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I am 26 and have been depressed for ten years. I also have 'extreme' social anxiety. I can't be around more than 2 or 3 people at a time without going into my shell and getting nervous and shakey. I have never had more than one friend. I have been in two relationships with females. The first one was great and lasted four years. The latest one ended after one year and was quite rocky. I have had only one male friend during this period. I had to stop hanging out with him because his drug use became out of control and I was headed that way. Basically I have no hobbies or interests. All I do is drink and smoke and watch tv and movies. I have a part time job and I have no ambitions. My last girlfriend is the only person I consider my friend. She is really getting sick of me because I want her to spend all her time with me. We don't even get along that well. I recently found out she is moving to New York and I flipped out. I took enough sleeping pills to kill two people of my size, but I freaked out and threw them up. I have no problems facing fears. For example, I was scared of heights so I went skydiving. I was scared I would have a bad trip on lsd but I did it anyway and it was amazing. That is why I can't understand why this is so hard for me to figure out. I really don't like myself and I hate being alone all the time. Some nights I get all cleaned up and dressed up and I tell myself I'm going out. I just end up going to get some beer and getting drunk alone. At work I'm mostly shy and quiet. I talk to some people, but we don't hang outside of work or anything. I work in a loud and fast paced environment so it's hard to talk to people anyway. I love women, god i love women but I find it so hard to approach them. Nothing seems to help me open up to people, not alcohol or even xanax. I think about killing myself all day. I think I need help. My ex says I just have to figure it out for myself. But ten years is enough. I am so sick of waking up in the morning. What should I do? Should I try to go to a doctor and get pills for depression and anxiety?
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Comments (9)
Fred (2022)
2007-12-09 11:14:59
I was in a similar situation not too long ago. I've always been somewhat (okay very) anxious around people and I've never really had any friends. What changed me was learning to embrace the good things about me, and getting rid of my unrealistic desires. There was a time when I was terrified to enter University and the workforce. Now, I'm one of the best employees at my job. My social life is still non-existant, with the exception of the internet, but that's a small price to pay for success. That doesn't bother me one bit, because I can't generally relate to people anyways. Just accept who you are, and stop the drugs and drinking. That will only amplify your emotions, and send you deeper into the hole you believe you have dug yourself into. Personally, I wouldn't go to a doctor, because I believe you can beat this negativity on your own. The drugs they give you will only cover up the symptoms, and could cause damage to your system, though I suppose it is better than 'self-medicating' as you have been doing.
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errangutan (12146)
2007-12-09 12:13:26
" Should I try to go to a doctor and get pills for depression and anxiety? "

Yes you really should before it gets worse. You should try to talk to people at work. Maybe a... I forgot what you call it but I think you need help because if you think about killing your self all day then that is bad.
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gizzie56 (8681)
2007-12-09 14:01:56
I myself have suffered from social anxiety i have never taken medication for it and it seems to of gotten better over time. I think what really helped me was being forced into these types of situations through my job. It seems to get easier to be around large groups of people if you force yourself to do it on a regular basis. I am the type that cannot stand to be put on the spot in front of lots of people i hated speech and drama in school because i just dont like to speak in front of large groups of people.

My advice to you is get out and do some socializing it will do you good and like i say the more you do it the easier it will get. If you just cant bring yourself to do it than yes i would recommend (as a last resort only} to see a doctor and get medication. The reason i say last resort is i know people who have received medication for anxiety and if its not the right stuff it makes them worse (suicidal worse).
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Knuckifyoubuck (9689)
2007-12-09 16:06:44
Too long

-crank dat
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JanIAm (10668)
2007-12-09 17:52:49
Well, I'll certainly have to agree with you on one observation: 10 years is enough.

It's fairly obvious that invoking "will power" or positive thinking alone won't make this go away. If it IS social anxiety, there are many medications that could do wonders to treat your symptoms. But I agree with Fred's and gizzie's observations about medication. Although it's a very valuable tool, it's no magic bullet. You are more than just a chemistry set that requires a little extra ingredient to make the mix more harmonious.

I'd recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorder and see what s/he has to suggest. Medication may certainly be an option, but counseling also may be in order. If you've reached the point in which you've seriously considered suicide and are having difficulty just getting up in the morning, it's clearly time to get to work on getting some relief.
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The_cunt (11832)
2007-12-09 19:44:08
you say you are depresed but you have relationships and work so it cant be that hard to fix
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flikr (10636)
2007-12-10 09:38:14
i really would not try to overdose on sleeping pills, it usually doesn't work, there are much better ways to kill yourself
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violent10dency (10988)
2007-12-10 20:25:29
I don't believe in taking man-made drugs so I'd say no don't go get meds. I'm a bit "anti-social" myself,I don't really have any friends anymore,and it's probably b/c I just don't call them,because I hate talking on the phone. I do e-mail them from time to time though. The friends I do have at work,I sometimes go shopping with them,or to the movies. I don't particularly like the party scene,so that might be another factor. I am actually afraid to date right now,and I do worry that if I don't get over my shyness when it comes to men,I might be alone forever. I don't really know much about relationships,but I do know other people can't make you happy,you have to make yourslef happy. I'd say give up the drugs,and drinking,it might even help you have a better appearance (not saying you look bad or anything,it's just alcohol,and drugs can make you look worn out),and that will boost your confidence. I think you should start trying to find something you actually like doing,because it seems to me you aren't happy with your life. Try something new,and maybe you'll find someone you can relate to.

-dirt dobbler
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strangegirl (12734)
2008-01-07 05:39:15
I just read my life a few years ago. You sound like a complete replica of me in every way before I got on meds!!!! My anxiety was so bad, i'd throw up in front of a couple of ppl and shake uncontrollably, going to a public place was out of the question and i wanted to die all the time.I have tried killing myself twice and the second time was really, really close - too close. Only then did I realise I didn't really want to die but did it out of desperation to escape that cr@p. You can only take so much. Go to a doctor and get meds ASAP. I have been on heaps of different kinds and anafranil was the one that really helped. I got over the severeness of the anxiety and depression to the point where I lead a reasonably normal life %u2013 have a few friends, a good job, been on dates. However I'm still not quite there, and am still nervous in a lot of situations and feel a little down. You'd probably have to go to a councellor to help get over the remaining bit. I dont see one cause I live in a Country (very third world) where there isn't anyone specialised to help with this sort of thing. If I came this far on meds alone, you can do better with councelling also.
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