I am an embarrassment

So here is the jist despite you not seeing it for yourself, after splitting up with the love of my life and desperatly trying to move on (but I still love him with all my heart despite him being an utter nob) I find myself getting drunk at least 3 times a week and getting with various rsndom people (males and females) and because I get soooo drunk I cannot remember any of them, I get updated the next day. I find this highly skanky and yet I can't seem to stop myself.

I get some pretty gorgeous guys after me who buy me drinks and roses (a small collection has emerged) but I just run away and feel bad about it, I think I may prefer women to be honest. too afraid of men, especially the ones who are determined to get sex, get over yourselves yeah, aint gonna happen.

The thing that baffles me is that I dress weird (for 'what the f**k night' at a club) and I still get loads of attention, this seems bizare to me as there are plenty of hot girls around who are dressed nicely and are actually looking.

There is one guy who I think is totally gorgeous (might be the fact he plays drums and I find that highly sexy) but like I don't think I have a chance when my gorgeous blonde haired, blue eyed (yes I am both aswell) friend who is REALLY confident is around him, plus other hot chicks aswell. He knows who I am which is a good sighn lol and my friend who knows him says hes a player and would 'do me' in a heartbeat but I get the sence he is more than what she says.

I guess I am trying to ask WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MT HEAD?! If anyone is anygood at psychology I would really love to know what I am playing at and like stop myself from kissing like 3 guys in one night, it's not classy!

Do you think it's normal?

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