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Is It Normal?
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Age difference
I am involved in a relationship with a beautiful 17 year old girl... I am 38.

The relationship is very odd, in that most of the time it is an almost parental kind of thing... she has had a very troubled life growing up and I give her guidance and advice... she has already begun to change and mature in many, many ways, all positive.

The problem is the large age difference between us - there is no legal issue, as the age of consent in this state is 16, and she is almost 18 - we have never had sex, primarily because of my own feelings of guilt over the whole thing. It's not even a "relationship" as such - most of the time it is just friendly, but every now and again it becomes something a bit more than that.

I realize that what she is getting from me more than anything else is a "father figure" kind of thing, and my own feelings for her are very confused at the same time. Half the time I feel like I am "in love" with her, the other half that I just love her in a platonic, mentor kind of way.

For the record, and to stave off any questions about it, she is not related to me in any way.
Several years ago, I was involved with her mother, which is how we knew each other. Her mother, and my family, would completely flip out if they knew the extent of my feelings for her - they think I am doing this wonderful thing, helping this troubled young lady through a rough patch in her life. I feel like the devil himself because of the other feelings I have for her... well, maybe not the devil, but at least Woody Allen.

Just looking for random opinions here...
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Comments (11)
ChrisUFC (7139)
2007-05-11 07:59:55
Well you know you should have never let your self get involved in this but at least you haven't had sex with her yet. You know if you dated her mom before then its definitely wrong to pursue a relationship with her daughter so my advice is dont fuck your life up by going through with this just stay that father figure and help her out and go find someone that's more your age and you will have more things in common with. If you know a relationship is impossible due to family and age then why continue? If their is no way then count your losses and move on. But like most people you will probably just follow your feelings so it doesn't matter what I tell you.
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humble_dude (7533)
2007-05-11 09:37:54
Yeap, she looks at you as her daddy. Does she have dad issues? Im guessing yeah, and it DOES make a difference in your scenario man.

Besides this, you dated her mother, how long do you think you can keep that up?

You better stay away from trouble man.
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spamjavelin (7659)
2007-05-11 12:53:32
ride the poonani
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smartass (8255)
2007-05-11 18:17:32
hump her man, you only gonna live once, might as well do it up the ass
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gizzie56 (8681)
2007-06-07 23:37:23
Hey i am 39 and i am married to a 60 year old woman, this year will be 14 years together and still getting along great.the point im trying to make is you can have a great relationship with somebody with a big age differance as long as you have alot in common, trust and some real good communication skills.also her being 17 you 39 i doubt she knows what she wants yet.the thing you had with her mother BEWARE!!
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kitty_time98 (8701)
2007-07-17 19:29:52
You almost seem like a gentleman, but all this is really telling me that you should stop dating her. Many people will shun you if they find out and you can't keep it a secret forever, just give it up, it'll never work out.
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October (10003)
2007-08-15 18:24:53
Well, if she is legal in your state and She is interested, you Might consider something more serious with her.

The problem is that she might be considering you a father figure - and Only At Times a potential bf, the heart of a girl that age is fickle, trust me.

I suspect that it would really mess up the relationship you had with her mother, were you to get Seriously romantic with the daughter.

My advice, next time things begin getting a little steamier than usual between you - sit back and TALK to each other about it.

Tobra
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raviolli123 (11644)
2007-11-10 19:28:47
u know, at first i thought it was lust.but i don't beleive so anymore. i dunn if what ur doing/thinking is right or wrong.i mean i'm only human. But i will say the way ur handling this situation is very mature. i think u feel a strong connection with her, that u have a lot in common and u like the fact that she depends on ur advice, u feel appreciated. but i dunno what true love is, if u think u love her don't be afraid let other's know, who cares what they have to say, they r not the one's in luv. im kinda confused myself i kinnda like this one guy but there's this racial thing my family may not approve of
but really thi sounds weird but im only a kid, so i dont really wuury bout that stuff much.yet
hope that helped
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strody (11707)
2007-11-15 00:34:24
Are you going to rock the boat
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apathy (11575)
2007-11-15 04:55:49
I figure since you need to ask the question, overall that it is not a good idea to date her. It's clear she has needy issues and yes as you mentioned may be seeing you as a father figure. Best thing to do is not get involved, anymore than helping her solve some issues, don't fall for her. When she gets older, she'll grow out of this needy stage and may hurt you, since at your age you'd be more ready to settle down. Be aware you may get a bad reputation too. There's no denying some of these big age gap relationships do work, but more often when both people are at a mature, probably over age 20 level.
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iluvredsnapper (8072)
2007-12-04 13:02:28
Get her on your couch and give her a passoniate kiss. See how she responds!
You may just get lucky!
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