This is my story. (Relationships.)

I turned 12 years old and I started to get lovesick. In other words, when you have no childhood-sweetheart to be with, you start getting lovesick being alone for a very long time. When you get lovesick, you start to feel pain in your heart, and you feel sadness within your body. I dont know really how to explain it, it's just a painful feeling you get when you want to be with a girl, but cant. I'll just say, it's not pretty.

When I was 12, I fell in love with an anime character on TV. This may sound silly, but yes, this really happend. I dont really know how it happend, it just did. I believe the reason this happend is because anime characters were drawn to perfection to look like real people. I did some research on this to find out if it was normal, and I stumbled across some other guys who also fell in love with an anime character when they were kids due to the way they were drawn, so I figured this was normal.

When I turned 13, I was still in love with this character. The character gave me faith that there was still a special girl out there like her that was waiting for me, and I could still have a girlfriend.

Months past and I pretty much created this "fantasy woman" within my head. In other words, I had my own ideal woman I wanted to meet that had special traits that I desired. She had traits simular to the anime girls I liked on TV, and alot of other nice things I liked.

More months passed and I was still lonely and heartbroken at 13. I had this dream woman that I liked, but back then, it felt like I couldnt even have her or meet her.

I wrote stories about this dream woman,
I had dreams about her,
I sang songs about her,
I daydreamed about her,
I used to go outside at night and wish for her to come to me,
etc. etc. etc.

If you're a little confused at this point, I am actually talking about a character I created in my own head. Yes, she was based off the anime girl, but she was evolving into my own dream girl. I used to think about her all the time, and then I made a point in my life I had to find her.

You might be thinking at this point, "why diddnt you go outside and make friends?"

Well, I did that. I went to the mall everyday and that pretty much was the only place to go in my area. Most of my friends were males and I had no female friends. My male friends were cool, but like, I dont think they were girl-crazy like me or something. They were the type of friends who were kind of layed back and took things as they came, so we never went out to meet girls or anything like that.

But at that point, I dont even think it would matter if I did meet a girl within that era. My mind was too stuck on that dream girl, so it kind of swayed me away from that idea a little.

My father passed away when I was 13, and me and my mother flew back to the states. 2 more years went by, and I asked my mom if she could put me in Public School. She asked me why I wanted to go back to Public School, I told her because I was lonely and wanted friends. I was 14 & 15 during this era.

She said she diddnt want to put me in Public School because of violence and other stuff happening in the school. I took a big sigh and said to myself "I guess i'll do homeschooling till im freaken 18."

I turned 15 and there was a school shooting at one of the schools I was supposed to go to. Lots of people got killed, and the kid went to prison. You guys probably remember that shooting in California a few years back. My Mom felt glad that she kept me in homeschooling because of this.

I continued homeschooling at 15 and we moved to a different location when I turned 16. The "dream girl" thing kind of wore off aboout a year ago because I figured that I needed to keep my mind positive and the girl of my dreams would eventually come to me later on down the road.

At this new place at 16, I met three female friends who were close friends to me. They were really nice to me and they liked me alot. At this new place, and made like a whole bunch of friends.

One of my friends came over and he asked me if I thought any of my female friends were attractive. I was like "not really". I diddnt seem to find my female friends attractive due to different reasons. One of the girls was chubby, the other had black hair, and the other was african american.

I know that sounds shallow, but I couldnt help it. The only girl I was actually attracted to was Claire (girl with black hair), and KT (chubby girl) was OK. I mean, she wasent ugly, she was more like a girl I wouldnt be so sure of to get in a relationship with.

What actually happend is that I lost interest in the girls. Instead of approaching them, time drifted by and a whole entire year passed and I made no progress to talk to them, or approach them. I lost interest in them because I figured that they diddnt match up to the girl of my dreams, so I might of been heartbroken if I hooked up with one of them, knowing that they werent probably the girls I was actually looking for. So yeah, I lost interest in them.

One day, KT got on instant messenger and she asked me to go out with her to the movies. I said "ok", but her Grandfather found out and stopped her from going. Someone told me that KT was on some sort of probation, and she was sent to California to live with her Grandfather. I diddnt know all the details, but she couldnt go with me because her parents were being over-protective. She must have gotten in trouble or something in the past.

Anyways, me and my Mother moved to Arizona and I turned 18 during this time. I started working a job at a huge store, and I made alot of male and female friends.

There was alot of girls at this store who liked me. There was like over 5 girls who were trying to get hooked up with me. They never approached me, they just left hints and stuff, and they were telling their friends.

What happend is that during this point, I diddnt make a move on any of the girls that liked me. Here are the reasons why:

1. Low self esteem.

My low self esteem kicked in during this point. Pretty much my mind was telling me that I was a total loser and I lost years of communication with people and there would be no chance in hell of me getting with any of the girls.

2. Fear of rejection.

I was afraid I would be rejected by the girls. I figured that the likeness thing was just something that "all girls did."

3. Mind games

During this time, I felt like my mind was actually playing tricks on me. In other words, I started to believe that the hint messages the girls left me werent hints at all, and I believed that it was just "all in my head." Like they werent even hinting, I was just imagining things.

4. No car

My Mom wouldnt let me drive in Arizona because the there was traffic accidents every day there. So I figured it would suck trying to take a girl out hitching a ride on the bus.

5. The "dream girl" thing

The "dream girl" thing came back to me during this era.

6. Everything else, etc.

Pretty much other ideas popped in my head saying I couldnt get a girlfriend, the list goes on.

What happend is that I actually screwed up. What I should have done was went ahead and just aimed my bow and shot an arrow at the target. But being too scared, I couldnt even aim my bow, causing me to lose every single round.

My self esteem was so bad, I diddnt even have the balls to ask out an unattractive girl that liked me.

2 more years passed and I turned 19, going onto 20 years old. I attended college, made some friends. Problem was, every female friend I had I wasent attracted to. They were all overweight.

I moved to Wisconsin, and turned 21.

THE END (Up to this point in time.)

What my problem is, I dont even know which road to take in my life. I still have this dream woman stuck in my head, and I promised myself that I would find a girl exactly like her, or almost, or find the actual girl.

Another problem, people have told me there is NO woman in the world that would match up to my Dream Woman. They say that all my points on her are like 100% perfect on everything and are too much of a high standard. I told people that if I did not find this woman, I would never be a happy man. They say I am wrong because they say I am too blind to see the truth because I havent got my feet wet yet.

As for my Dream Woman, my Dream Woman was supposed to be a girl I would be attracted to, and was very romantic. She would like to take walks with me on the beach, go star-gazing, and would wrap arms around me, tell me she loved me, and kissed me.

I wanted the girl to be a little shorter than me, and have white skin. As far as hair color, I perferred blonde or brown. Aside of all this, there is a bunch of other stuff, but I dont feel I need to list them all.

My male friends thought I was shallow and they looked down on me. They said I was never going to get a girl because I was too narrow minded and said I wouldnt settle for any woman unless she was 100% perfect. I dont think I am shallow, I just want to be happy. I feel that if I cant have a woman like this, I will never truely fall in love and be happy. The relationship would be just neutural, and I would screw myself over. In other words, I would kick myself in the butt if I hooked up with a girl I wouldnt feel that she was the one for me, and I would miss my chance on finding her because I'd had allready hooked up with someone else.


But now being 21, and still with no girlfriend, I feel like I am standing at a dirt road with split paths.

I am at the point in life where I feel like a total loser and my entire life was flushed down the drain and wasted. I mean, I almost feel like It's pointless for me to get a girl.

Like for example, I feel like I am the captain of my ship and my ship took alot of hits and is about to sink. My Home Base wants to send out a Rescue Chopper, but I feel like wanting to drown on the sinking ship because I feel that my entire life was wasted building the ship, and even if I was rescued, I wouldnt be happy. So i'd rather drown on the sinking ship.

I'm at the point in life where I feel that I will never be happy with any girl, regardless of who she is. I feel that the only woman I would be happy with is my Dream Woman, which is 1 out of 6 billion people on Earth. The girl probably doesnt even exist.

So whats going to happen? I'm going to end up growing old not having anyone at all if this continues. I'm not sure what to do because I feel trapped in some sort of loophole and I dont see an exit.

I dont know what I should do. I dont know if I should just drown on this sinking ship and raise the white flag, or just take what I can and be at least a little happy. It's like a lose-lose situation which ever path I choose.

I've been alone for so many years, this heartbreak just continues to grow and grow. I dont think I can handle it anymore because it's to the point where I am starting to cry sometimes now. I do feel that if I dont do something, I am going to be wrecked like this for the rest of my life.

I mean, it's getting out of hand. I'm actually starting to do emo-related stuff. I've been going into dark places by myself, sitting on benches and crying, watching the city lights.

I type letters on my computer, talking about my feelings. I listen to sad songs, play video games with sad stories, etc.


If you guys can please give me some advice, I would really appreciate it. Is there anyway I can find my Dream Woman? What should I do?

Thanks alot.

NOT A FUCK I AM READING ALL THAT SHIT. GET A LIFE MORON

That's what happens when you merge fantasy with reality. Keep your girlfriend in your fantasy world, and you'll be fine. Trying to make real women live up to the standards of some girl you've perfected in your mind just isn't fair, and I think you're being selfish by having such high expectations. Let's say you do meet your dream girl some day. Will you be her dream man, and live up to ALL of her expectations? Let's say she's made up her dream man up in her mind, and that's not you. What would you do then? As far as I see it, you have two choices. Keep your fantasy woman in your fantasies, which is completely fine. Or drop her and the expectations of some perfect girl that doesn't exist, and move on. Personally, if I were in the same situation as you, I'd keep the perfect fantasy girl and avoid disappointment, but it's your choice. Choose wisely.

nobody is perfect.good luck. you'll need it.

I'm not reading all that.

Picky, picky . . . no one is perfect!

Have you ever even had a date??

Get away from your mother, lower your standards and relax ffs

Holy shit! That has got to be the longest story ever. Anyway I think that you need to lose the physical aspects and go with what you want out of this girl's personality, that will make you happier and make it easier to find your dream girl. And go meet girls, they may not be what you're looking for, but they probably have friends, and a good way to meet girls is to meet other girls and hang out with them. Then they introduce you to their friends and you're in business.

God, I think I kow how you feel. I was homeschooled, for the exct same reasons as you were, for 5 years. I asmost went mad-so few friends, so little conatact, I felt different, left out. At any rate, believe me, I know exactly how you feel. Funny, I used to sit and dream for hours on end about what I'd like my "dream guy", my prince, my hero to be like (I'm an 18-year-old girl), and it was pure torture to think about it, dream about it all the time, and yet not even have a chance to live my fantasies. Just like you, I created this image in my head of what he's look like, what his character woul be like, etc... 2 years ago, my dad, who's of polish descent, decided that the morality is better in poland, and therefore we moved. That seemed to be the worst thing that could have happened to me-i moved from san Antonio, Texas, to Boles%u0142awiec, Poland. The first year was a total night mare-I didn't know anyone, I couldn't speak the language. But I did go to a public high school. Suddenly, i had a lot of friends. and then,just a few months ago,I went to my best girlfriend's b-day party and met her cousin. He was such a goof, at first I brushed him off. He was to silly, he didn't have black hair or deep brown eyes (he's blonde and blue-eyed), and yet...he attracetd me. Very much. we both noticed that something was up. we started meeting up on the weekends, and then, all of a sudden, I realized that I loved him. Though he wasn't the guy i'd always imagined. We've been together for the last 2 months, and I've never been happier in my life. Maybe the same goes for you. Your dream girl is out there smewhere for sure, though she might not look just as you've pictured her all these years. Be open to everyone, even to the ones that aren't blondes or brunettes. Remember, the dream you're looking for isn't the look, it's the person, the character, the soul. I know from experience. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, good luck. Hang in there, usually people who wait a little longer and don't settle for just anything or anyone, get what they really want in the end.XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Angel, we have alot in common.

Drop me an e-mail at joshcube2@hotmail.com.

I am glad you found your ideal soulmate, I believe it's my turn now. If I was attracted to a girl, I think that would be proof enough there that she is my ideal dream girl.

I'm not going to just pick any girl. I am only going to pick a girl that I am really attracted to.

However, this wont be easy. I'm only attracted to women who are very pretty. I dont really want to settle for anyone mediocre because I wont be as happy.

I mean, the next girl I hook up with, I have to be really attracted to her. If not, then I am just wasting my time.

The thing is Angel, I am almost 22 years old and I am not getting younger. I am afraid that if I dont find someone soon, I'm just going to grow old and my time will be up. If my prayers are answered, someone will eventually show up sooner or later. Hopefully, it will be someone I am looking foward too.

The girl doesnt have to be a super model. I just want her to be pretty and I do not think that is a high standard. I mean, all I want is for me to be attracted to her.

Thanks for your reply Angel. You are one of the nicest girls who has ever replied to me like that on the internet. You boyfriend is a very very lucky man.

I just hope some day that I find her. I dont want to be alone forever.......

Thanks again Angelstasia, and good luck to you too.

- Josh

sounds to me that all your life you wanted to get rescued, like you want this woman to come along and take your all your misseries away ... I feel sad for you, because i know how you feel, and no, there is no way out, there is no perfect match, the only thing you can do is to bite your teeth together and try to make it work. thats what I do. I also feel like I am missing something because I feel like there is only one half of me, and it feels like I cant be totally happy unless I have found my other half. I was in a relation ship for some years and I knew that he wasnt THE other half, but I made it fit, like when you want to finish your puzzle but cant find the match and try to fit the piece in that you have. it even seemed to work for some time and then back fired, for both of us. I thiink you are wise to wait, but at the same time I think you are missing out of so much more. plus looks can deceive you easyly, I used to be very pretty and thin, now 5 years, a divorce and a baby later I look heavier, but I am still that girl inside that I used to be. it is hard to find a girl that looks beautifull inside out, I know only a few. but I know a lot that look great on the outside and are horrid persons, and the other way around. well, enough of me mumbling around... good luck josh, ur not the only one that is alone out there.

hi

Maby you had nothing but fantasy. Yet now find out what's real. I'm glad you didn't get hurt at that school. You'll find a love give time. Don't expect a fantasy girl. Yet who knows it could be that you'll get someone close to what your ideal woman is. God Bless You and Peace Out.

Seems to me you sound an awful lot like a Leo.I have a coworker who is the same way...hes 19 and never had a girlfriend. but its not because hes not attractive...its because he is waiting for the perfect girl and refuses to settle for anything less than perfect...but yeah this trait is common among Leos...

I'm actually a Gemini.

As far as this fantasy woman, maybe this happend because I was homeschooled all my life?

I dont know, it just feels as if I will never be happy unless my fantasy woman comes to me. It's like I wont be happy with a normal person.

josh cube needs to make his posts much shorter.

are u sure that you're not gay and using the dream women thing as an excuse not to be w/ women

i am in nearly the same-boat as you, sept i wasn't home-schooled, but i went to 2 all boy's school's. i had 7-8 friends, and didn't know any girl's till i was 14 and even then i was friends with them but wasn't interested in going out with any of them (partly cause none of them were that good-looking).

i never had that dream-women thing, but i'm like want someone i could have a good time with, and like for who they are not what they look like (but preferably fairly good looking!). like i'm 16 now, and all my friends have had 5-10 girlfriends at least. but then a few weeks ago i was doing Commuinity-Care(aka compulsary charity work), which my school organised 4 me and there where 3 girls there from another school, and during our lunch-break i was talking to one of them, just having a friendly-chat you know! like although i've never had a relationship b4, i think i'm in love with this girl, like i've never felt this way about anyone before!! so anyway some of the other guys from my school who were working with me where talking to her friends (the 2 other girls) and from the feedback i heard, she liked me to!!!!

i have low self-esteem, i am also really shy and i have a fear of rejection, so i kept putting off asking her out, and then suddenly the week of work was finished, and i missed my chance to ask her out!! it's been like 7week's now and i haven't thought about anyone but her in that time!! so now i think i may have lost my dream-girl and i'm really upset!!

dude, i'm now gonna attempt to give you some advice now, KK! don't look for a specific girl, just start talking to more girls, and get to know them, eventually you'll find the girl you're seeking, she may not look like your perfect girl, but you'll find someone you like!!!!

Good luck, Dude!!!! i hope you find her!

You say your Dream Woman is romantic.
She would like to take walks with you on the beach, go star-gazing, and would wrap arms around me, tell me she loved me, and kissed me.

Well thats alot of girls, as most of them love that kind of thing. What i'd say to you is find a girl with the personality you like and one you share common interests with and if they dont look as "perfect" as your Dream Woman thats ok because when you fall in love with the personality you DO fall in love with the way they look. Its not all based on looks as you could be with your "Dream Woman" and there WILL be things you dont like or things in her inner self that could get to you.

Every woman is the way she is because she is made for someone.That includes one is made for you, just just need to open your eyes and not just be looking fo a certain thing/person or youll be looking your whole life and be miserable.

So like i said just let yourself fall in love with that girls personality and get to know her and if you have things in common and fall in love with those parts of her you'll fall in love with her looks too and you'll think She is the MOST attractive person on the planet!
So dont just ignore my advise as its reality and useful.

DON'T JUST LOOK ON THE SURFACE THE INSDIE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL :D

Hope i've helped.

And Good Luck.

See a therapist dude. I think that all the home schooling and over protectiveness by your parents are probably accountable for most of these problems. Do not turn emo, then you will have very limited dating choices. As far as the love thing, just try dating people on a more casual basis, that way you can break up with them if your dream woman actually does come along, you will become more socially adept, and who knows? you may actually find the true love you havebeen looking for. One thing though, do not appear to be as needy as you seem to be in reality, it will be a major turnoff for ALL women.
And at 22 you are still young, so you definitely should not feel that time is running out at all. Really, if you find a decent therapist, they could most likely really help you.