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Dog Training

I am a recent immigrant from the UK to America, where I now work as a dog trainer. This happened in late March.

Everything was good for a while, and I was thinking of expanding the business by hiring Ted, an old buddy of mine who was also very interested in the field, oddly enough.

A week after hiring him, I noticed some of the dogs were a bit more listless than usual. It occurred to me that Ted might have made a mistake or something since he was still new, so I knocked on his trailer door the next morning and asked if he forgot to do anything.

According to him, he did everything exactly the way I had asked, and even went as far as to say that he ought to have gotten a raise. Several hours later, when he woke up from what my attorney has asked me to refer to as the 'lead pipe incident', I was already in bed and didn't really think about it until my conscience got to me. It was around 4 or 5 AM, and I decided to apologize to soften up my upcoming criminal record.

On my way down, I noticed most of the dogs were missing. I figured it was Ted trying to get back at me, so I drove up to his trailer again, and on my way to the doorstep I tripped over a jar. Before I knew it, a whole tower of jars seemed to have fallen down, and within moments -- I'm not sure what happened first -- the whole place suddenly smelled like chlorine and Ted burst through his door with a shotgun.

He turned to me, and would have shot me if it weren't for that split second when he realized it was me. He froze, and I looked around at the jars and noticed they were full of a strange off-whitish substance very thick to the touch and rather salty to the taste. A local policeman was nearby, about to drive off when he ran over to us, panting and unloading his 9mm on Ted.

I fainted, and my head apparently fell on the side of the trailer, because the paramedics said they rushed me to the hospital as quickly as possible. When I came to, I saw the policeman hovering over me. What he told me was not pretty.

Apparently, his scheme was to train them to sneak into people's houses and extract precious semen from top shareholders and company executives. He had prepared a menagerie of nubile Filipino girls to become pregnant with the illegitimate children of these executives so that he would raise them to be his own and then force the shareholders/executives to do paternity tests on said children, forcing them to give up most of their money on child support. He would then extort the money from said child at gunpoint.

I knew everyone knew that top executives have secret families, but I asked why anyone would believe that they would have secret Filipino children in the first place. I then remembered that Filipinos are the sexiest people alive and that most well-off people have 6 or 7 Filipino children already.

When they released me from hospital, I immediately had Ted fired and it was back to business as usual.

Is it normal to run a dog training service?
Do you think it's normal?
Does this story fit one of these flags? If so, click it! [Best Of] [Funny] [Interesting] [Weird] [Repetitive] [Lame] [Vulgar] [F*cked Up] [Fake] [Off Topic] [Innapropriate] [Adult]
Comments (7)
Summarise this post with another post and maybe I'll read the shit.
K-- Funny story.
what the f*ck
I didn't post this, look at my profile. Plus, I wouldn't waste my time on this shit.
pretty creative, yet unfunny and uninteresting.

I wish I would have paid to read this so

I COULD GET MY FUCKING MONEY BACK!!
ahahah this ones actually funny
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