I have a small dilemma here. I actually found out more about this girl before I even met her in person and before she even knew I existed.
Through various sources, initially, I found out that she was a single mother and that she she screwed 3 people whom of which I knew personally, one being a close buddy of mine. Some months later, ironically, that very same close buddy and I ran into her at a club. He then introduced me to her. From that moment on, apparently, I caught her eye considerably. She is a very cute woman and is very nice so we danced and we flirted with each other here and there.
Not too long after, maybe a few weeks, she came out and told me she wanted to get to know me better. Quickly, in response, I told her that her responsibilities as a mother, at least for me, would interfere with my need to have a full time relationship. I didn't however, tell her about those other three reasons (the men that she slept with). A few weeks after this, I think she must have let my response slip her mind. This was probably because every time I would see her at the club, we would dance and I would hold her close to me and treat her like gold. Again, she hinted at a relationship, but again I denied it.
The reason why I pulled forward with the affection was because I wanted to see if my heart would allow me to overlook her serious imperfections. That being said, every time I looked into her eyes or thought about her I couldn't help but think how her child would get in the middle of the relationship. Not to mention the stories those guys told me of how they made their way with her. I mean, with things going through my mind like that I knew right away that those ideas alone would cause the relationship to fall apart considerably. I believe my decision saved her some heartache. Don't get me wrong, I ended up falling for her, but at the same time, I knew her faults would cause that fall to wither away.
Ever since then, she's been making me feel pretty terrible by posting stuff online on how, time patience and the very will of two people who truly want to be together is the recipe to a great relationship and how nothing should get in the way of that.
Am I wrong for making this decision? It just seems that every woman who proposes an interest in me has some sort of significant defect that is highly unacceptable. Being a single mother and the sloppy 3rd and 4ths of my friends at the top of the list. And the worst of the worst being women who have criminal records and even one who had a pretty serious std. When will I ever catch a break? I feel like I'll never find someone lol.
Through various sources, initially, I found out that she was a single mother and that she she screwed 3 people whom of which I knew personally, one being a close buddy of mine. Some months later, ironically, that very same close buddy and I ran into her at a club. He then introduced me to her. From that moment on, apparently, I caught her eye considerably. She is a very cute woman and is very nice so we danced and we flirted with each other here and there.
Not too long after, maybe a few weeks, she came out and told me she wanted to get to know me better. Quickly, in response, I told her that her responsibilities as a mother, at least for me, would interfere with my need to have a full time relationship. I didn't however, tell her about those other three reasons (the men that she slept with). A few weeks after this, I think she must have let my response slip her mind. This was probably because every time I would see her at the club, we would dance and I would hold her close to me and treat her like gold. Again, she hinted at a relationship, but again I denied it.
The reason why I pulled forward with the affection was because I wanted to see if my heart would allow me to overlook her serious imperfections. That being said, every time I looked into her eyes or thought about her I couldn't help but think how her child would get in the middle of the relationship. Not to mention the stories those guys told me of how they made their way with her. I mean, with things going through my mind like that I knew right away that those ideas alone would cause the relationship to fall apart considerably. I believe my decision saved her some heartache. Don't get me wrong, I ended up falling for her, but at the same time, I knew her faults would cause that fall to wither away.
Ever since then, she's been making me feel pretty terrible by posting stuff online on how, time patience and the very will of two people who truly want to be together is the recipe to a great relationship and how nothing should get in the way of that.
Am I wrong for making this decision? It just seems that every woman who proposes an interest in me has some sort of significant defect that is highly unacceptable. Being a single mother and the sloppy 3rd and 4ths of my friends at the top of the list. And the worst of the worst being women who have criminal records and even one who had a pretty serious std. When will I ever catch a break? I feel like I'll never find someone lol.
Maybe the girl you really, really want doesn't want to be with you because of some fault YOU have and you just don't realize that. Ever wonder why you seem to only attract girls you find "unacceptable".....maybe the good ones don't want to be anywhere near you. Perhaps? Maybe not. Just sayin'...
And, your second question is very broad, so if you're using that to combat the way I feel, you might want to go another route. If I created baggage on myself and that baggage was the reason she rejected me, then I have nobody to blame but myself. If it was baggage that I had no control over, then I would be hurt, but at the same time I would not question her judgements.
Additionally, what's reasonable and unreasonable depends on what kind of person you are and how you were raised. If the girl I really, really want doesn't want to be with me because of some fault that I have and she doesn't help me realize that, then nobody is benefiting nor losing out on the situation. If that was the case, it would be best for her to let me know, just like I allowed this girl to know.
In any event, your last statement was very powerful. I do always wonder why I only seem to attract girls I find unacceptable. I also sometimes feel that the good ones don't want to be anywhere near me. But understand this, pretend you were raised in you "birth" environment and were never exposed to another environment so in that respect, everything in your current environment was the norm for you. Now, flip things around a bit and pretend that you were then exposed to an environment where everything was 100% better but then you were reverted back to the environment you came from. Now with that being said, how likely are you to go back to old habits or norms in your old environment, something you now consider "inferior"? Highly unlikely sir, highly unlikely.
You can ramble all you want, but there's gotta be some reason why all the 'wrong' girls are the only one's you're meeting. Either you're COMPLETELY unreasonable, or you're not up to par for the kind of girl you think you 'need'. It has to be either, or. Figure it out, then problem solved. Maybe you need to work on yourself, or maybe you need to reevaluate what's acceptable combined with whatever the hell it is YOU have to offer. Which is what, exactly?
And what do I have to offer? A big, loving heart.
Something's out of balance here, obviously. Are you approaching girls you feel are up to your standards? If so, are you immediately getting shot down?
Where are you trying to meet girls?
Do you have a job? A nice place?
What kind of baggage do you have?
But I don't have time for this really, I've seen the long winded responses you post and I hate that shit. Win your argument... by saying more than the other person. ;P
Just go watch Chasing Amy.