What do you think?

All Categories AgingAppearanceArtDrugsExpeditionsFamilyFeelingsFriendsHabitsHealthHobbiesMedical RelatedMiscMusic & EntertainmentObservationsPetsRelationshipsSchoolSexWork

A bisexual boy befriended me when i was under six years. Once he offered me his bum but I refused to have sex with him; and he yelled loudly I was a 'poofter' many times after that.
We used to masturbate. I really had no idea what i was doing, and the boy was somehow using me -- he was probably lonely.
I told him to rack off when i was 12 and entered high school.
however after a few years of no masturbation i lost hearing and started sniffling all the time. When i fantasized abut girls again, the problems vanished.
I had one chance to get a girl friend and flubbed it because she looked like my mother at the crucial instant. I was told later by my father that i could not hug my mother as a child -- imagine that!
Imagine only one chane in 18 years to get a girl -- I suppose that probably does not happen much. i was a loner at school with only one best friend and his mate. What i want to know is -- what were everyone else like the popular dudes doing about sex or the lack of it? I noticed my best friend had a delayed puberty at about 18 while mine was at 13.
I was desperate to find a path that made my heart feel happy and myself well -- however, the other students thought I was ambitious and maybe greedy. I was also looking for the truth, and had an innate ability to worship precision -- probably because of my parents love for me.
I played sex games with my younger sister after school: heavy petting. The guys at school said I was 'teachers pet' because i studied hard. I think this was what forced me to look for love from the Mathematics teacher who was about 25 when i was 18 -- she was married. She wanted me, but I never did anything.
meanwhile i was reading UFO books and doing yoga and reading the sorcery books by Carlos castaneda that were just being published in about 1974 -- looking for truth.
In my soccer experience i trained against a brick wall to slam the ball with my foot and simultaneously and legally knock the attacker over at the same time.
One the day, it worked twice, the huge number 9 came at me again (I was no. 5) in a classic V formation with four guys in support. I went in again but put too much attention on being precise rather than powerful,so the guy broke through and scored.
28 years later, I dribbled the ball through the bodies of two defenders -- the onlooker was astounded and thought I had super soccer skill. What i really had was super-precision.
The ball and my body felt as if they were ghostly during the experience.
back to high school:
I read how carlos 'stopped the world' and thought I had found ultimate truth.
And hoped i could stop the world one day.
As it turned out, one day after intense masturabation i felt guided to walk into the backyard (my room was a converted garage) where I faced east. The tree and fence disappeared and i saw light everywhere -- i had stopped the world.