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Afraid of Grieve and DSS
Almost two years ago I attempted suicide and had been cuttin myself for six months. I got put in DSS custody. I hated it so much. I didn't express myself or talk. I just lied my way through it because I'm afraid of being trapped. Everyday was like a rude and horrifying experience. I has no choice and it scared me. The people there weren't mean just forceful. When I got out, four months later my mom died. I went to live with my dad. Is it normal that everytime I come close to crying or talking about her death, I get flashback of that place ad cutting myself. I remember how when I called 911 I could have told them how bad it really was. I just couldn't get it out, sort of frozen. I remember not being able to administer CPR. Is it normal to think it is my fault she died? Is it normal to think that if I grieve I'll be put back in DSS custody?
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Comments (5)
DoeDoe (2836)
Its normal to feel both things, but that doesn't make it true. Thats just a natural reaction but if you think about it youll realize that you are not too weak to have control of your behavior (separate from feelings). I dont know the details of your mother's death, but I'm pretty sure that the opposite is true in that case: basically you cannot cause that to happen without doing it physically.
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cutiepie (2691)
wow...
im sory to hear about ur mother. its kinda sounds like that she was showing how much it was hurtin hur on the in-side and out to see hur child attempt suicide. like she was sending a message but in a different way. its alright to feel like it was ur fault that she did die. but just cause you think it was ur fault does not mean it actually was. things like this happens all the time and we have a no clue why it happens to us, it jus does. but why did u try to attempt suicide? do u no how much that would hurt the people that love u and the ones who loves u back (ur mother, father, sister/brother, who evers in ur family?) i no that when my friend committed suicide i was devastated. it felt lie it was my fault fur his death. do u want people to feel like that if u did die? i no i wouldnt.
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babyangel2580 (1623)
happpy pills :D
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lizaann1967 (3694)
he's your dad and i hope that you can talk to him, you can't keep your feelings bottled up. there was nothing you could have don't if it was her time. the last day i saw my mom alive, i was a selfish teen, and i wished i could have told her i loved her, and the doctors asked my sisters if they could would donate part of her eyes. and i felt that they didn't do everything they could to save her. having feelings about things we can't control is terrible, but know we can't control them. you are fine, you had problems before but you dealt with them, and sorry to hear that was a terrible place.
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OrderSolDragonInstallGunflame (3861)
Damn, if only it wasn't illegal! Then I wouldn't have to answer this question.
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