scared so...
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