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First, an introduction. My name is Komander Vassily Laika, and I am to be member of the 2015 manned mission to the moon. We plan to build a permanent base there to tap its energy resources and to dispatch a crew to Mars between 2020-2030. This is my first journey into space. I am excited but also very nervous.

As you may know, the Roskosmos has had much difficulty with lack of funding. But lately, with economy boom of 2005 from oil and gas export prices, funding outlook was much improved. It is time of rebirth for our great program and country!

To you, this mission I take may seem very far in the future. But I live in much fear I may disgrace my country and RFSA due to health problem that no one yet knows of. I would not burden my wife or other family with these details. It is my hope that kind strangers like yourselves might offer advice.

You see, I have very bad problem of the colon, and space travel may make very much worse. The space shuttle has toilet much like those on earth. The waste is moved with air, then compressed and stored on the ship until landing. If I would be in toilet when the ship travels through the Van Allen Belt, that could make trouble. In zero gravity, same trouble.

I have been told by doctor of family that I should not go! He says such travel could cause "colonic and intestinal implosion" if I am in toilet. This means that my fecals will very likely to eject through all holes in the body. And also, he says changes in pressure may create new large hole where spinal column is projectiled out. Splattering bones, blood and fecals might kill my comrads on mission. This could be very bad.

Should I risk this mess of the fecals and take chance at glory? Or stay home and tend to father-in-law’s Evorsk Vole herds? Please help me, and I am very grateful.