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WHY WAS I A PERVERTED CHILD?
i just found out that years ago my twin cousins were molested and i hear that that really messes kids up. Well i can remember when i was a little girl they would get me to undress and we would do this thing that we called the pee pee show. (i guess they did this because they were messed up from being molested.) Well i didnt know what sex was because i think i was only like 4 or 5 years old, but any chance we got we would touch eachother down there. They would fight over which one would marry me and always wanted to touch me and watch me pee (they were like 6 years old.) Well we did that for a while until my parents caught us all with our pants down, and then it stopped. Well when i was like in 2nd grade i got into my dads porno stash by accident and saw everthing. after that i can remember i wanted to mimic what was in the pornos. so me and one of my friends who was a girl started doing sexual things to eachother. We would pretend we were in the pornos and pose just like in the pics. then one time my brother was sleeping and i gave him head in his sleep(i was still to little to know any better) and he had peed in my mouth. so i never did that again. after that i had started touching my dogs in a wrong way. I use to always try to spy on my dad naked. and one day he caught me and was really pissed off. Now i am 19 years old and i can still remember those things that i had done. and i know i didnt know any better but i feel really freaking sick about it all. did something mess me up in the head? Im not incest and im not into beastality at all!!! I feel absouletly disgusted with the things i had done as a child. And i was wondering if anybody else did these things as a child. I think the porn and my cousins fucked me up in the head. Im not at all like that now ive been dating this guy for 4 years and we are going to get married. I still have perverted thoughts now and then but not to that extent. Do you think i should get some counseling? i have never spoke of this to anyone before and i am even having a difficult time typing this post. I know this is not normal but what should i do?? No immature comments please!!
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Comments (13)
Pentacle5 (2238)
2006-06-03 01:17:43
I would recommend counseling. While young kids do experiment, it's confusing and traumatic to see things like pornography. Your reaction was normal, but not healthy. You should get help, and don't feel ashamed; you were just a kid. How could you know? Sexual abuse doesn't just screw up the victims, as you've shown, it also affects those close to the victim. Good luck in your marriage.
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Anonymous
2006-06-03 02:32:51
@: Pentacle5
youv just found out lol warra lowd o tish, why was i a perverted child, perverts are 50 year old men looking at 15-16 year old girls you idiot.
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Anonymous
2006-06-03 02:42:50
@: Anonymous
If you ask me this is a made up story trieing your best to get some responces, i honestly think that you are full of crap, just hangin on what evr threds ya can.
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Anonymous
2006-06-03 02:43:43
@: Anonymous
and the why was i a perverted child (the one i did on the top) was just mocking you title.
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Anonymous (Story Author)
2006-06-03 13:48:11
Ummm no im not making this story up. Thanx for the help u anoymous jackasses
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chris4321 (1672)
2006-06-04 15:49:15
i also recomend consoling were ur ready but until then just try 2 concentrate on other things
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Capricornblue (2312)
2006-06-04 16:12:13
Y
Why does this bother you? Kids do that kind of thing and having dirty ideas about sex - so what. As Woody Allen once said when asked if sex was dirty "Only if you're doing it right."
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Scarlett (2850)
2006-07-20 22:46:32
sex as a young child
Me and my best friend would finger each other when we wer in like secound grade. One of us would be the "boy" and make sexual advances on the other. We would go to my pay house and hide from my parents and touch eachother. I was never molested. I dont have anything bad with porn. But I did learn to fake orgasms from watching HBO pron when I was like 10.
E-mail me if you want to walk, I think we have some in commn. ivy1731@hotmail.com
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mushie (2905)
2006-07-24 04:01:50
don't know if u will still read this, but i am deeply touch by your story. even though i've never experience these problems i can immagin how horrible you feel. and to type it up in an post it up here.. i admire your courage.

anyways i think it's normal, human have fantasys and thoughts about things they are curious about. although i am deeply sadden by your experience it's probably best to just forget it. you were small and you had no idea what you were doing. you were only influence by the people around you to turn out to be like that. now that you've know better and know that it's wrong to do so, you should just tell yourself that you were only a kid. but do seek consult if you think you can't get over it.

i wish the best of luck to you ^^
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fugnug (2843)
2006-07-25 00:10:11
I was a perverted child myself
when my brothers and I were in gradeschool, we made a porno comic called porkey's. it was the most vile thing a child could create. we took kids and teachers from school and made them characters.. the host of place was a cartoon pig named porkey. he we a mischeivous devil of a pig, who had sex with women, children and animals (well all the characters in porkey's did). each little book would be about a guy who gets horney and goes to porkeys.. there was this thing called the fun holes that was a mystery wall with holes on it to stick your c*ck into. there would be girls bending over on the otherside, but then there would be a trap fun hole that cuts your penis off. there was all kinds of crazy sex contraptions and girls from gradeschool and other stuff for people to have sex with. porkey's wasn't the only one, we also made perverted parodies of kids books like snow white, and jumunji. we didn't do it cause it was sexy. we did it because it was funny. we showed freinds our wicked creations and we had good times reading and laughing.. we were never molested or anything. we just had wild imaginations... our world came crashing down when our parents found our stash of hand-drawn porn comics.. my brothers pinned all the blame on me; so I out of three, was the one taken to counseling..but can you blame us for being like that? I remember watching rated R movies.. seems like every movie in the 80s/early 90s hand loads of sex and blood.. our parents let us watch freddy kruger, and child's play, and others.. it was good food for young imaginations you know...

it's up there on the wall
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Ladybug (3106)
2006-08-06 23:18:17
It's okay and perfectly normal to react as you did in your situation. Children mimic what they see around them. They do what they are told. It is only when they grow older that they begin to understand they hows and whys of their actions. This is why so many children who are abused feel such guilt. Sometimes they are happy willing participants in the abuse. It is only later that they understand what is really going on.

Because of all the porn at a young age, your sense of what's normal healthy loving sex may be a bit skewed. That's not to say that there's necessarily anything wrong with kinky sex, but it's understandable that you feel uncomfortable or dismayed or whatever.

Probably talking to a therapist would do you good. There seemed to be a lot of intense emotion and confusion in your writting. It gives me the sense that you have some feelings you need to talk out and understand better.
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deamond (5379)
2007-01-27 19:26:46
Hey, you were a little kid.
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deamond (5379)
2007-01-27 23:30:43
You didn't know what you were doing back then, you didn't even have any actual sex drive at the time.
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