Are You Normal?

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Loss and confused

I had a friend who died in December (Christmas eve), he was a really great guy. I had known him for almost four years. Since he died I've had these weird feeling about death and my own life. I keep asking myself "why, if we die anyway, are we here at all?" Is that supposed to happen? I can't think about him or talk about him much without crying or coming close to it and it's affecting a lot of things. Even listening to music or the dumbest little things cause me to burst into tears.
How long does it take until things like that stop? How long will it take before I stop tearing up about everything and questioning life? I don't really have a whole lot to fall back on, my b/f didn't like my friend very much and I don't want to tell my mom because she's already stressed enough about moving, I don't talk to my dad, and my little sister wouldn't get it, and I really don't have any religious beliefs to help me.
Do you think it's normal?
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Comments (19)
Anonymous (Story Author)
2005-04-12 20:48:44
I'm going through a lot of the same emotions right now. It's normal. Big events like this can shake things up and make you question everything and make you sensitive and emotional. It will pass. As they say, time heals all wounds... Just be patient and take it day by day.
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Alyra (19)
2005-04-13 19:12:18
Thank you, it helps to know that other people have the same problems after something like that.
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Anonymous
2005-04-19 06:24:10
Your Loss
Sorry about the loss of your friend. What you are going through is very normal and it is part of the grieving process. It should help you move forward if you could find someone to talk to, maybe even an online support group could help. There are a lot of people like the person above that are going through the same situation and just need to unload their feelings. Again, sorry.
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 20:47:46
I know exactly how you feel, except within 2 years i've had 3 relatives die. Of course that kinda thing is normal.. I think if anyone we know dies we'll stop and think about our lifes just a little differently. I would make the suggestion that if its really affecting your abilities to do something then maby talkin with someone.
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 20:50:54
*maby talkin with someone will help.. you can find someone other then a friend or relative.I'm sorry about the loss of your friend.
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Anonymous
2005-05-04 08:28:52
ur not alone
I feel like that too at times, it is normal i promise
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kanga99 (61)
2005-05-18 09:23:55
This is so totally normal.

Speak to your doctor - he'she can put you in touch with a support group or help with some councelling.

Or perhaps, try the samaritans - they are always happy to talk to anyone.


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Anonymous
2005-06-14 11:12:52
that is completely normal. i had a close cousin of mine die 2 months ago, and i felt the same exact way. try writing. at first i couldn't, though, but later it really helped. it doesn't have to be good or anything, just how you think you feel and how hard it is. maybe you should tell someone that you know has had someone they love die. they would understand and not question how you are feeling. Again, that's completely normal. i cant say how long you will be feeling like this. greif is very sneaky. you might feel like you are over it a while from now, and then burst into tears at a time when you think of your friend. Maybe not, though. everybody handles it differently. its ok to cry. sometimes it really helps and you might feel ok for a little while. i hope that you 'feel ok' and are able to deal with any feeling you have that aren't 'ok.'
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Bumfighter (264)
2005-06-17 18:12:46
A lack of permanence to your life is completely normal. I used to wonder about my own demise too. I am no philosopher, but my views are in line with the fundamental ideologies of Buddhism. Not all the reincarnation and stuff, but the morals that go along with it. There is absolutely no permanence to the universe. If there was any permanence, there would be no time. This earth, your life, your house, all of these things will be gone someday. We can prolong our existance through medicine, but we do die someday. This does not mean that our existance was pointless. Instead, it only enriches our existance through contrast.
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sambohunt (182)
2005-07-27 18:55:26
I'm really sorry about your friend whom passed away. But i think you should get over your mourning to let your friend rest in peace. I'm sure he doesn't want you to be miserable about his death. But just remember that no one can take what u two had together. And i understand that you don't really have any religous belifs. Well, i think you should turn to Jesus Christ. He is my lord and savior. I can talk to him about ne thing. Some things that i can't even tell my family and close friends. I wish you luck. bye gurl, SAM
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DJ_Slone (697)
2005-08-01 22:28:57
I'm sorry about your loss. I suggest talking about w/ someone. If you can't talk to your family, there's plenty of chatrooms or something you can check out. Just be wary of sarcastic jerks if you go down that route.
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Anonymous
2006-07-09 11:27:58
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't honestly say "I know what it's like" beacause I've never really gone through that when somone close to me dies. But as for how long it takes to stop, from my obsevations, it might not. I've been wondering about death a lot of late and my conclusion is that sure, we'll all die someday. But what about the time we have? Why waste it worrying about when it's going to end?
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babyangel2580 (1623)
2006-08-26 20:06:09
im sorry to hear that. but strangers on the internet cannot make you feel 100% better...

and trust me, you're not the only one in pain
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Consequence (3660)
2006-09-10 04:34:14
You definately need to talk to people about how you feel. If you keep it inside you, your emotions and thoughts won't put themselves into order and you will never sort yourself out. Tell someone, or write it out.

The truth is that death needn't be so hard, and as any other natural thing in our life, we should accept this too.

Don't think about making huge steps all at once. You will eventually heal from this, I promise. You'll find yourself laughing when something reminds you of something funny he said. You'll refer to him in front of friends and it will be as if he was like a fantastic character from a book.

It isn't fair for him that the only thing you remember him for is his death. Let him live on in your memory by the laughter and conversations you guys had.

Good luck.
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rutlejosh (4346)
2006-11-29 17:23:37
although i have never had any experience on the subject, i can tell you that i feel for you
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Jesus-FaLLeN (4652)
2006-12-26 00:09:15
Go dig his corpse up and fuck him i guess
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BengalTigger (5368)
2007-01-18 12:37:40
Wow! He was blessed to have such a caring friend as you. I'm sorry to hear that you lost such a great friend.

You might find some relief by spending sometime writing about him, either a poem or a article giving a tribute to who he was, or just a personal letter to him telling him how much you cared and miss him. I know this sounds like you would be opening a wound, and you would probably find yourself crying and having to stop periodically while doing it, but overall it helps you to make a permanent positive place for him in your life, while allowing you to move on too. You don't have to forget him, you just need to be able to remember him without tearing you up emotionally when you do.
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negativecreep (7979)
2007-05-22 16:05:17
The feelings will never go away,you just have to learn how to cope with them.
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Gloomtail (8527)
2007-07-17 13:21:00
Mmm, I'm really sorry about your loss. Cope with your feelings as best as you can. Good luck.
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