you sound like bill dautrieve off of king of the hill.

It sounds much easier said than done, but you have to get over her. If she does not feel the same towards you, than you are wasting your life away. Go and meet new women. And don't hesitate to talk to other women, just do it. If you are obsessing over this girl and you feel there is no chance, than stop thinking about her. Its not doing you any good is it?

Its not helping me at all.
I had somehow always hoped that one day i would see her again. When i was seeing other women i felt for her and not for the ones i was with, even after all these years.
It was either be with someone this way or be alone.
There was always this tiny hope, that maybe one day...
And when she finally told me that i would have to forget that she ever existed, that hope died.. and oh the pain.
I rushed in panic to the kitchen and starting drinking in a hurry. The tears were flowing, i wasnt with myself.
I stayed well drunk that whole day, how i cherished the alcohol..
My worst nightmare had come true.

How could she say this! How could she! Did she not understand what she was doing?
Did she not see that i was being crucified!

Fifteen hours later i was in bed, tormented and at some point i just gave up. I couldnt take it any longer.
I would have done anything just to get rid of the pain, this neverending agony.
Like i was getting on my knees and praying for mercy, praying for the pain to go away.
I surrendered my pride.
I was lying on the ground, unable to move with bleeding eyes and the lord was standing
above me, how utterly powerless i was i can never describe, how completely upon his mercy.
It was like it wasnt about her anymore, but something else.

maybe sometimes wanting is a lot better than having. it's easier to put someone on a pedestal in your fantasy.

she lives half way around the globe with another man.
Its been ten years.

I cant stop obsessing over her and i have this freakin pain in my head over her.
I have to get rid of it somehow.
She doesnt talk to me anymore.

Im torn,
i both have to go, and cant go.

should i go?

sure.. whats the worst that could happen?

I hope this is normal... i'm in exactly the same posistion, except we didn't formally date. We were really good friends while we worked together. Now she lives with someone else, and i've never been able to tell her how i feel.

Not really comforting to you I know, but you're not alone!

I would recommend therapy if it is interfering that much with your life.