Storytelling Made Easy

I had forgot to lock the front door to the house. As I turned over in bed, I found that Adolph Hitler and a large well endowed horse were next to my bed.

Oddly, the horse was standing upright on his hind legs holding a small Oreck vacuum cleaner. He had this wild look in his eyes. Hitler was wearing a nun's outfit looking like a demented flying nun a'la Sally Fields. the horse turned on the vacuum cleaner and then........

I'm confused...which story is the continuation?

The ambulance was on its way, however this usually takes at least 2 minutes which was enough time for the horse with the vacuum cleaner to suck up the sheets on my bed...I was naked with a horse and Hitler dressed like a demented flying nun. Hitler held his hand in the air and the horse ascended upon me. At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along

And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second you'd back to bother me

Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble, did you think I'd lay down and die

Oh, no, not I-I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey
Just then...the ambulance arrived

The distorted sounds of the sirens penetrated my ear. I was trying desperately to shake off the horse, but it wouldn't budge. I could hear the maniacal laughter of Hitler as he viewed me struggling with this horse which was endeavouring to perpetrate (penetrate?) these horrible acts. The paramedics arrived. "Holy fuck and half, what the fuck is this?" i heard them say collectively. Pulling a syringe from his holster, one of the meds went straight for Hitler, speaking in befuddled german, hitler pulled a gun out of his pocket and shot the syringe out of the paramedics hand, shattering the shatter-proof plastic and sending the liquid through the air. Hitting the horse straight in the eye, the liquid enraged it, the horse lashed out, king hitting all three approaching meds with its giant cock

And what a magnificent cock it was... I began to drool slightly. I gingerly stepped out of my Monday printed underwear and aligned my ass with the straining and bloodied cock. "Knucky!" screamed my uncle, stepping out the shack in his pink leotard, his greasy mullet still uncombed. "Drop that cock and come shower with me!" This sounded very appealing, so I...

Great mashup, there!

i let out a mighty scream at the sight of...... a can of ice cold Slim-Fast so I drank it felt refreshed.

The SlimFast was refreshing but now I had the faint smell of my Uncle's colon in my nostrils. It was strangely appealing. It aroused me no end.

Just then the phone in the shower rang. I answered it, afraid, as usually phone calls at two in the morning bring bad news. It was my old high school friend Tom Cruise. Yes, THE Tom Cruise. He was frantic...."Slim! Slim! I was just in this gay bar tonight and I met this guy claiming to be Adolph Hitler! He was asking questions about you. He had your address and there was a horse with him too. I tried hitting on the horse but strangely he was dis-interested in me as most horses love to mount my ass!".... "Tom! Tom!" I said, "Calm down! Hitler and the horse are here now. Come on over and have some fun with us!". I heard the phone on Tom's end hit the floor and could hear his running footsteps fade.

The bathroom door broke open with a mighty crash, it was the horse. He got into the shower and sunk his perfect cock into my waiting pudding hole. It's thrusts were firm but loving. I could feel the fist sized head of it stroking my heart. The horse's steel shoe clad hooves broke away the tub and then the floor. The floor began to give way under it's massive weight. We crashed through the floor and into the apartment below. It was the apartment of......

It was the apartment of......2Girls1Cup. They were filming an episode and posted it on the internet at http://www.2girls1cup.com/. They looked a little exhausted after filming, so I offered them a couple of Slim-Fasts which they drank. They both smiled and ......

...the band Einsturzende Neubaten dropped in to serenade the revelers. After a spirited rendering of Halber Mensch, Hitler grew weary of the band's nonlinear progressions and told Blixa Bargeld to stick a sausage up his ass. Blixa was unsuccessful in his efforts and left in disgrace. Adolph and Tom were now quite bored and eager for more merriment! Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Tom minced eagerly over to open it. To his amazement, there was ...

A spaceship. "come!" shouted a rather skinny man from the ramp of the waiting ufo. "Katie!" Tom shouted to the man "my love! The prophesy is fullfilled! We shall now take out unmedicated Theta spirits and fight the aliens and their evil leader Xenu and prove to the world that we are not a fried pussy cult but that Scientology is THE TRUE RELIGION!" Then Tom got into the spaceship, wich lifted up into the night sky and promptly exploded.
"I guess Xenu got him anyway" I laughed, and took tom's giant dildo out of his purse and began fucking myself with it.
"Knuck!" Shouted Hitler is his sexy gutteral german voice, his giant erection leaking liqiud fire. I licked my lips as...

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

said a man in a bleak wind november

as Hitler's massive penis became a bizarre flame thrower spewing liquid fire. He slowly pirouetted around. The apartment became a hellish blaze. The 2girls had been rendered unconscious by a reading of Edgar Allen Poe that had oddly emanated from the living room wall. They had fallen into a deep, deep sleep due to literary boredom. Their bodies were now drenched in Hitler's penile fire. The horse stood by, the firelight cascading over it's body as it giggled madly at the sight of the crackling bodies.

At that moment the door burst open, flying into thousands of splintered pieces as if it had exploded from within itself. A man now stood in the doorway with his chest and shoulders high. He bellowed out in a roaring, super-hero's voice "I AM SERGEANT WILLIAM MORRISON!! I WILL SAVE YOU!!"

Hitler and his cohort horse reeled in terror as Sgt. Morrison reached over to them and..........

...as Sgt. Morrison was just about to perform his life-saving gesture, the sudden explosion of a Gewehr 43 blew the top of his skull completely off. The rifle had been fired by Joseph Mengele, who resented Hitler's pyrotechnical display and envied his massive penis. Dr. Mengele shambled slowly towards the slumbering bodies of the 2girls, one hand gripping a retractor and a bottle of chloroform; the other stuffed firmly down his pants. His maniacal grin widened, and he reached down for the girls' ...

....shoes. I watched as 'the angel of death' promptly stuck the heel of one red shoe up his ass and then proceeded to make love to a black patent leather pump. Having saved the shoes, he appeared to care nothing about the girls who suddenly burst into flames. Saved by Mengele, Hitler collapsed to the floor, his fire-spunk drained and the horse continued to watch the scene in amazement. I was left alone with the horse, a spent Hitler and a preoccupied Mengele in the burning apartment. I spotted the extinguisher in the kitchen and ran for it....holding the cannister I pulled the trigger and with my great plume of white froth, I extinguished the burning babes and Sgt. Morrison. Surprisingly, Mengele was still occupied with the shoes. I clicked my tongue and the horse perked it's head, then approached me and I was able to get up on its back. I looked at Mengele and said "I am Knuck, this is my buck, if it's shoes you wanna fuck, I am soooo outta here and away we galloped....

...and in the distance there could be heard the richly chromatic sounds of Richard Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen. The soul of Wagner had been awakened by the explosive action and the various odors of horse dung and der fuhrer's froth. He raised his hands as though to conduct an invisble orchestra, but his leitmotif was all too clear. His long-dormant plans to destroy the Zionist agenda could finally be realized! But now that he was only a shadow, he would need help to carry out his plan. And that help could only come from the hands of ...

Awww, sorry about that! I'd already written this and didn't realize you'd posted your response. Maybe the next person can sort of work our two contributions together into the next response somehow...

...Elie Wiesel! Yes, it was the super-Jew himself, a bit worn and cranky after his long trip from New York, but fit and ready to fight the newly shaven Wagner. Fortunately, he just happened to have a copy of his tome Un di Velt hot Geshvign handy, so he flung it onto the exposed ball sac of the long dead musician and said, "Fuck you, Richard! Your music sucks sauerkraut!" Richard collapsed into a shimmering sphere of light which glowed only briefly, then collapsed onto itself and left only a trickle of thin smoke. Elie was victorious. But there was an enemy, the one that he feared the most, who was lurking in the shadows! And that enemy was ...

...rising from the earths shadow. The world slowly falling into a new perspective of hell. The armies stood chanting "die" to the hero and her band of light. She rose and stole the the jewel of her people and made the armies bow to her might. The bodies in the enemies armor deterierated. She had rose to the challenge of her people and then destroied the jewel for it never to hurt mankind again. "Victory" shout the army of light...

...as the earth then began to feel the bleak November breeze. Menrar the woman that defeated the army kill her uncle, the last living Lord of Shadow. She drew her mighty sword stabbing it slowly into the heart. To her little home town she returned to find that the town was burned to the ground. Her followers left her in the town to die. The the Akamataratu leader came behind her and offered her to come train with him. She cut her hair an d was renamed Nevar, the last living woman of the Aka. She now wore black robes and lived a life of a murderer...

Hitler! He was back! Eli gasped as he watched the chubby german unzip his fly and wink seductively at him.
"Heir Weeezel, come and get somma dis" the dicktator shouted, pulling from him pants his giant log of flesh that was still leaking fire.
Eli stared at the man for a moment. And continued to stare. And then, decisevely, flipped him the bird.
"NOOOOOOO" moaned the angry german, and from the shadows came a million tiny lawn gnomes that hastily tore him limb from limb.
I suddenly had a stange feeling of deja vu...

dude i didn't that is from my first book that is getting published as we speak...just in a summerized version...

...rising from the earths shadow. The world slowly falling into a new perspective of hell. The armies stood chanting "die" to the hero and her band of light. She rose and stole the the jewel of her people and made the armies bow to her might. The bodies in the enemies armor deterierated. She had rose to the challenge of her people and then destroied the jewel for it never to hurt mankind again. "Victory" shout the army of light as the earth then began to feel the bleak November breeze. Menrar the woman that defeated the army kill her uncle, the last living Lord of Shadow. She drew her mighty sword stabbing it slowly into the heart. To her little home town she returned to find that the town was burned to the ground. Her followers left her in the town to die. The the Akamataratu leader came behind her and offered her to come train with him. She cut her hair an d was renamed Nevar, the last living woman of the Aka. She now wore black robes and lived a life of a murderer...

I had seen this before. But where?

The room was lit by flickering remnants of fire from Hitler's penile inferno. I could hear giggling coming from a corner of the room. It was the horse, He was still there sitting child like. He was holding something in his hooves. Two small elongated boxes. I couldn't see clearly. My eyes were stinging from the smoke in the room.

As the smoke cleared I could see the horse still giggling in the corner. It was odd how this horse could use his hooves to manipulate objects with such dexterity. It was truly strange, almost supernatural.

Hitler, after a brief huddle with the Gnomes walked over to the horse. I moved closer. Hitler stroked the horse's mane and said "Mein kleines Pony, mein kleines Pony. Wie ich liebe, Ihre massive aufrichtung an der arbeit aufzupassen.". He then walked to a large cabinet in the room.

I moved closer to the horse to see what it had in it's hooves. The horse looked at me and smiled with glee. He blurted like a giddy schoolboy, "Look! Look! It's the new Mattel Beach Fun Barbie and Ken!!". I looked and there they were, the plastic sleeves shimmering in the firelight. His hooves deftly removed them from the packaging. He was excited as a child on Christmas.

The horse rummaged through a heap of matter which used to be a desk and from it produced a black Sharpie marker. He popped off the top. The actions of his hooves still amazed me. He place it gingerly to the face of Ken and drew on a Hitler mustache . At that point he began playing with the dolls. He enacted a rape of Barbie by Ken Hitler which quickly progressed to him having Ken Hitler copulate with Beach Fun Barbie. The horse laughed maniacally as he went on.

I returned my attention to Hitler who was standing in front of a large armoire from which he had produced a woman's blonde wig, a halter top, nylons, black stiletto heeled boots and a pair of blue jean hot pants. He put the garments on slowly as he fondled his breasts. He would close his eyes in ecstasy as he did so. He finished dressing and pulled from the armoire a strange looking device. Very alien in appearance. It glowed and hummed a soft pitched tone. He pointed it to the lifeless body of Sgt. Darwin Morrison and..........

...snap, nothing happened. FUCK THIS said hitler, throwing the device straight at the horse, hitting it square in between the eyes. The horse did not take kindly to this disruption in his fucked up Mattel fantasies, as by he now he too was re-enacting the sexual rendezvous of Ken and Barbie. "Barbie was just about to put out again!" raged the horse. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" blurted Adolf, "Charlie the motherfucking Unicorn?" "sorry", said the horse. Just then, kaboom, "Oh zhit" exclaimed Hitler, it's Samuel L. Jackson!"
"Thats right motherfuckers, im here to tell you that motherfucker is the motherfucking copyright of motherfucking me, SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON! And now, i'm gonna have to motherfucking...

...kill Hayden Christensen! That motherfucker can't act his way out of a motherfucking paper bag, and then he KILLED me in a motherfucking STAR WARS movie. What the FUCK? Billie Dee Williams got to LIVE in Star Wars V! Damn nigger got not one DAMNED hair on his hair rearranged in that movie -- yeah; that's right! And then 'I' get eaten alive by a motherfucking mutated shark in Deep Blue Sea? Ain't NO motherfucking justice for a nigger in this world, and..."

But his ravings had begun to wear on the nerves of both Hitler the horse, so as Samuel continued his maniacal bitchfest, they crept up slowly behind him, and ...

offered him a Mentos, the fresh maker!

Samuel accepted the Mentos. It was orange-creme-mint flavor. Samuel popped it into his gaping facial hole. "Mmmmmmmmmm! That's one damn good Mentos! Damn! I sure do like Mentos!". What Mr Jackson was not aware of its that they were specially treated Mentos that Adolph offered to many an unsuspecting stranger. They were coated with LSD. Hitler smiled an evil grin and clasped his hands..."oh! Heir Jackson! I am zo glad you like my Mentos!". The horse was rubbing his front hooves together and licking his lips, "Dolph Baby! Can I have one too!!??? Man! I haven't been "enlightened" in over a month!". Adolph tore the paper of the Mentos roll a bit and tossed one to the horse in air, "Here you go by little pony love. Catch!" The Mentos tumbled through the air, rolling, glistening in the firelight. The horse's mouth snapped it from the air. He giggled a Scooby-Doo-esque laugh and retreated wide eyed to his corner.

Adolph and Samuel engaged in conversation, a short time passed and Samuel remarked, "Man! Your face! It's melting! Dude! What's going on here!? Did you drug me? Cool!".

Hitler smiled and said.........

"mmmm... that is a nice ass on that jew" then slapped himself. He then pulled out a tommy gun and shot bullets in the bitch. "HAHAHAHA" he laughed so hard he died. The damn american army found his corpes in a small bomb shelther saying he shot himself even after it was a soldier that did it. The world was at...

ease, but not for long since the Tommy Gun scene was only a brief dream as Hitler had dozed off from boredom due to Samuel Jackson's hallucinogenic ramblings. He was happy that he hadn't actually laughed himself to death. The horse was still in the corner of the room. A few hours had passed and the horse was now peaking on Hitler's special LSD Orange Creme Mentos. The horse sat there examining it's hooves as he waived them about in front of his own face.

Hitler dug into his hot pants pocket and pulled out a seriously crushed package of Hostess Cup Cakes. He wrestled the package open and thought it would be easiest to squeeze them out into his mouth. The horse spied them and mumbled, "Mmmmmm....cup cakes...cup cakes...CUP CAKES" and bit off the Barbie Doll's tits. He was transfixed on the Barbie Doll. He spouted a drug induced giggle and stuck the doll into Samuel Jackson's urethra. Samuel had no reaction as his mind was somewhere else in an acid haze.

Hitler walked up to the horse, "Mine darling little pony. We must move on before ze sun rises. We have an appointment to keep."

The horse nearly levitated up from the floor as if the LSD had somehow amplified his seemingly supernatural powers.

The appointment Hitler spoke of was with......

Dr. Haneef! Why yes the accused Indian terrorist! Who left Australia after being fucked-over by simple-minded bureaucrats! "He was about to destroy ze Glasgow you know pony-love!! Something i could never do! I zrespect him for that!"
"I think his house is just down the street", said the horse.
"How?" Asked Hitler
"I read it off your Prison Break styled back-tattoo map!!"
"Ahz yez that, wat wazte of 5 grand zat was"
A little later, they arrived at the doctor's residence, with Samuel L. Jackson safely bound in the boot, the muffled sounds of motherfucker on repeat could still be heard however, and Haneef enquired as to what was going on as he opened the door.
"Zhit is nothing"
"Doesnt sound like fucking nothing, you fucking mocking me?" And with that haneef grabbed both Hitler and the Horse, and dragged them inside.
They opened their eyes once inside and saw...

Zsa Zsa Gabor, Bill Clinton and Catherine Zeta Jones totally naked in a small wading pool filled with Marmite. The Marmite was overflowing slightly, staining the carpet on the floor.

Dr. Haneef looked at them in a fright of paranoia and asked, "Did anyone follow you here?". Hitler shook his head in the negative. "good" replied Haneef. "well, now I can get back to business" as he poured a large jar of Marmite over Zsa Zsa's head. She reveled in the experience. Rubbing the Marmite into her hair and under her armpits.

Hitler, standing there in his hot pants outfit was becoming very aroused at the sight of Bill Clinton bathed in Marmite. The horse, still peaking on the LSD was staring in amazement at his hooves.

Haneef inquired about the boot and Hitler then released Mr Jackson. "Mother fucker. Man! It was getting hot in there!". Mr Jackson reached around and began pulling the Beach Fun Barbie Doll out of his ass.

"Is that a new Beach Fun Barbie Doll!!!??" Haneef exclaimed. "Why yes mother fucker, it is" replied Jackson. Haneef was over joyed and took it from Samuel's hands. It was covered in thick brown rectal goo. Haneef rubbed it clean with his hands. "Oh, such joy" he remarked. "I have been looking for a Beach Fun Barbie for two hours now, to add to my collection of Barbie and Ken dolls." He walked to a wall in the room. The wall was all shelves, packed with Barbie and Ken dolls. Haneefs massive collection of the famous doll line. He had them all. The horse suddenly became excited at this and...........

shit out an enormous cheese log followed by two bottles of Chardonnay, four wine glasses, a cutting board and some water crackers.

"Oh mother fucker! It's a snack!" exclaimed Jackson. The front door burst open and Alex Trebec burst into the room. He produced a small handgun and shot Samuel Jackson directly between the eyes. Killing him permanently with no hope of him ever coming back into this story. "I am so tired of him saying 'mother fucker' so much!" spouted Trebec. "Goodnight gentlemen" and he left into the night. "Wait Mr Trebec! Wait!" shouted the horse. "I want 'Famous WWII characters' for $600!!!"but it was too late. Alex had disappeared. Thank God. "Damn!" protested the horse., "I love that TV show!"

The horse turned to see Dr. Haneef sucking on the cheese log. Hitler was swilling a bottle of the Chardonnay. He paused for a moment and said.........

wanna play dolls?

"Hell no, I don't have time to play dolls." said Samuel Jackson. "I have nine plus lives and I'm gonna find that Alex Trebec if it's the last thing I do!" Just then his friend 50 Cent shows up says...

"Samuel! You bozo! I am not really your friend man." 50cent produces a large handgun and blows off Samuel's head. Samuel, moments later comes back to life for his third round. "Ha! Mother fucker! I though you was my freend!". 50cent laughs near uncontrollably and repeats the process six more times therefore using up all of Mr. Jackson's nine lives.

"There, finally, he's dead. I couldnt stand that Mo'fo! He fucked MY mother!" 50cent returns the gun into his pants waist where it snuggles up to his large flaccid penis, warming it gently."Damn!" exclaims 50cent. "What an asshole he was!".

50cent turns to the horse,"Hey Mr. Horsey, I would LOVE to play dolls with you!". The horse giggles with delight and he and 50cent sit down for a game of Beach Fun Barbie and Ken molestation. "Man! This Beach Fun Barbie has no head" 50cent comments, "and she smells like shit man!". The horse smiles coyly.

Hitler's cell phone rings, playing it's MIDI version of "Deutchland Uber Alles". He answers the call. His face lights up with pleasure. "My darling!" he beams. On the other end of the call is.........

50 Cent's wife asking where her husband is. She says that Samuel Jackson's girlfriend is in town looking for him. His girlfriend is pissed off at him for leaving the stove on. Hilter looks surprised and.....

.....tells 50 Cent that his wife is on the telephone wondering where he is and that Samuel's girlfriend is looking for her boyfriend. Hitler also tells him that Samuel's girlfriend is pissed off at Samuel for leaving the stove on. 50 Cent grabs the telephone and says "Hey babe, I was just thinking about you. Where are you at? I'm here hanging out with my buddy Adi and his horse. I blew Samuel's head off with a large handgun so just tell his girlfriend (now wife) Latanya that he won't be coming home for supper. Samuel's daughter Zoe will have to find herself another daddy. Just then Akon shows up and starts singing 'Sorry, Blame It On Me'.

As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
And I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don't want to take responsibility for

I'm sorry for the times that I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I'm sorry for the times that I had to go
I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I'm sorry for the times I would neglect
I'm sorry for the times I disrespect

I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done
I'm sorry I'm not always there for my sons
I'm sorry for the fact that I am not aware
That you can't sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I am so proud to call you my girl

[Bridge]
I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

[Chorus]
You can put the blame on me [4x]
Said you can put the blame on me [3x]
You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn't know what to do
[Sorry, Blame It On Me lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Sorry that you had to go and sell those bags
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn't agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I'm sorry that you had to do it on your own
I'm sorry that I went and added to your grief
I'm sorry that your son was once a thief
I'm sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would've listened and not be so bad
I'm sorry your life turned out this way
I'm sorry the FEDS came and took me away

[Bridge]

I'm sorry that it took so long to see
They were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I'm sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani
I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
in a 21 and older club they say
Why doesn't anybody wanna take blame
verizon out back disgracing my name
I'm just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I'll take that blame
Even though the blame's on you [3x]
I'll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me [2x]
You can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me

Source

Afterwards...

Afterwards, I suddenly came back to myself and remembered that this story started out in the first person! "damn" I said, "I missed out on some LSD" So I walked over to the horse, leaned down, and took its enormous cock in my mouth, sucking out the urine from its bladder. The remnants of the LSD quickly ran through my system, and I began to see sound... "enore!" I shouted to Akon, but he was already dead, shot by Fiddy. The horse was standing over him, attired in a black dress and viel. Hilter was too busy having sex with Samuel Jackson's corpse to notice.

[Your contributions are magnificent, but could we keep the killing of characters to a minimum so that people can still write about them. Thank you.]

[I wanted to write more about Akon but now he's dead.]

I took a shovel and dug graves for both Samuel Jackson and Akon. I then buried them with their families and friends present in the pouring rain of course. Days later, an earthquake shook the ground and...

Samuel L. Jackson rose as a zombie killing the people like Mace Windu. Orochimaru then took a malotoff cocktail and threw it at him. No zombies dead yet. He then took out a 12-guage shotgun and blasted the zombie's head off. It was a mask, fore Sandaime Hokage came out of the body suit. "Ninja Art: Reaper Death Seal!" The Third Hokage said! He then sealed Orochimaru's arms parralizing the arms of Orochimaru. The sound ninja evacuated the attack on George W. Bush! Taking Orochimaru to find a new body and became a demon...

...rising from the earths shadow. The world slowly falling into a new perspective of hell. The armies stood chanting "die" to the hero and he band of light. He rose and stole the the jewel of his people and made the armies bow to her might. The bodies in the enemies armor deterierated. He had rose to the challenge of her people and then destroied the jewel for it never to hurt mankind again. "Victory" shout the army of light as the earth then began to feel the bleak November breeze. Orochimaru that defeated the army kill his uncle, the last living Lord of Shadow. She drew his mighty sword stabbing it slowly into the heart. To her little home town he returned to find that the town was burned to the ground. Her followers left his in the town to die. The the Akamataratu leader came behind her and offered him to come train with him. He cut his hair and was renamed Nevar, the last living man of the Aka. He now wore black robes and lived a life of a murderer...

but he knew in his heart he was gay.

So off he went to The Ramrod Club, a local gay leather bar. Nevar walked through the doors and every eye in the club was upon him. A diminutive little, pansy of a man walked up to him and in a meek little voice said "Hi there big boy!". Just then Nevar took the small flamer in a Gone With The Wind-esque embrace and they sucked face for a few minutes. The little poofy man fainted in Nevar's arms. N The crowd of gay men rushed himevar released him and he dropped to the floor like a dead animal.

Nevar strutted through the crowd, leapt up onto a table and shouted out, "Who will have sex with a God!!!!!???" The crowd of gay men rushed at him like moths to a flame. They became a heaving orgy of gayness. In the shadows of the room were Hitler and the Amazing Horse, Reggie. Yes, Reggie is his name. No one ever knew that before.

Hitler was smoking a fag. No, not sucking on a cock, but smoking a cigarette. The horse was watching the ensuing mass of gaping mouths, anuses and throbbing penises. Nevar could be seen in the center being bathed in droplets of semen. It was a wild sperm fest.

Hitler exclaims "I tire of this silliness!!" and places his hand on a large red button on the wall. He presses it and.........

There is a 'Feed code error' when trying to view this page's RSS feed. The following message appears after clicking on the RSS feed button:
----------------------------------------------
Internet Explorer cannot display this feed

This feed contains code errors.
Go back to the previous page.

More information

An invalid character was found in text content.
Line: 674 Character: 313

so i put my wetsuit on and jumped right in to the shower with my fat uncle. He tried groping my cheeks but they were tightly secured inside my wetsuit. Just then there was a knock on the shower door. My uncle opened it and peeked around the corner..It was hitler ! He said, "kann ich mich Ihnen anschlie
----------------------------------------------
This error was caused by a square sign in the sixth comment of this story. For some reason, it messes up the RSS feed function. The same error occurs at http://isitnormal.com/story/19469/ due to a square sign. Just something to keep in mind when posting things. Thank you.

(dude don't ask me to censor myself because you want to write about him. Just go with the flow of the fucking story and maybe bring him back from the dead... hitler died like 5 times already...)

A small ninja appears and kicks him in the balls. Luckily, Hiler's balls were made of steel. Unphased, the ninja took a giant live salmon and swifty jammed it up hitlers ass. Alas! hitler was still unphased, and actually seemed to enjoy the big wet fish wiggling in his intestinal track.
The fish, on the other hand, was quite upset by its situation. Luckily, there was so much semen in hitler's ass that it was able to breathe normally. Suddenly, a wavery image of a frog appeared.
"Lemmiwinks?" he asked, aghast. The fish shook its head and replied "My name is jorge"
"oh" said the ghost frog, and silence ensued. "sooo" said the frog, clearly not knowing what to say to the strange fish. "how bout those yankees?"
Suddenly,

[You're right. Please disregard my previous request to keep killing of characters to a minimum. We can always bring them back to life in this story. I just wanted to be able to still write about them. Thanks, Potato.]

Hitler hears a knocking coming from the door leading to the club's basement. As he approaches the door he hears moaning and muffled voices crying out "penis! penis! peeeeennissss!".

Hitler's curiosity overwhelms him and he opens the door to find every character yet killed in this story brought back to life as penis crazed zombies!!!!!! The pack of penis hungry zombies is lead by none other than Sgt. Darwin Morrison. Behind him are the 2Girls, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Bill Clinton, Catherine Zeta Jones, Dr. Haneef and a host of other un-dead!

The zombies slowly drag themselves into the main room of the club where hordes of gay men are thrashing about in a disco inferno. The zombies lunge at the men sucking and chewing off their penises in a bloody massacre.

Oddly, Hitler and Reggie the wonder horse are sitting at a small cafe table in the corner of the room as castrated bodies flail about them. None of the zombies seem interested in them. A body lands on the table. The man is groaning in pain, clutching his now vacant groin. Hitler glances at the man and comments "Seen it!" the horse quips "Me too!". Another body lands next to them on the floor with it's entire crotch eaten out. "Seen that one too" spouts Hitler. "Yup, me as well" the horse replies as he sips his Dirty Vodka Martini.

"Vell horsie, zis es becoming exceedingly dull und boring. Vhat do you say ve go to Mickey D's for a hamburger?" Hitler pats the horses hoof. The horse nods in agreement.

As Hitler and the horse stand to leave, a blood splattered waiter rushes to the table. He stops to catch his breath and says........

"Mein Fuhrer! Forgive me for interrupting, but it has become apparent that the IIN community has begun to lose interest in this group story. Forgive me Mein Fuhrer and you too Reggie. You are truly an amazing horse and you have a wonderful penis"..Hitler and the horse look at the waiter a bit confused and bewildered. The waiter continues.."Forgive me both of you but I must end this madness once and for all!". Then the waiter rips open his red vest to reveal one hundred and forty four, two liter bottles of Diet Coke and one hundred and forty four rolls of Mentos, the fresh maker! "Yes!" the waiter proclaims. "I am going to end this madness with a massive Diet Coke Mentos bomb!"

Hitler's face goes white with terror and the horse screams like a little girl as the waiter pulls a cord which sends the one hundred and forty four rolls of Mentos into the waiting bottles of Diet Coke. At that precise moment, the hoard of penis crazed zombies attack the waiter, eating out his groin. The bottles of Diet Coke grumble and moan under the immense pressure of the confectionery cocktail. They erupt with a refreshing, minty explosion killing every living person within one foot of the radical waiter.

Hitler and Reggie, the Wonder Horse look at the scene aghast. "Wow" mutters Hitler. "I've never really seen that one before". "Me neither" replies Reggie. Hitler looks into Reggie's eyes and pats his hoof "You know mein little horsie, I tire of zis little hot pants outfit I'm vearing. Vhat do you zay ve go shopping?" Reggie the Wonder Horse nods a yes as he and Hitler stroll out of the Gay club, walking down the street into the rising sun.

"You know horsie" as Hitler smiled, "I vas sinking about getting a Nun's habit". "Ooooooo yeah baby" said the horse, "you always look good iin black!"

Lord Kazekage of the Wind country. Then there came as sound, that grew into castrophony so emense that it could be heard far away in space. There were no screams...there was no time...the Mountain Called Monkey had spoken... there was only fire...and then













nothing...

" I gotta get me some alien pussy, mmmmmmmm...green"

lolololol

Hitler looks at Shatner, grinning and he begins to beat his eye lashes like a shy school girl. Hitler spreads his legs and lifts his robe to reveal a green alien pussy in between his legs.

Shatner, highly excited by this exclaims......

"FUCK YEAH!!!!!"

Or so they thought...

but at that precise moment, the HIV mutated into a replicating virus and replicated Hitler, Reggie the Wonder Horse, William Shatner and as a surprise bonus.....Whoopi Goldberg!

Whoopi reacts violently at her suddenly coming into existence in the black void, grabs Shatner's crotch and exclaims......

Whoopi was surprised at how microscopic Mr Shatner's penis was. "Shit!" she exclaimed. "They must call you Needle Dink the Bug Fucker Billy Boy!". Shatner scowls and mutters "Don't call me "boy" you hapless black rug munching bitch."

Suddenly there is a loud boom. John Goodman comes into existence before them. He is totally naked and aroused with a huge uncircumcised hard-on. He looks at Shatner and squats above his face. Goodman's anus expands as a large........

Cheeta and Tarzan suddenly appear. They are both looking for Jane. Tarzan sees the elephant and.....

says i wanna fuck you. (to the elephant...

and John Goodman). Jane bitch slaps Tarzan across the face and says...

"What about me?" Cheeta starts making loud noises and....

jumps on top of the elephant. Jane laughs and says.....

....Buck Rogers while I was working for NBC back in the days. Tarzan looks at Jane and....

.....Iron Chef host Chairman Kaga observes as the lions enjoy their feast. Chairman Kaga is so impressed with Tarzan's culinary skills that he invites Tarzan to challenge Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto on the Food Network. Tarzan accepts the challenge. A few weeks later Tarzan and Morimoto are in the Kitchen Stadium ready to battle it out. The world watches as.....

.....calls 911. The ambulance arrives, but it's too late. The deadly fart quickly engulfs the city of Tokyo. The Prime Minister of Japan Fukuda declares a state of emergency and asks for help. President Bush quickly answers the call by sending people to help the people of Japan. Out of nowhere Godzilla arrives and.....

[The prime minister's name is F.u.k.u.d.a.. For some reason, the computer put asterisks in his name after I posted it.]

Says "WATCHAH YO SELF"...

...hearing Godzilla say "WATCHAH YO SELF" to the Japanese people, Tarzan flips him off with his middle finger and yells "You want some of this?". That upsets Godzilla and.....

.....calls for help. King Kong walks on the scene, cracks his knuckles, and starts to walk toward Godzilla. The two of them meet face to face and.....

.....Gozilla starts rapping 'Throw The 'D'' by Two Live Crew. This brings King Kong back to life and his penis grows back. They continue rapping Two Live Crew songs. Then Jake arrives on the scene and tells them that he has the biggest 'L.D.' in the world and to check out his episodes at outer reaches. They go online and start playing the episodes, and rapping 'On Like Donkey Kong' by Jake. At that moment.....

This is a copy of the story up to this point. It contains spam_javelin's and possibly other banned people's comments which have been deleted from the original story. In fact, he was the first one who commented on this story. Without his comments and maybe others, the story will lack continuity. That's why I decided to post a copy of it in its entirety. Thanks and have fun!

http://isitnormal.com/story/19056/

Title: Storytelling Made Easy

I have an idea. I can begin a story and everybody could add to it. It could be anything we want it to be (either true, made up, or both). You don't have to be a good storyteller to participate. Just an interest in adding to it.

Here it goes:

I woke up one morning ready to start the day when I suddenly remembered that I forgot to do something the night before. [Please take it from here]

spam_javelin (8680)
2007-11-17 19:51:21
yes, that was it ! I forgot to rape my grandad so i ran around to his house and kicked his back door in..I kicked it so hard his ass began to bleed so i rang for an ambulance.
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
Sprinkles (10609)
2007-11-17 19:54:59
I had forgot to lock the front door to the house. As I turned over in bed, I found that Adolph Hitler and a large well endowed horse were next to my bed.

Oddly, the horse was standing upright on his hind legs holding a small Oreck vacuum cleaner. He had this wild look in his eyes. Hitler was wearing a nun's outfit looking like a demented flying nun a'la Sally Fields. the horse turned on the vacuum cleaner and then........
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
GonnaGetSome (11648)
2007-11-17 20:36:26
I'm confused...which story is the continuation?

The ambulance was on its way, however this usually takes at least 2 minutes which was enough time for the horse with the vacuum cleaner to suck up the sheets on my bed...I was naked with a horse and Hitler dressed like a demented flying nun. Hitler held his hand in the air and the horse ascended upon me. At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along

And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second you'd back to bother me

Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble, did you think I'd lay down and die

Oh, no, not I-I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey
Just then...the ambulance arrived
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
Footfan_90 (10400)
2007-11-17 21:58:09
The distorted sounds of the sirens penetrated my ear. I was trying desperately to shake off the horse, but it wouldn't budge. I could hear the maniacal laughter of Hitler as he viewed me struggling with this horse which was endeavouring to perpetrate (penetrate?) these horrible acts. The paramedics arrived. "Holy f**k and half, what the f**k is this?" i heard them say collectively. Pulling a syringe from his holster, one of the meds went straight for Hitler, speaking in befuddled german, hitler pulled a gun out of his pocket and shot the syringe out of the paramedics hand, shattering the shatter-proof plastic and sending the liquid through the air. Hitting the horse straight in the eye, the liquid enraged it, the horse lashed out, king hitting all three approaching meds with its giant c*ck
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
Potato (7428)
2007-11-17 22:12:37
And what a magnificent c*ck it was... I began to drool slightly. I gingerly stepped out of my Monday printed underwear and aligned my ass with the straining and bloodied c*ck. "Knucky!" screamed my uncle, stepping out the shack in his pink leotard, his greasy mullet still uncombed. "Drop that c*ck and come shower with me!" This sounded very appealing, so I...
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
spam_javelin (8680)
2007-11-17 23:10:05
@: Potato
so i put my wetsuit on and jumped right in to the shower with my fat uncle. He tried groping my cheeks but they were tightly secured inside my wetsuit. Just then there was a knock on the shower door. My uncle opened it and peeked around the corner..It was hitler ! He said, "kann ich mich Ihnen anschlie%uFFFDen? Ich habe Sexualspielsachen". I whipped out my waterproof german translation handbook and i was so happy with the Nazi b*s***d's request i took my skinny body out of the wet suit and replied, "dive on in Mr. Hitler, and bring that horse's c*ck with you. Just as things were hotting up my uncles pink leotard split leaving a gaping hole were his gaping hole is and i let out a mighty scream at the sight of......
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
JanIAm (10668)
2007-11-17 23:16:50
@: GonnaGetSome
Great mashup, there!
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
SlimFast (11113)
2007-11-18 00:52:46
@: spam_javelin
i let out a mighty scream at the sight of...... a can of ice cold Slim-Fast so I drank it felt refreshed.
Reply
Sprinkles (10609)
2007-11-18 09:43:19
@: SlimFast
The SlimFast was refreshing but now I had the faint smell of my Uncle's colon in my nostrils. It was strangely appealing. It aroused me no end.

Just then the phone in the shower rang. I answered it, afraid, as usually phone calls at two in the morning bring bad news. It was my old high school friend Tom Cruise. Yes, THE Tom Cruise. He was frantic...."Slim! Slim! I was just in this gay bar tonight and I met this guy claiming to be Adolph Hitler! He was asking questions about you. He had your address and there was a horse with him too. I tried hitting on the horse but strangely he was dis-interested in me as most horses love to mount my ass!".... "Tom! Tom!" I said, "Calm down! Hitler and the horse are here now. Come on over and have some fun with us!". I heard the phone on Tom's end hit the floor and could hear his running footsteps fade.

The bathroom door broke open with a mighty crash, it was the horse. He got into the shower and sunk his perfect c*ck into my waiting pudding hole. It's thrusts were firm but loving. I could feel the fist sized head of it stroking my heart. The horse's steel shoe clad hooves broke away the tub and then the floor. The floor began to give way under it's massive weight. We crashed through the floor and into the apartment below. It was the apartment of......
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
Knuckifyoubuck (9689)
2007-11-18 13:48:10
Ha. Lame
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
SlimFast (11113)
2007-11-18 16:20:34
@: Sprinkles
It was the apartment of......2Girls1Cup. They were filming an episode and posted it on the internet at http://www.2girls1cup.com/. They looked a little exhausted after filming, so I offered them a couple of Slim-Fasts which they drank. They both smiled and ......
Reply
spam_javelin (8680)
2007-11-18 16:57:26
@: SlimFast
They both smiled and began dancing to Leo Sayer tracks that they had downloaded from illegal internet file sharing programmes. Just then there was a phone call, it was the next door neighbour asking them to keep the noise down. The 2girls were not happy with the neighbours request as it was only 9pm so they got in touch with Tom Cruise, yes...THE Tom Cruise and the horse and Hitler who were at a party of their own at the gay bar. Tom and Hitler mounted their trusty steed and galloped to the residence of the 2girls1cup. Hitler knocked on the neighbours door and said, " Sie haben zwei Wahlen, Gaskammer oder Partei mit uns. Whats es, um zu sein ?" The neighbour was not fluent in German so he decided to play it safe and offer Hitler a bottle of becks, which as luck would have it, was Adolf's favourite drink. They partied until dawn and all fell asleep in the bondage dungeon on the leather matress...Whilst they were sleeping.....
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
JanIAm (10668)
2007-11-18 21:23:27
@: spam_javelin
...the band Einsturzende Neubaten dropped in to serenade the revelers. After a spirited rendering of Halber Mensch, Hitler grew weary of the band's nonlinear progressions and told Blixa Bargeld to stick a sausage up his ass. Blixa was unsuccessful in his efforts and left in disgrace. Adolph and Tom were now quite bored and eager for more merriment! Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Tom minced eagerly over to open it. To his amazement, there was ...
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply

Potato (7428)
2007-11-19 13:03:11
@: JanIAm
A spaceship. "come!" shouted a rather skinny man from the ramp of the waiting ufo. "Katie!" Tom shouted to the man "my love! The prophesy is fullfilled! We shall now take out unmedicated Theta spirits and fight the aliens and their evil leader Xenu and prove to the world that we are not a fried pussy cult but that Scientology is THE TRUE RELIGION!" Then Tom got into the spaceship, wich lifted up into the night sky and promptly exploded.
"I guess Xenu got him anyway" I laughed, and took tom's giant dildo out of his purse and began f**king myself with it.
"Knuck!" Shouted Hitler is his sexy gutteral german voice, his giant erection leaking liqiud fire. I licked my lips as...
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
Orochimaru (9975)
2007-11-19 13:17:58
@: Potato
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
Orochimaru (9975)
2007-11-19 13:18:56
@: Orochimaru
said a man in a bleak wind november
[ Funny ] [ Helpful ] [ Abusive ] Reply
spam_javelin (8680)
2007-11-19 13:33:23
@: Orochimaru
Oro my friend you are spoiling the Rhythm and flow of the story.

EVERYONE DISREGARD ORO'S MOMENT OF GAYNESS AS IT DOES NOT COMPLY TO THE STORY TELLING RULES.

TAKE IT FROM