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Good early morning to you all. My name is Frank, I'm from New Zealand and have just come from a great market discovery. This is how it came to be.

Seana, my coworker and prostitute (I don't work at a cathouse, she just has two jobs), got to talking to me the other day. Before you ask, no, we're not really friends per se and she is as interesting as a blunt vegetable minus the anal penetration factor. But it was better than working, so we kinda got into a discussion for five or six hours, give or take a day.

Well, in all honesty, it was more than a discussion. In any case, I learned that her dog Frumples had recently been neutered, but that he was now reluctant to accept food or beverage and pretty much spent the majority of the day vainly attempting masturbation. And so, a thought struck me:

Although it was virtually impossible to reverse a neutering, I thought that if I were to implant a cosmetic device that would resemble the dog's genitalia that would react in the same way, and implant it into the skin, the dog would not be able to tell the difference!

I scribbled some things down the next day, and immediately went to my plastic surgeon, and immediately melted him with a magnifying glass. Then I consulted a medical professional who worked in the field of cosmetic surgical procedures usually including plastic and asked if it were possible. Luckily for me, he was helplessly out of work after that incident in which he replaced a perfectly good nose with a not-so-good-working testicle just for kicks.

In any case, the next few weeks were spent in his office, carving this, melding that, sodomizing this, until we had successfully planted the first replacement set of genitalia to a living dog.

Little did I know that it was, in actuality, a highly explosive cartridge that game me quite the blast of pre-extracted dog semen as well as an odd prickly sensation reminiscent of the radiation dosage I had received when I visited the USSR back in '86.

It turns out I was actually rather high for that whole turn of events, and had really and rather inadvertently asked for him to build a miniature thermonuclear power generating device. Unfortunately, the non-existent containment field ruptured in a matter of literally no time, and I am now a radioactive sludge monster bent on world domination.

Are spontaneous mutations normal?