Sadism.
So recently over the past 3-4 months I've had these thoughts of ripping open girls. Not women just girls, usually between the ages of 3 to 9 yrs old. The desire comes in waves. Some days I'll be find and won't think about it much, but others it controles me day. I stay awake all night thinking about it. Replaying the thousand ways I could spread her open on my bed. I imagine blood pumping through her viens, nerves reacting with electrike intensity. Some days I'm unable to leave my house. I've always been a pedophile, since like age 12 and I've always been interested in decompisition. But never have I wanted to kill them. And it's not even so much the killing as it is the things leading up to the actual kill. The layers of fat spreading open under her chest, her guts in my hands. All these things interest me. So...is it normal?
NEVER act on your fantasies. EVER.
You are safe as long as you keep it in your head. Try writing stories or drawing pictures and keep them locked away for moments when you feel weak. never distribute them, it will get you in deep shit.
YOU have control over what kind of person you will be. Think of these thoughts as a test. Only when you act on them do you become a horrible person that deserves to die horribly.