Are You Normal?

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25 year old, no boyfriend, intentional virgin
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69% Normal
17 Comments

Hello everyone,

First time here. I've been around reading posts, glad to join you.

I am a 25 year old marketing manager. I have a good job, a very good education and a decent physique. People tell me I have a beautiful smile. I am smart, love reading and traveling and watching tv shows, and I know a lot about movies. On the other hand I never actually cared about how I look, dressing all sorts of baggy clothes, only once in a while dressing up.

So is it normal that I am 25 years old and that I only had ONE boyfriend in high school (lasted for 6 months over a summer), whom I stayed obsessed with for the next 8 years. Finally cut ties and trying to get on with my life now.

I am a virgin by choice, I struggled with this for a while lately because I wasn't sure if it was the right decision or even a decision to make, but I am quite clear about the fact that I am doing it for my mother (religious stuff for her (I'm an atheist (but I love my mother to death) ) ) and not for myself.

I don't think a relationship is all about sex, so what is happening? Why can't I even get a first date? Is it normal?

P.S: I don't go out much (work / home / friends / family)
I'm trying to take better care of how I dress (it's working)
Sorry for all the parentheses...

Cheers

Is It Normal?
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Comments (17)
If you're fine with staying a virgin at this age then that's fine. Whether it's for your mom's sake or for comfort's sake, stay as a virgin until you're ready to give it up. There's no pressure to lose it after all.
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I_win
You say decent physique and a beautiful smile. Do you work out? I'm guessing you are female BTW. If I had to guess you probably intimidate guys or most assume you already are in a relationship. Anything other than that doesn't really make sense for even the average level of attractive female. Many guys today don't really bother with women due to the current legal and social state of society, but that isn't your fault. You'll probably meet someone soon and you are still young.
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@: I_win
Yes, I do some Yoga. I'm not thin, I have a round body.
Maybe I talk to much, and maybe my obsession with my ex leads people to think I still date him.
I really feel like a screw up!
I mean my mother expects me to marry soon, she doesn't even know I never had a boyfriend...
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You seem like a nice woman. I can totally relate to the parent part I'm like 20 and a virgin, I have a long term boyfriend who's perfect but yk I feel stupid for saying that but I'm like you on the parent part. Anyone would be happy to have you irrespective of you being a virgin or not. You never had a boyfriend after him because I think you withdrew from your love life by yourself it's not about your ex it's about you. Even I don't go out much I can totally relate with you I just happened to stumble upon my man at university and that's the best thing to ever have happened. You have my wishes, open up a little. Xxo
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I think you have to stop worrying, it will come when you don't expect it.
however, you kind of need to work for it, and by that i mean doing things you don't do now. obviously ,what you have been doing doesn't work, so try doing something new. never say no when your friends invite you out, try saying yes to loads of new things, etc.
also, take a closer look into your friends. my boyfriend had been my guy friend for ages, and i had never seen anythign in him... until one day, iunno. something changed.
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novonome
relax, you will definitely meet 'the one' however maybe you should get out a bit and have a few other relationships first. cause if you simply meet Mr Right (this could happen any day or night , anywhere any place) and settle down with him for good you may or may not wonder about some of the physical aspects (and other )of being with other men.
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MethSmokingSatanist
Being a virgin for your mom is kind of dumb. Your virginity is none of her buisiness. Once you're an adult you need to stop feeling guilty for not pleasing your parents, especially in really personal ways like that.
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When it comes to religion it's more than just pleasing them.
My mother feels safe when she thinks I abide by the rules of her religion.
It's not like I've wanted to have sex but stopped myself because of my mum, never actually.
The one time I almost did it was with my ONLY ex, and I said no stop because I wasn't comfortable, and didn't want to do it.
Maybe like some people said when I'll find the one I won't overthink it that much.
The virgin note is just to say that I am definitely not open to a relationship that will seek only sexual pleasure.
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1. Break away from your mom's wishes and reglion. It'll add unnecessary pressure from finding a guy, to quickly getting married, to having children soon. It's just not that easy. Finding the right guy takes time and patience, if you jump into marriage too fast with the first seemly nice guy you meet, without getting to know him, he may no be the guy you thought he was.

2. Being a virgin is no big deal. Most guys don't mind and will understand; but the ones who don't or try to pressure you into sex are the ones you should avoid.

3. Just be yourself. Build your confidence. Right now, you're trying too hard to change everything about yourself, and those worries you have are probaby showing in your body language. If your want to change your style, do it gradually. Look around for items that truly catch your eye in stores you don't usually shop in, make a fun day of it; because it's not about impressing the guy, but about feeling good in what you wear.
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felixy
First you need to admit there's a problem in your psyche if you were hung up on a summer romance for almost a decade. Saving your virginity for your mother's sake is also a big question mark in my book. Could be you're just too close to your mom and not close enough to your dad.

Good thing is, attraction doesn't care about your relationship maturity level. Focus on being feminine and being charming. All men and women gravitate towards happy people in hopes they can rub some of that happiness onto themselves. Focus on your clothes and makeup and you'll get attention.
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@: felixy
Oh, I totally admit I have a problem for being hung up on my ex.
I admitted it even to him, telling him "can't talk to you nor be friends with you, my mind is not right, and I need to fix it."
That's why I think I'm sane now, and more mature.
Let's just say I changed a lot since I graduated and started working.
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Cedric_Diggory
Maybe your personality is just off-putting. Maybe you come across as having a bad attitude. Maybe you have what they call resting bitch face. Maybe you don't smell very good. Maybe you look too much like a tomboy lesbian type by the way you dress. Maybe your voice is weird. Maybe you talk too much about yourself. Maybe you come across as smart-assy and lead people to think that you think you are smarter than them. Maybe you give off a vibe that you think you are better than people. Maybe you're a ginger. Maybe you seem like too much of a "momma's girl". Maybe you put everybody on hold, including your personal life, in order to please your mother. Maybe your breath smells really bad. Maybe you have big gums compared to tooth length and it makes people feel uneasy around you when you laugh.
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paulthepoes
I am afraid to say that you will remain a virgin until you are able to forget about your first boyfriend and move on with your life!
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No, no and no!
Not a lesbian, it wouldn't bother me if I were, but I checked :D
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Jayendra
Check out my post 2 btw it's normal
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You sound like a nice girl, some people just dont prioritize sex like others, its not top of your list, but im sure youd love sex as much as the next person. Clearly you have a wonderful ability to build strong bonds, and in another time life you & your ex bf would of been married and you & him happily doting on each other. Times are different, and people that have a good smart head either just withdrawl from others, or they try their damnest to adapt. If you ask me i think everyone is pretty miserable because of this. At the very least you have your principles. Eventually youll find someone, my hope is, that that person will appreciate how well you bond. It would be a shame to see you toss it all in favor of that casual give a shit less miserable vibe many 20s-30s something women have these days.

Ps,totally dif topic im curious, you think your mom would be the same person if she was atheist?
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Thanks for the reply!

If my mom was an atheist. hmmmm! Nice question.
I think she'd pretty much be the same person. Because I kind of think that it's our society that bothers her most, their opinion and their view of us.
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