Are You Normal?
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Living together = no more sex?
I’ve heard all the time that relationships go downhill if you live together; I just did not expect it to happen to me. I started living with my serious boyfriend about a year ago and since then our relationship has practically turned into a non-intimate relationship. And although I always viewed him as “the one” we had intimacy problems even before the “move-in”; he is definitely less sexually experienced and less sexual than I am and does not show any affection towards me on his own. Now that we’re living together the sex has dwindled to practically none and when we do have sex, I am usually the one who has to initiate it. I have expressed my frustration with his lack of intimacy many times over but he does not seem to ever change. Sometimes I fear he just is not attracted to me anymore or may be bored with me. I am not exactly sure what to do anymore because I tried communicating with him and nothing seems to get through his head. We also now have two puppies that really make intimacy even more difficult. I fear that with the lack of efforts on his part, my feelings have turned away from him and I have no choice but to turn to greener pastures. How do I get it through his head that if he doesn’t put more effort into showing his affection towards me, I will in fact leave him even though I told him those exact words many times?
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Maybe you could try writing this down to show him (or maybe show him this post) but make sure he knows that you still love him, and are not attacking him as it could come aross like that.
This situation does seem to happen a lot though, maybe you both need to discover what attracted you to each other in the first place. Maybe you could have a romantic weekend away or try something new in the bedroom to try and get the sparks back.
Make sure he knows why you're unhappy though, which gives him the chance to show you some affection. Its a shame to leave a relationship after so long but if your not happy it might be the right thing to do as theres plenty of people out there who would show you love and affection.
A relationship shouldn´t be a drag and duty-work.
Maybe you two can make a contract, he fakes affection for you and in return you give him a blowjob.
Then you´d both have what you want.
How does that sound?
Fair
as such, when you enter into this institution, it is very unnatural and lots of people find their instincts urge them toward things that don't fit the "ideal" cohabitation situation and then feel guilty or like they are somehow to blame or have "got it wrong".
people choose to be together for al sorts of reasons, raising kids in today's society is a good one, but many people break up after kids grow up as there is little in common to need to live together.
same thing with cohabiting. people will stay together, married, faithfully and be reasonably happy in many areas, very happy in a few if lucky, but naturally, you will always be driven to not be monogomous. it's human instinct (which doesn't again make it right!) it just means you WILL have urges that conflict with the ones you've been brought up to pursue and you WILL feel internal conflict ("my relationship is poo now but I feel I should stay") but people can and do of course, fight these every day. just don't expect it to be easy (or embrace it and expect the socially created stigma of being a single female who has several sexual partners - the question is, do you care?) good luck
He is likely disgusted and suspects some sort of bizarre infidelity on your part.