my brain

This morning I woke up. For about 20 minutes my brain was back to normal, It wasn't possible to care what others where going on about (bollocks) It was paradies in its self, I decided i would have a nice strole to the shop get some cigs and chill with a can of beer on my garden, I was so happy because MY SANITY was back for a while but not for long, I realised like i just walked into a wall, That for the past decade I had been INSANE, I honestly felt my brain going back, pulling me back into this crazy life, and i was wanting so so so so so much for my sanity to stay but it is as if a bubble encases you, feeling, imotions, motive, socialization capability everything shuts down and i actually thort that this was me. Because of my mentality I feel no imotion towards my life anything, not fear but whilst feeling vunrable, I refuse to go out because I carn't let people get used to the diffrent me, I feel people are falling out with me and this isn't the real me, I have got used to this way of living(fucked up crazy life) that i thort this is normal and this morning i felt everything return motive socialization feelings imotions and with all of these back i didn't care about others i didn't feel vunrable anymore, but as a sat down i actually could feel the bubble of crazyness returning this place that i thort was nornality and i cryed because i loved feeling my sanity back and didn't want to return to this bubble of nothingness emty feelingless meaningless life, I sit hear now back in the same hole that i have been in for maybe a year i don't realy no how long i have been like this, pls understand that this isn't a confused state of mind and believe me without anything i am normal in my sexuality the thing that isn't normal with me is my brain, what ever i carn't go out to let the people think that this person is the new me because i won't let it be, and when people see me if they have thort of a answer of why i am like this it may seem that that is it but NO it isn't, I need time, i need to fix my brain for my own life because if i don't i will not have one, pls dont try and tell me what you could think is true (ppl amaze me). It is so strainge I only realy cared about my sanity when i was sane when i slip back into the other life i don't care about my sanity and in this that is why i no that i my live the rest of my days like this because I don't care the imotion section, i need to find my self soon because if i don't i will be lost forever.

Do you think it's normal?

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