"Seriously Depressed--No Laughing Matter"

You say you're receiving profesional help ... are you taking any Dr. prescribed medications now?

I was on an anti-depressant called Lexapro, But I stopped taking it in Jan of this year because it made me feel nervous/shaky. I could'nt get in to see my doctor until (4/19), and he told me that he'd put me on a lower dose so that it would'nt make me feel shaky. I tried to get my Rx filled the same day, but my insurance wouldn't do a prior authorization because my doctor wrote the dosage for me to take at 1 1/2 pills a day, instead of 2 pills a day. As of(4/20), I'm still waiting for my doctor's office to call for the insurance co. and the pharmacy to get it filled. You say that you can relate to what I'm talking about. If so, have you received professional help for you're depression? If so, are you currently on any medication for you're problem? Are you male or female?

I'd tried quite a few different medications over the years ... with some horrid drug reactions! until the Zoloft. Everyone reacts differently to medications and dosages, so you might have to try a few medications (as I did) til you find one that works well for you. Also if money and insurance is a problem you could ask your doctor if he has some sample prescription meds for in the meantime.
Good luck!

I can relate.I am not female,however I have been depressed for a few years.I also suffer from Major depression but was never diagnosed.Doctors say that I have other problems like paranoid thoughts,delusions,etc...In the past it has gotten so bad that I was on the brink of suicide.I have never attempted though.I am on a medication called seroquel.It is an anti-psychotic.It helps me alot but I am still pretty depressed.I am not currently in therapy and I never have been.I am in the process of recovery but I'm not sure when I will be successful.I also have a tendency to self-harm.I have one question for you,Mimi....Do you or have you ever participated in self-abuse?

I took Zoloft paxal 2 others, I don't remember there names, and clomipromine. went to several course and support groups. I Came to this and it may not help you AT ALL but I'll share it in the hopes it will (it has helped others)
My problem finally became clear to me at 24, I had attempted quite enthusiastically to kill my self four times from around 10 till 24. I was at my wits end how the frick am I supposed to keep doing this day after day. Please pill please wash this sick frickin feelin away look at all those people out there being all normal while I'm trapped in here. It didn't even feel like my couselors, case workers or Phsychiatrists were ever listening to me fully and shoot even if they were could they really understand how that makes ME feel, I mean after all looking around there offices quickly told me we were different.
I was at my alcohol support group one night when the topic was about how alcohol never solved anyones problems... this got me to wondering if there was something in my past that I was overlooking that may have brought me to this emotional state now drowning me.
I used a meditational approach similar to the think tank experiments to sit around and think about my past to try to allow the memories in my past to flow.
well of course all the ones I had dealt with already, came to the surface first but as I persevered reassuring my self that it would be ok to open those memories.
I started to find things I had never even thought of, and when I did start to think about them swarms of emotions came with them, everything from how family and other kids treated me the insults, my guilt for masterbating, my attempts to fit in; this one was a big issues, actually, for me. (now mind you at this stage of my curiousity I was NOT looking for the obvious causes of depression like how I held a 12 year old boy while he died of a drug overdose while I was 10 and we were both homeless or any of the other biggies I was holding onto).
shortly after this was my first attempt at suicide by the way.
I found things like I often tried to get people to like me by changing myself into to what they liked... oh yeah I like that to... not... so much of this had gone on I Literally had no clue at the age of 24 what the frick I like and what I didn't like. the old cliche who am I?
so I took some time off. nothing could be any more dramatic than yet another attempt on my own life. so with all my new memories in hand and some good books I found a job house sitting for half the year. and used this time to get to know my Self.
There is alot more to it this is getting long though. I no longer feel I have to be like anyone else I have excepted that I had alot more than most to overcome and that has made me a stronger person. I no longer seek other peoples approval or my parents approval. my confidence is slowly building. I am far from 'normal' but I sleep less enjoy more and make improvements everyday. and could never consider suicide again I've got to much to live for now that it is me living for it. My wife has also gone back and reviewed her past, she was on zoloft and another very popular anti depressants so was her father and many others in her family, although stress still gets the best of her sometimes. she no longer needs any medication and exhibits no signs of depression. she first started taking A.D.'s after a suicide attempt also.

How do you know if you what you have is Major depresion if you've never been diagnosed? I've heard of Seroquel--I know someone whose on that medication. What were you diagnosed with that made your doctor put you on an anti -psychotic med--What it schizophrenia, or psychosis- (hallucinations?) I attempted suicide about four years ago, that was the same time that I was diagnosed with Major Depresssion--I don't have any delusions though. I was in therapy/counseling for three years--I had my last session in November of last year. Have you ever considered counseling.? I know that you don't have to be a female to experience depression, But we (females)tend to face depression more than males do, or maybe we talk about our feelings more,(I dont' know.) What exactly do you mean by "self-abuse"? Despite my one suicide attempt, I don't think/or believe that I ever been that troubled.

It's okay that you're response was kinda long. (I tend to do that to.) I tried to take zoloft about four years ago, but it caused me to develop a condition called "akathesia" which is a medical conditon caused by extreme shakiness, slurred speech, and tremors--It can be a side effect in some people while taking certain prescription drugs. I got off of it after just one dose. I'd been depressed/suicidal since age 11. As I told the other reader, I only attempted to take my life once at the age of 27. I've not tried again though, but considered it, but I really don't want to do it though do to my spiritual beliefs and I know that my mother (whom I'm very close to) would miss me. I also tried a number of different Rx drugs with no success. Like you, I've had my share of struggles too; Born poor, raised by a single parent father walked out when I was about three, I have a terminal illness (fortnately, ti been in remission for a few years now) But believe me when I tell you that I've been to HELL

It's okay that you're response was kinda long. (I tend to do that to.) I tried to take zoloft about four years ago, but it caused me to develop a condition called "akathesia" which is a medical conditon caused by extreme shakiness, slurred speech, and tremors--It can be a side effect in some people while taking certain prescription drugs. I got off of it after just one dose. I'd been depressed/suicidal since age 11. As I told the other reader, I only attempted to take my life once at the age of 27. I've not tried again though, but considered it, but I really don't want to do it though do to my spiritual beliefs and I know that my mother (whom I'm very close to) would miss me. I also tried a number of different Rx drugs with no success. Like you, I've had my share of struggles too; Born poor, raised by a single parent father walked out when I was about three, I have a terminal illness (fortnately, ti been in remission for a few years now) But believe me when I tell you that I've been to HELL

I am actually on anti-psychotics for unkown reasons.My psychiatrist knows I am depressed but will not or hasn't diagnosed me yet with anything.I am not schizophrenic,or anything but may have some symptoms such as paranoia,delusions of grandeur.My psychiatrist says I may have also experienced one or two manic episodes,which means I may have bipolar tendencies.But I was never diagnosed,probably because I am too young(17 years old).My psychiatrist does know that I have severe (or major) depression.I have insomnia,fatigue,extreme sadness,low self esteem,and worse of all,alot of suicidal thoughts.What I was talking about with the self abuse thing was cutting/slashing yourself...or burning yourself,stuff like that.I'm asking because I used to do that...cutting mainly.I take about 450 mg's per night.My whole family has history of mental illnesses,and most of them don't even take madication.My father,sister,uncle,aunt all have bipolar disorder.My grandmother and great grandmother has schizophrenia.My condition may get better or worse,it depends.I hope I get better though,and I hope you do to.

Sorry about the first message. I was knocked off earlier while I was typing....Anyway, I've had a hard journey too. Like I said before, I've been to HELL AND BACK!! If I had to do it all again, there would be alot of changes that I would make in my life...Some things I know that I can't change, and some other things I can only change with time. We all have our struggles, as you already know. I don't know if you'll come back on this site to read this or not, but whoever you are, and where ever you are, thanks for sharing your story with me...thanks to the other two people who shared there stories as well. I know that in the end, I'm the only one who can get myself treatment for this mood disorder, and I'm the only one whose responsible for my own happiness. You're the only ones who find help for yourselves and find your own happiness, (if you choose to find it.) Thanks for reading my story, and for repling replying back...Also,thanks 4 sharing your stories with me. Again,Thank You and Good Luck....

I know how you feel. I suffered brain injury in a car accident in 03. ever since then i have been extremely depressed i guess the injury has caused that. I always think im fat,ugly, and worthless. ever since i got depressed i have shut myself out from everyone. i dont like to go out in public, i dont find intrest in anything anymore. I quit talking to friends. so i dont have any anymore. ive gained some weight from not being active. i constantly break down and cry for hours. i think about commiting sucide an aweful lot. i dont think i would ever do it but i just feel so worthless. like it wouldnt even matter to anyone if i did it. I have a bad at home life that just adds to the problem. my boyfriend is the only thing that keeps me going. Im counting on him to get me out of this dump and away from everything that just adds to my depression. i dont know how to make myself feel better. i want to get help. but i dont want my mom to have to go with me when i have to tell them what the things are that are making me depressed because she is one of the reasons. sounds like im in the same boat you are in. ive found that zoloft helps somewhat. have you tried that?

I pretty much just need beer. So, I guess I have a terrible problem too, I am an Alcoholic AssHole.

Pot also helps.

I know exacty how you feel.Ive been suffering from depression since i was a teen ager im 30 now.Ive been on many different drugs for it but nothing seems to really help.I went to see a shrink an he concluded that i have extremly low self esteem thats causing my depression an wants me to go through extensive psychotherepy.I guess its my last hope.I know it totally sux feeling like this,ive been thinking of suicide more an more latley.So i know exactly wat you are going through an it is a living hell.

to answer your question (again), if participated in self abuse-or harming or mutilating myself, first of all, I hate pain, and again, i've never been that troubled. I used to take about 10mg-20mg of Lexapro a day, it's an anti depressant, and 1 mg of a drug calles Ativan, for anxiety. I have a friend who would be into the self-abuse that you talked about. She would cut herself with a razor blade when she got depreseed . thais was when we were in high school, but she eventually stopped ( thank goodness). If your immediate family members have bi-polar disorder, it's a very good chance that you may have it too. Have you ever been hospitalized for your medical problems? You should ask your doctor for a counseling referral ASAP. It's the only you're going to get better. I hope that you get better too. I F i don't hear from you again, thatnks for sharing your story with me and good luck.

I just wanted to start off by thanking you.Your kind,knowledgable words are a motivation.I understand that you never mutilated yourself.I'm proud of you.Self-control is a virtue.You say you never been that 'troubled'.I don't consider my life to be all bad.I have my moments.But most of the time,it's hell.Nobody did this to me.I choose to isolate myself.I choose to harm myself,and deprive myself of sleep.But,it's also not my fault at all.Depression is an illness.To answer your question...No,I have never been hospitalized for depression,or any other kind of mental illness.At first,when my psychiatrist met me and saw what condition I was in,she wanted me hosptitalized.But,I didn't want to,so I didn't.I learned how to cope with my depression though.I try not to cut myself too often.It is sometimes tempting.Alot of people cut,even if they aren't depressed.But they do it to cope,and let the stress out.While I do it because I...well,let's just say that I'm not a big fan of myself.Anyways,sorry to bore you with this junk.I just have one more question though...why,or why do you think you are depressed?Are their any factors that contribute to it?Like,family abusing you,or a traumatic event....Think about it.Thanks again.

First of all, I don't think that I've done anything special except share my story with the world, but Your Welcome. If I offended you about what I said about the self-abuse issue, then I'm sorry. I just meant that I've never been depressed enough to do that. I usually either isolate myself from people /places like you, or cry when I'm having a seriously depressive episode. The reason why I asked if you've ever been hospitlaized for mental problems is because I was four years ago around the time that I was diagnosed. (I was mainly in the hospital from when I developed an ulcer due to stress from when I was in college, but being depressed did'nt help either...I was in the medical ward--not the psych ward though (just to clear things up.) It's good that your doctor listened to you instead of just putting you the hospital, But he/she still should refer you to a therapist so you can get to the root of your issues. I went into counseling and it hepled me out alot. Intead of cutting yourself, do you have any hobbies that you like to do? I write poetry and short stories and I also like to draw. Do you play any sports? I found that playing sports, or having a hobby i.e., drawing, writing poetry, playing a musical instrument etc., are some ways to deal w/stress as well as ways to cope w/your depression. (These are much healthier and safer ways too.) You did'nt bore me...I hope that I haven't been boring to you (Please don't tell me if I have been!) To answer your last two questions......I think I'm depressed for a number of reasons (beside it being a chemical imbalance in the brain): 1. I live in one the worst cities in America and I don't have the money to leave the town ( I'd rather not say what city that I live in, but believe me, it's Hickville,USA !!) 2. besides being a female and facing sexism, I also face racism on a daily basis, (I'm African-American in cause you were curious.) I don't know if can relate to the race issue or not, but I'm assuming that you're white and that you can't(No Offense). I'm sure that you have your struggles,too.) 3. I have terminal illness that I've dealt w/all my life (right now, it's in remission), But it's kept me from acheiving alot of my goals in the past 4 years. 4. I have a sibling who has mental retardation that I had to help my family take care of until they were 14 (they're now 29) They're now in a home for the handicapped), and I now go to visit them every week. One of the most traumatic events of my life was when I was sexually abused as a child by a relative, and I was also stalked by an ex-boyfriend about five years ago. These events have caused me not trust anyone (esp. men), which is probably a big reason why I'm single right now. Why do you think that you are depressed? Did you have a traumatic event that happened to you in your life? I hope that I answered all your questions. Sorry this response is so long, and I'm sorry that it took me so long to get back with you. I hope to hear from you again....But,tf not, then best of luck to you.

You've really got some serious issues.

It's okay,you didn't offend me at all.I'm sorry to hear about your life problems.Everyone has their own little problems,but it looks like yours are bigger than the average person.I'm really not that sure if I even want to consider therapy.I've heard some bad things like the treatment is inadequate or it makes you worse than before.
So,I'm really reluctant.To answer your series of questions...Yes,I have hobies but my depression makes me bored of anything,so...it doesn't really work.Sports I play occasionaly but not all the time.I understand that having certain hobbies including physical ones can help reduce stress and therefor depression but I don't have alot.Don't worry about your post,I like long detailed ones anyways,and no,you did not bore me.I am very sorry about your troubles,especially about the racism and sexism you had to face.Yes,I am white...and I'm afraid that I don't necessarily empathize with racism,but only because I have never experienced it myself.I am also sorry to hear that you were sexually abused.That can be very traumatic.As well as your other issues such as the terminal illness.I'm sorry.It's funny in a way though,that after hearing about all your problems,compared to mine,I seem like a wuss.I guess there isn't really a solid reason for my depression.I have never suffered any life trauma.At age 6,my parents divorced,which is a good thing because my father is nothing but a drunkard.He barely ever speaks to me,which is fine because I hate him anyways.I was always an average child.Not many friends,grades not that good,etc...I guess I always felt inadequate,and trivial.As my depression progressed,I spiralled into a more depressed state.I tried drugs and alcohol at age 12.I was smoking pot on a regular basis in grade 7.At age 12,I also had my first suicidal thought.I can't remember why though.At age 15,I was cutting myself at least once a week and was on the brink of suicide.At age 16,I finally told my mother about my depression,and showed her scars,she wasn't pleased.But I'm really not sure for the reason of 'why' I am depressed.I have a motivation though...to keep living.That motivation is faith.God is what motivates me.One question...what keeps you motivated?Oh....and sorry about the long post.

I grapple with booze and stress, and Restless Leg Syndrome.
What more do you want from me??
I also have problems regarding being completely surrounded by No Alcohol. I'm going to the curry..BRB

Well, at least you have a boyfriend--I know that statement doesn't help you w/ your depression, but I'm single right now, so I pretty much feel alone....As for trying Zoloft--see the response to mIfired for my answer. I doubt if you'll see this, but thanx 4 your story and good luck to you.

I'm really sorry to hear that...You're right going through this is a living hell...I hope that you get the help that you need and I hope that i do too..God help us all...thanx 4 your story.

There are some methods of therapy that get to the root of your problems that may make you feel worse for a short awile, but it doesn't last very long.. The counselor does this so you can finally find out what's troubling you so they can help you to deal with it..Beliveve me, it's not as bad as it seems...You just might get worse if you don't talk to a professional at all about your issues. you should'nt compare your problems to anyone elses..Just because they're different doesn't mak them any less important,so don't feel bad about it..and don't apologize. my problems have nothing tio do w/you,so don't worry about it. do you still see/talk to your dad? Do you live w/your mom? Are you still in High school? If so, are you a junior or senior? If not , did you get your GED? Iknow that htis maybe a little personal, but do you have a girlfriend? 'im single right now, my last serious relationship was about 5 years ago. I've never tried drugs , not even weed (to chicken), I've never smoked, and I stopped drinking about three years ago. I had my first suical thought at age 11. I attempted twicw--at age 19,and at 27. Have you ever attempted suicide? I think that the only 3things that motivate me are God, my mother and my writing...gotta go John hope to hear back from you soon....

AIDS

Just what do you mean by just typing the word "AIDS"....What the hell is that supposed to mean!? Whoever you are, you've really got some issues.

We all grappple w/issues in life, But that doesn't mean give you the right to make fun of someone else for having the courage to share their feelings/story with others on here(even if it's prefect strangers)...no matter how strange it may seem to you. I'm sorry about your ailments, I've got mine too. I guess your just one of those cold,heartless, sarcastic people who care about only about yourself and making other people feel small. I don't want anytihng from you except a decent comment on here or don't post me anything at all.

There's just something about the phrase "No Laughing Matter" that totally cracks me up.

What makes your "ailments" worse/better than mine?? I am not "heartless". I try to help people and also identify with them, But on a lighter, more humerous level.
I do Not normally respond to the "Bambi" tactic, but you seem sincere, so... Sorry I offended your needs.

Just remember:
"WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS, BITCH! YERS AINT NO DIFFERENT."

First of all, I never said that my problems are any worse than yours or anyone elses out there. If insulting and harrassing people, and calling people names on here gives some type of CHARGE, or make you feel like a bigger man, than fine. But you should know that it makes you look like nothing more than an immature little boy! Why the HELL did you reply to my story if you can't relate and don't even care!? I'd rather you just move on than waste my time or yours on here, and reply to other stories that you give a shit about. Any man that just has to call a woman a bitch to try to get some type of validation or any power, or to try to bring a woman down is not a real man in the first place and probably has a prick about the size of a lightswitch!! The word Bitch isn't what you think it means . It really means B-Beautiful,I-Intelligent ,T-Tough, C-Charming ,H-Homegirl!!!!! Oh, and by the way , since you wanna be immature and resort to childish name calling; YOUR NOTHING MORE THAN A STUPID ,BORED HE-BITCH (YES, THERE ARE MALE BITCHES OUT THERE, AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!) WHO HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO THROW INSULTS AT PEOPLE 'CUZ YOU GOT NO LIFE OF YOUR OWN, WHO HAS A BIG MOUTH, A SMALL DICK, AND WHO CAN'T SPELL WORTH A DAMN!!! HOLLA!!!!!!

It's not funny...Just Go to Hell!!!!

Sorry about not replying sooner.I was alittle busy.Don't worry about Methos.He's just a weird guy that posts random comments in random stories.I guess therapy actually doesn't sound bad.Maybe I'll give it a try.Are you in any kind of therapy right now?I don't talk to my father that much,and I almost never visit him.When I do talk to him,he's usually too intoxicated to even speak.I do live with my mother,along with my two sisters and younger brother.My father doesn't pay any child support,which is hard on my mother.I am currently in senior highschool,in grade 11.The question about a girlfriend isn't that personal.Unfortunately I don't have one and never did.My self esteem is too low to even ask a girl out,and I have too many problems right now anyways.It's good to hear that you never got into drugs.They're a horrible way to escape reality.I have never attempted suicide,but I've came close.When you attempted,what did your family think of you?Did they support you in recovering and dealing with your illness,or did they blame it all on you?it's good to hear that you have a close relationship your mother and God.Do you have a good relationship wiht your mother?Did you have a bad childhood?Sorry about the questions,just curious.Anyways,thanks for responding to my last comment and I hope you reply to this one too.

That's okay, we all get busy from time to time. I've been really busy with college exams and all. I was gettin' kinda worried about you when I did'nt hear from you. You have'nt harmed yourself lately-have you? I hope not. You're right, that "methos" character is pretty weird. Have you ever posted a story on here? My last session w/a therapist was in Nov.'05. I had been in couseling for three years, but my last therapist and insurance said that I should'nt be in counseling anymore, and that I should try to fuction without therapy,but I fell that shaould still resolve my recent issues w/ depression though. I'm trying to get another therapist at the community mental health center that I go to and through my case manager. (that's the person at the center that's supposed to advocate for the clients.) My father walked on my mom, myself, and my little brother when I was just two-and- a-half years old....I 've only spoken w/him three times in my entire life and I've only had contact w/him once as an adult. I have'nt seen him since July of 1998 when I was twenty-three years old. So don't feel bad about your situation. Are you the oldest out of the four of you? I'm the oldest of two-it's just me and my brother. It was exactly ten years since my parents broke up before my so-called Dad started paying child support.so i understand what you're going through. In my 31, (almost 32) years in my life, I've only had two serious relationships in entire life; One lasted for five years (I'm almost married my high school sweetheart, but it fell through,) the second one , lasted for a mere eight months-He became way too possessive of me , so I had to call it quits!) You're right, it's best to resolve your own issues, before getting involed w/anyone. A friend of mine once told me that God that has someone for everyone...it may sound kind of corny ,but I think it's true. Do you any female friends? Having friends at all is helpful to your self esteem, but having a friend of the opposite sex will really help you boost your self esteem, it may not help completely ,but it'll defintely help you some. If you're currently in your Senior year of high school, should'nt you be in the 12th grade,instead of the 11th grade? Are you still currently using drugs?--if so, what kind do/have use? If not,--Are you currently in treatment? I saw what drugs have done to members of my family, and I just want no part of it. I escape reality through watching movies, reading ,and writing poetry. My 1st suicide attempt was'nt really an attempt at all really, it was mainly a HUGE cry for help. I was about 19yrs old, and I had been outta high for almost a year...I decided to take a year off before going to college, Anyways, I was really depressed one night and I decided to overdose on some tylenol and some advil and alcohol. I called the local suicide prevention hotline in my town, and they called the ambulace and the police. I did'nt even have the courage to take all the medicine -I only took four pills which just made me sick. The ambulance tried to take me to the hospital, but my then-stepfather scared them away....My mom and stepdad were really angry w/me and all my stepdad said to me was anybody who kills themselves is weak and wants the easy way outta life...while my mother cried and hugged me and said oh honey, don't leave me. That was in 1993.......My last one was in 2002, this time I did'nt call anyone I just simply overdosed on on several bottles of Advil until my stomach bled and I went into a coma for over a week, As I came to, I was put through extreme measures to save my life.....My mother is still in denial about my second attempt, until this day....this reply is pretty long so I'll end it like this I recently got on an anti depressant called Celexa, and I take a pill called Ativan for anxiety. I'm recently started seeing someone and I slowly but surely getting better. Well, gotta go now..If you to talk to me away from this website, let me know, and I'll give you my email address in my next reply..Well Bye John, hope to hear from you soon....(p.s.-I have to say that I had a depressed childhood, w/a few good moments.)

I am glad to say that I haven't harmed myself recently. The last time I harmed myself would have to be a couple weeks ago. Not to be too graphic, but I usually use a razor blade and don't make deep insitions. I have posted a couple stories. One of them I am not proud of. It's nice to hear that you take therapy, but I'm sorry that your therapist thought you should handle things on your own. It's your decision on whether or not you should go to therapy. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist before? I'm sorry to hear about your father walking out on you. That can really rough. I neglected to tell you about my older brother, who lives with his friends in a town house. He's 22. So, I am the middle child. They say that the middle child has the most problems. I guess I am almost forced to believe it. My life isn't too bad though. I struggle, but I can get through it. The thing that troubles me the most is that my greatest fear would have to be myself. In grade 10 when I was excessively depressed, one thing kept me going. And that is the thought of suicide. I know it may be ironic, but it's true. After I started getting better, I decided to get closer to God. He helped me alot. Unfortunately, I don't have any female friends. I suppose it's because we're too oposite, if that makes sense. I should try to get one though. And like you said, it would probably help my self esteem. I am currently not using drugs. I have never been addicted, and only used marijuana. I've used it many times though. It is a possibility that I have been psychologically addicted to marijuana in my past. I'm not sure if grade 11 is senior highschool. I thought it was, but I kind of took a guess. I'm sorry to hear about your suicide attempts. Some people just don't understand that depression is a mental illness. They just assume that it's our fault. Anyways, there were times where I really wanted to end my life, despite the consequences it may cause. I did overcome it though. It's good to hear that you're on anti-depressants, they help 70% of the time. I have never experienced anxiety. I have heard panic attacks are the worst. It would be great if we can talk outside of this website, of course if that is okay with you. I think of my childhood as a depressing one though. My father mixed with not getting along with other children made me have some flaws in my personality. I hope I hear from you again soon. Thanks for replying.

I'm glad to hear that you haven't harmed yourself lately. I'm very proud of you. I'm not trying to be rude, but please don't tell me about how you cut yourself anymore--that kind of stuff bothers me. What have the stories that you've posted on here been about? My case manager called me this week and told me that I should be getting a call from a new therapist to schedule an appt. w/me real soon. Have you asked you Psychiatrist for a therapist yet? If you still don't feel comfortable talking to one yet, maybe you can ask him or her if they can put you in support group for depressed and suicidal people in their office. Is you dr. at a community mental health center, or are they in private practice? If your Dr.'s in private practice, maybe they can recommend you to one in your neighborhood/area. Yes, I seen a Psychiatrist before. I've probably been to about a total of at least 7 of them of and on in the past four years since 2002. The one I'm currently seeing has been my doctor for about 3 years. It's a male shrink. Is your shrink male or female? How long have you've been seeing them? Are they the ones that are putting on your anti-depressants, or is it your family doctor? My shrink is the one who put me on my anti-depressant meds. Do you think that your depression is caused mainly by your turbulent relationship with your father? Why do you feel that females are too opposite from you to be friends with? If you've never had treatment, how did stop doing drugs? Do you still smoke weed? When is your graduation date? It's true, anxiety and panic attacks are the worst. I did eventually overcome it though. I still have some anxiety from time to time and I do take medication for that- but I don't have panic attacks anymore-(thank goodness.) Well, this reply is gettin' kinda long, and I have to go now. Take Care....It was nice to hear from you again, and I hope to hear from you again real soon. ~M

I apologize for that last comment. Sometimes i get like that. I've just been alittle dissoriented lately. Ideas and images pop into my head that I don't want in there. I've only posted a couple stories. One of them being the infamous "God hates Gays" story, which I completely regret and am very sorry for posting. It's great that you got an appointment for therapy. I haven't asked my psychiatrist for a therapist yet beause I only have appiontments with her every month. (My psychiatrist is a female by the way). My doctor works at a private practice I believe. I've been seing her for almost a year now. It is my psychiatrist whom is giving me my medication. I don't take anti-depressants, I hate anti-psychotics. It still really helps with my depression though. How long have you been on medication? My family doctor is the one I had to tell I was depressed. He referred me to this psychiatrist. I had to tell my family doctor everything about my depression, which was hard. My suicidal thoughts. What my plans were to end my life. How I was too depressed to do my homework. How my grades were going down and I was failing math class. How I couldn't eat or sleep, or even alot of times get out of bed. How I had these paranoid thoughts that everyone was out to get me. And those unwanted thoughts that race into my head. I will spare you the details. Then I had to tell my psyhciatrist all over again. It was pretty embaressing. According to my psychiatrist my depression is caused by genetics, and possibly other things. But mostly genetics. I don't know why I feel that females are opposite to me. I feel that everyone is normal, and I am not. I constantly isolate myself from everyone. And even though I try very hard to fit in, and socialize, and talk with everyone...I still fail. I still isolate myself. I just can't relate with girls at all. I find that I'm just too ulgy...not only on the outside, but also on the inside, to be in their presence. I made a decision some time ago. I decided that marijuana was not a good way to escape reality. So, I stopped. I haven't smoked pot since. I graduate next year some time. I don't really pay attention to that stuff though. Have you gone to college. If so, what subject? It's good to hear that you don't have panic attacks anymore. It would be nice if we could contact eachother outside of this site. Like, msn or something. If that is okay wiht you. It's alright if you want to just keep talking on these comments. I have no problem with that. Sorry for this long post. Please accept my apology. And please reply.

My depression might be slightly caused by my relationship with my father, but not really too much. I'm not a therapist though, so I don't really know. I also put "I hate anti-psychotics"...what i meant to put is "I take anti-psychotics". I must've been typing too fast to notice. So, sorry about that. And sorry for the long post.

It's okay,I accept your apology. Is there anything going on in your life right now that's making you feel more depressed than usual? I've been on medication off and on for at least four years now. I've only been on Celexa for depression for only a month. I've been on Ativan for anxiety for two years now. Are you on anything else besides Seroquel? How long have you been on medication? I was referred to the community mental center that I go to by the hospital that I was in for my ulcer back in 2002. I know how you feel when say that you were embarrassed to tell your doctors about your sysmptoms. I went through that too when I first started treatment. Despite what you may think, not everyone else around is necessarily "normal". Just when think you're strange, remember ,there's always someone out there that's even stranger than you are. I bet you're not ugly. I sometimes think that about myself too. Even though I don't know you personally, from the messages you send me, you seem like you're a pretty nice guy.....The only time I've ever gotten high from a joint, I did'nt even actually smoke one! I was at a friend's house and she was getting high and she blew the smoke in my face 'cuz I would'nt get high w/her...I didn't feel mellow at all, I just felt silly and goofy and I had the "munchies"! I stopped talking to her for two weeks after that. When you used to get high, did you feel "mellow" or were you "goofy" and laughing constantly?-(just curious.) It's okay w/me if you want to talk outside this website, if that's still okay w/you. You can post your reponse to me here, or you can send me an email at: lonnettelovespoetry@yahoo.com. If you chose to email me, please post a brief message on here telling me to check my email for your message.Well, gotta go now...Hang in there....I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.....I hope to hear from you again soon.....(p.s.-Don't apologize, I send you long posts too!)....Until then...~M

When I typed "community mental center", I meant to say "community mental health center". To answer your question about college, I've just returned to college after being out for fpour years due to my illness (which is now in remission.) I'm an English major w/an emphasis in Creative Writing. I'm plan to become a writer and an English Professor. Do you plan on going to college? If so, do you know what you want to major in? Let know. Talk to you later. ~Mimi

Sorry I haven't responded earlier. I tried to e-mail you, but I don't use yahoo often. When I find out how to use it exactly, I shall e-mail you. A few days ago I was really thinking about suicide. I don't know why. I was just really frustrated that day. I'm suprised I didn't snap. Then when I saw my medication, the thought occured to me. Lately I've been pretty depressed. More than usual I guess. It's just stress from school, my part-time job, social life, and even alittle from my father. It's good to hear that you're on some medication. It really helps. I am only on seroquel, as persribed by my psychiatrist. Nothing else. Thank you for thinking I'm a nice guy. It's hard to think good things about myself sometimes. You seem like a cool person. When I'm high, that is was high, I just tend to stare at the walls for an hour or so, then pass out. In the morning I usually don't remember what happened. I guess that's called 'blacking out'. I am thinking about going to college. But I actually want to become a policeman. That way I can help people, the society. I think one of my biggest problems would have to be envy, or jealousy. I find I am envious more than the average person. Have you ever experienced such an emotion? Well, I think everybody has. But do you experience it often? Do you have any particular problems...emotions you have to deal with? I'm also very pesimistic at times. Do you consider yourself to be more optimistic or pesimistic? Anyways, sorry again for my delayed reply. I'll try to get my damn yahoo working. I'll hope to hear from you soon.

Envy is very bad. It could keep you from being a policeman. Imagine for instance that your are a policeman and you see someone that you are envious of. What would you do? Shoot him?
And what if it happened again and you shot someone else. That would make you a serial killer. And with all those prescripion drugs that you take, and that you pass out and not remember what happened, you might not know that you may be a serial killer. . You might be a serial killer now for all you know.

lolololololol

I feel for you i really do.i to have suffered from depression for many years,i resorted to smoking cannabis for years to help me feel happy,which in the short term it did,over a period of time my behaviour sometimes verging on the manic lost me all my friends,last october i sat and smoked half an ounce of weed then during that night i suffered a breakdown i was commited to a psychiatric unit for a while this waas absolutely terrifying,thankfully i did get help although limited.i am now off drugs thankfully all except those the doctor prescribes for my depression i am feeling beeter than before but still have days where i wish i was dead and cant be bothered to even get dressed.. im sure its gonna be this way for ever no matter what drugs the doc gives me ..the drugs make me like a zombie,so i stop taking them then i go down again,my life feels like a roller coaster of ups and bad downs.i wish it was over tell the truth

If you can't put down a descent comment, why even bother.

Your comment made absolutely no sense whatsoever and it's way-off topic.. Why even bother.

I'm sorry that you've been depressed more than usual latley. Could you tell me what's been going on in your life lately that's provoked this particular depressive episode? I don't mean to sound like a therapist, but if you feel that bad to the point that want to hurt yourself, you should talk with a pastor/minister/ or priest (if you have one)....if you don't want to do that, you may want to talk to a close friend that you can trust (if you have one), or you can all your psychiatrist's office and tell them that you need to see her right away, or you may just want to walk in there and tell them that it's an emergency and that you have to see he right awayr......I don't know what part of the country that you live in, but look in the phone book to see if there's a 24-hour suicide/prevention hotline in your area that you can call. If not, there's a national hotline that you can call and that's: 1-800-suicide. They have crisis
counselors to talk to 24-hours a day/ 7 days a week......But if none of that works, you need to find a way to get to your nearest emergency room. Even if you have to be in the hospital for a few days, a least you'll be trying to save your own life. If you're admitted, they'll get information about your doctors from and let them both know so that they can improve your treatment. Also on your next appointment, ask your shrink if she can put you on an anti-depressant along w/the seoquel to see if that will help you to feel better. I envy other people sometimes, usually the rich and famous. I always thought that my life would be better w/ those things but I realize now , that that's not neccesarily true. I get pessimistic alot sometimes, but I'm trying to change my attitude on my life. I'm real sensitive, a little too sensitive at times, that's my big flaw. If you don't have a Yahoo account, that's fine, just send me an email from whichever other search engine that you're with. If you want a yahoo account, go under "free email sign up" and it'll show you what to do. In the meantime, try to hang in there, for you'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, and please try not to hurt yourself. I know that this my sound corny, but LIFE is definitely worth LIVING....(I really hope and pray that you'll live to see this message).Until then, take care of yourself, and I really hope to hear from you again soon. Until then ~Mimi email me @ :(lonnettelovespoetry@yahoo.com)

Mimi- be careful- Don't get too close to John Doe. I've seen it before, people like John can turn on you and claim they have no recollection. Just be careful. And don't give out any personal information.

I'm trying to be as careful as I can be. I'm tring to give the best advice I can w/o giving out any personal info....You're right, It's best not to give out asny persanl info on here or anywhere else on th internet. Thanx 4 your concern.

I'm sorry I haven't e-mailed you earlier. However, I just e-mailed you, so please check it out. Thanks.

I'm really sorry that you feel this way......I used to feel this way too. I started
counseling along with the drug therapy and it helped me alot . You should ask you doctor for a
referral to a counselor or a support group...You would probably benfit alot from it....In the end, despite our illnesses, it's up to us to make sure that we get better. Sorry I did'nt respond earlier. Thanx for your story and good luck to you.

I JUST E-MALED YOU TOO!!!! BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE VERY SMART. I DID NOT MEEN TO BE MEAN TO YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT YOUR POSTS ARE SOO LONG. THAT IS JUST MY OPINION.

I LIVE IN AMERICA WHERE I MAY HAVE MY OWN OPINION. AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO LISTEN TO IT.
IF MY POSTS MAKE YOU MAD, I WILL GLADLY GIVE YOU A HUG.(maybe even a spiderman too!)

Yeah, I do get a little "long-winded" at times, Just a force of habit from being a writer (I guess.) I'll try to keep this brief...Despite some of your wild remarks, I think that you're an interesting person....r u a guy or a girl? (Just curious!) ...If I don't hear back from you thanx for the apology.....~M

you suck!!

I think it's hilarious that you're depressed. I can't stop laughing. I suggest cyanide for your suicide.

If not, get the fuck off the internet and go play Cock Comparing with your imaginary friend, Jimmy.

If that fails, just die. The coolest ways to die include: running into traffic, jumping off a building, self-immolation, hanging, self-mutilation and rape. All else is inferior.

To smithee & oify;
You guys are both REALLY SICK putting you issues on other people you insensitive assholes....You're the ones that suck!! Happy Holidays!!

hahaha

this is funny

I doubt you'll get round to reading my post. I've been there sister, I'm a guy btw, I've been so deep into that pool of depression that I came out the other side and believe me no matter how dark you think it is it can keep getting worse. What I will say is that life is what it is. Try to be positive, you don't have to do anything in this life you don't want to. You've heard all this crap before I'm sure but try to be inspired and positive, it depends how thick and deep your depression is. Do something nice for yourself. Have you ever killed some1 or raped some1 if not ur not a bad person. U really aren't ur a good person and you deserve to be happy. Eat a bannana, 2 or 3. Try and do some exercise. If this is too much for you which I frequently cannot be fucked to do go out into the cold air and don't smoke but take deep lungfulls of air. Listen to some good music. Do not despair and do not take your life because it is precious and a beautiful thing when you remember.

Go see Dr. fuckface Phil

Please watch "The Secret". You can get it free at www.youtube.com
I was where you are now. Please trust me and spend two hours to watch it. It won't cost you anything and it will help you.

I love you depressed guys. & i mean that. I could easily be one of you. *free hugs 4 all*

Its sad. We are so alone in the age of communication technology. what is happening to this world? you walk down a road with thousands of pple around you & noone notices you. not really anyway. 0 fellow feeling in this world these days. WELL! i am going to be the 1 fellow with feeling 4 all! KEEP HOPE ALIVE! GET THE JUMPER CABES!

/sob
I... I... I was depressed too...
I... oh shit who cares.

I, too, suffer from severe clinical depression. I don't blame ya. I am on prozac AND i have a counselor. I feel like it's not helping at all though. I've tried killing myself twice. Just this past Wednesday, as a matter of fact. Life is tough and well, if you're religious like me, you just have to believe God will be there and has a plan for you and is using you in a way he needs to. He is probably just testing you. 20 years is quite a long time though. I really don't know what to say. Really. It's hard to give advice to people that are having the same problem as me. I still don't know what to do to make the hurting go away. :/

hello

If your meds are not working immediatly do not stop. Use them for the reccomended period

rofl.

I don't want to poke fun...I know the pain of all out despair.

I recently heard about this new treatment for people with a lack of will to live...started in switzerland or a country near it.

It basicly amounts to a good long whipping while off all drugs. Supposedly it stimulates the the brain to produce more dopamine. I assume there is no permant damage. It is done voluntairily and has just started to be studied but a good majority of the participants felt better and had a renewed sense of connection and will to live...search on google for whipping treatment depression or something similar and you should find the articles. This is totally serious.

I was suprised...but it really makes sense to me. You get whipped, cry your head off, the emotional side of it...well, depressive feelings of worthlessness and guilt could really get worked out IMHO.

Good Luck!

Has anyone here ever ever tried herbal supplements to treat depression/anxiety?

seroxat/ paroxetine. It's magic. The higher the dose the happier you get..Shit ... if i crashed my brand new sports car i'd still be smiling...because i use seroxat..the happy pill.

wow...fcuk me mimi..you should write a novel.

st. johns wart.

why not try eating more fruit...thats the best natural way to cure anything..

...until the citric acid burns a hole in your stomach, and you cough up blood all over your sweater that you saved up for for two months, and now you have to go at night without your favorite sweater, which then leaves you cold AND depressed.

Shut up, bitch. You should kill yourself too, one less inbred fuck that wastes bandswidth on this site.

I have indeed been where you have been. I know many people will recommend healthier diets, exercise, or on the flip side, just intense analyzation of your problems...which should be done anyway. However, the meds have been very beneficial for me. Seeing as how long you've suffered from this, it might be a neurobiological thing, which meds can usually set right. Good luck.

yea... im almoast the same way, i cant seem to have fun doing ANYTHING, even stupid crazy things i just take as a normal thing and nothing special

but in the mean time, try filling a syringe with air and shooting it up in your arm, the thrill of almoast dying a horibly painfull death may make you panic a bit and you'll get a thrill out of that... if you live... which you wont

maby you need to find a life partner

Are you getting enough vitamins and minerals? I've heard cases of humans having mental-reactions because they were lacking Vitamin B12 or vitamin D. You just may ask your doctor if you should get tested for lack of nutriants, such as Vitamin A and potassum.

The woman who lacked Vitamin B12 or couldn't assimulate it was having symptons of schizofrenia, but when they injected Vitamin B12, she stopped seeing things.

Check it out.

hahaahaahaaahaaa!!!

sorry couldnt help it

hm....i think im depressed and have thought so for years, no one will believe me because i am 15 and that is "too young to be depressed" but i have tryed to kill myself 4 times, and if i am not in a state of constant phisical pain i cant function because of the weird painful emptyish feeling that wells up inside like at my chest that hurts way more than normal pain i am NOT an emo or goth, because that is just stupid normaly but would you say that i am depressed?

Go see a doctor!!! Try lexapro or celexa or some other type of anti-depressant and get into counseling. A good friend stopped taking her meds and lapsed back into depression. I didn't even know she had suffered from depression until then. Once she had her meds adjusted and started taking them again she became her same positive self. Good Luck!

New studies show that antidepressants and talk therapy don't do the trick. Here's what does.

Depression is just about the loneliest experience in the world. One of the main reasons I get so much satisfaction from helping people with depression, as my husband Bob and I have for over 20 years, is that I suffered so much from this illness. And, because of that, so of course did Bob. It was especially painful for him, as a psychologist, to feel helpless to cure my so called %u201Ctreatment resistant depression.%u201D

My depression spurred us both on to develop new and effective methods for healing depression. What we found as we studied depression in our clients and emerging research about how the brain actually works, is that the public is so misinformed it's almost a con.

How I wish I had had the real scoop on depression in my teens, when I had all the signs: sleep problems, radical weight fluctuations, isolation from other students, lack of ability to enjoy myself, panic attacks, but mostly the sense that something was terribly, terribly wrong. And since no one could help, that something was wrong with me.

Now, I'm pleased to say: no more! Now I have the satisfaction of reaching out to others who suffer from depression and emotional pain because I've been there. Often I'm able to guide them out of the deep dark hole they fear they are sentenced to for life. Every time this happens it feels as if I've somehow reached back into my own past to pull another part of myself into the light.
Depression facts

So let me share with you the real facts about depression. First of all, clinical depression affects 15% of the population, and a third of all women. One of the reasons twice as many women as men suffer depression and anxiety, according to researchers at University College, London, is that women's traditional roles (taking care of the household, family finances and children) are under-valued. Many of us wind up feeling guilty and exhausted as we try (or have to) become achievers at work and/or lonely and frustrated at home. Men are also under pressure in an effort to balance family life with an increasingly competitive workplace, and are particularly vulnerable to depressive episodes after redundancy and retirement. The burden on the often isolated nuclear family is enormous, with little time left for the kids or relationships with friends and even extended family.

It is little wonder depression is the second biggest killer behind heart disease (itself a contributory factor in depression), and is increasing a staggering 23% per year in children, according to one Harvard University study.

Hope it helps

The real tragedy is the lack of effective available treatments, with many people led to believe that pills, or herbs or diet will do the trick. The truth is that antidepressants work for less than 50% of depressed people, and are about as effective as sugar pills. The FDA only recommends taking them for short periods. (This does not mean you should stop taking them abruptly, certainly not without medical supervision. Or at all, if they are helping you.) Even natural remedies, such as St. John's Wort, while they may not have nasty side effects, don't offer a long-term cure.

Savvy psychiatrics suggest therapy along with medication, but here's the rub. The standard form of psychotherapy for depression, cognitive behavioral therapy, has a relapse rate of up to 80%, according to University of Washington researchers.
Depression in the brain

The problem with these treatments is that they don't reflect the latest research, and fail to address the underlying causes of depression. Childhood trauma is now recognized as the primary cause of clinical depression. This can include everything from outright abuse to criticism, lack of attention, unclear boundaries, divorce, conflict within the household, neighbourhood or even violence on TV.

This trauma inhibits the natural development of the brain, leaving several crucial areas, including the frontal cortex, hippocampus and amygdale, from functioning properly. Emotions are exaggerated and often inappropriate, decisions become difficult and depression and anxiety result.

Researchers are now viewing depression as a physical disability%u2014just like having a spinal injury. It's a structural problem in the brain caused by an %u201Caccident,%u201D or trauma. That's why you cannot just talk your way out of it, nor find lasting relief by simply treating the neurochemical imbalance%u2014itself a symptom of the brain's misdevelopment.
The relationship solution

But there is a cure! The %u201Caccidents%u201D which lead to depression are almost always dysfunctional relationships. As adults we tend to seek out and recreate the most difficult relationship patterns from childhood, and so the damage is perpetuated, reinforcing our vulnerability to depression.

The good news is that certain kinds of supportive and trust-worthy relationships can actually undo the damage of poor relationships. The brain is capable of growing new cells in a process called neurogenesis. But to do so the brain needs a safe and emotionally healthy environment, free from the trauma of criticism, uncertainty, abandonment and abuse.
advertisement

We believe that each person can create a relationship environment that will allow the injured brain to heal. Needs not met in childhood by our parents and significant adults must be met by our partner, friends, family and workmates. If you were threatened as a child you may need people to ask for permission before giving you a hug. Or you may need them to be very careful not to criticize you, because that may spark fears of abandonment and trigger a depressed mood. If a boss constantly points out your faults and not your achievements, you may fear being fired. Don't be afraid to ask him to give you positive feedback%u2014and specify how often%u2014and to let him know the conditions you require to work at your best.

Bringing people into the process of healing your depression can start with something as simple as asking