This started a few days ago, but has happened on and off my entire life.
I sometimes have bizarre and disturbing what-if scenarios that play out in my head. I.E, I'm at a friend's house, and I think, "What if I smothered him with a pillow and he died?" And I play through the scenario in my head, him dying, and the finality of it all, and his parents' reaction, and how horrible my life would be.
It's NOT a desire or an urge to murder or do these things. It's just a compulsive thought that makes me genuinely wonder, and it's extremely disturbing. It freaks me out, actually. It scares me. And I want it to stop. But like I said, it's weirdly compulsive. Just to "see what it's like." I'm afraid I'm going mad.
I sometimes have bizarre and disturbing what-if scenarios that play out in my head. I.E, I'm at a friend's house, and I think, "What if I smothered him with a pillow and he died?" And I play through the scenario in my head, him dying, and the finality of it all, and his parents' reaction, and how horrible my life would be.
It's NOT a desire or an urge to murder or do these things. It's just a compulsive thought that makes me genuinely wonder, and it's extremely disturbing. It freaks me out, actually. It scares me. And I want it to stop. But like I said, it's weirdly compulsive. Just to "see what it's like." I'm afraid I'm going mad.

It sounds as though you're repulsed by the idea of it.
You probably have anxiety. Could also be OCD, which is a form of anxiety.
There is no problem with it unless you can't deal with having those...
And you're not going mad. That grey blob in our heads is a complex and delicate piece of wiring that needs looking after. Best you get someone qualified to take care of it rather than anonymous names online ;-)