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is this erectile dysfunction? will it go away?
Hello everyone,
sorry this is such a long post,
I am really worried. I have always had a really high sex drive, I also played around alot when I was younger and masturbated very regularly. I stopped playing around after a health scare but continued to masturbate like I assume all guys do.
I am now thirty and have met the girl I am going to marry,however,occasionally, when we try to have sex, if I can even get a stiffy I lose it really quick. Its not like this hasnt happened before but it always just seemed to work itself out. Now it seems to plant stealth bombs in my mind and if we are "getting it on" I am thinking more about "is it getting hard" tahn how sexy my girl is. This has really made me worry and is taking over my life. It has even made me doubt if I get turned on at all, my love for my girl and even my sexuality (all because I am reading the things on the net.....)
the result is I only seem to get semi hard never the full strength hard on.
The irony of all this is that we do have sex, and my girl tells me it is good and she is more than satisfied and it is me who is making the problem worse.
Even when masturbating I find that I dont have to be really hard to cum, am worried that after so many years of doing it I basically learned what makes me cum and have just done that for a while. Even watching porn has changed I dont so much watch as worry about why it isnt getting hard.
does anyone out there have any experience of anything like this? I was always so happy with my "sexual abilities" now i have met the perfect girl this has happened and is going to make me ruin it. will it get better?
I know there is viagra etc but i dont want that, but I want to know if this is a problem that needs help (ie. should i see a doctor) or as my girl says this is a head problem and just ride it out. Any ideas would be appreciated.
sorry this is such a long post,
I am really worried. I have always had a really high sex drive, I also played around alot when I was younger and masturbated very regularly. I stopped playing around after a health scare but continued to masturbate like I assume all guys do.
I am now thirty and have met the girl I am going to marry,however,occasionally, when we try to have sex, if I can even get a stiffy I lose it really quick. Its not like this hasnt happened before but it always just seemed to work itself out. Now it seems to plant stealth bombs in my mind and if we are "getting it on" I am thinking more about "is it getting hard" tahn how sexy my girl is. This has really made me worry and is taking over my life. It has even made me doubt if I get turned on at all, my love for my girl and even my sexuality (all because I am reading the things on the net.....)
the result is I only seem to get semi hard never the full strength hard on.
The irony of all this is that we do have sex, and my girl tells me it is good and she is more than satisfied and it is me who is making the problem worse.
Even when masturbating I find that I dont have to be really hard to cum, am worried that after so many years of doing it I basically learned what makes me cum and have just done that for a while. Even watching porn has changed I dont so much watch as worry about why it isnt getting hard.
does anyone out there have any experience of anything like this? I was always so happy with my "sexual abilities" now i have met the perfect girl this has happened and is going to make me ruin it. will it get better?
I know there is viagra etc but i dont want that, but I want to know if this is a problem that needs help (ie. should i see a doctor) or as my girl says this is a head problem and just ride it out. Any ideas would be appreciated.
Do you think it's normal?
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So the first tidbit of advice is to vary things: role play, go out of your way to be romantic, pick up a kamasutra/tantra book, do some wild, crazy kinky shit you haven't even seen on film. Sex doesn't have to be the same old in and out.
The second tidbit is this: relax. You're not going to enjoy sex if 95% of all thoughts are focused on your "status." Give her some nice foreplay, make sure she's happy, then let her try to do the same for you. Calm down, and focus on the enjoyment of the moment.
Just to let you know, I am about 30 pounds overweight. but I have regular medicals because of my job (the last one was 5 days ago) my blood pressure and everything is not only normal but surprisingly good (considering I am carrying 30 pounds too much)
Although my diet could be better I dont smoke or drink too much and am a competitve powerlifter and keen cyclist (150 to 200 miles a week)I am not on medication either.
One thing you said has struck a chord though. during Sex and sexual activity of any kind my only thoughts are if my penis, is getting hard, or if it is up will it stay hard.....
this is what sex has become at the moment. i know its not a libido thing because I still want it all the time....latley all things sex related (even porn)seem to have become a self test to see if my penis is still working. which i now think is the real problem.
thanks for your time your comment and miscreant's post talking about relaxing having been a help. I just hope I can get round this problem.
Sisophous may have just hit the nail on the head (no pun intended). You see, avid cyclists very often have erectile problems, particularly ones who do a lot of cycling. The reason for this is the pressure put on the artery from sitting for extended periods of time while cycling. The pressure between the body and seat restricts flow through the artery and prevents free flow of blood to the penis. It is very possible, your cycling is a direct result of your problems performing and your arousal difficulties.
I too used to cycle a lot but after reading an article on this topic, I cut back a lot on how long I cycle. I also got a soft, gel seat which helps. Remove your hard seat from you bicycle and cut back on the miles you do.
I have the article saved somewhere, if I find it would be happy to make a copy and send to you, or scan and send to you via email. Give me a few hours to look for it.
http://www.seniorjournal.com/NEWS/Sex/5-08-23Bicycles-ED.htm
Thanks for the advice my friend. I have read the article but I must add that I have been using one of the anatomically designed saddles created to prevent ED for a while...ive worried about this before. Ive been cycling for many years.
I will cut back on the cycling though to see if it brings things back to normal. But i do now believe that its the constant focus on its performance that is causing the problem.
If I could find a way to get aroused without thinking about if its working or not that would be a start. That in itself seems to be a problem
Since I first posted the message I have found that I cant do/think about anything sexual without instinctivley thinking about or checking on the "status".
I don't cycle these days and have to admit my sex drive is far higher right now than it was in my days when I did cycle a lot, and that was 10 years ago!!! Cycling may be a factor, best to drop it for awhile, see if that helps. I run several times a week, you may want to jog instead, find something to compensate once dropping the cycling.
I also found that seafood has a big effect on my arousal level, particularly shrimp but it seems to be most seafood has the same result. Red meats, starches such as heavy pasta, breads, and potatoes do the reverse to me, slow me down. Try eating light meals that are made up of mostly seafood for a couple days and see if it has an effect on you. Diet plays a big role on how we feel and our responses to daily activities, it may really change you.
If you don't see any positive results after giving these things a try, by all means, see a doctor. I've found you have to go to ones who specialize in areas of concern. General practitioners for the most part are not of much help, but may be able to give you a good referral. I wouldn't take any medication until trying out all other non-medication attempts. As I mentioned, doctors like to throw pills at problems and often only make the person dependent in the long term and are not of much help.
Best to you.
Thank you for your time and patience mate.
Funny as it may sound i think this forum has done more to help me than anything else. I feel more relaxed already.
all the best and thanks again
I have had the same problem at times. I am not sure if it is related to my cycling at all.
It sounds like you have an understanding partner. My advice is to just relax and have a good time even if your not hard at the moment.
But sense you are concerned and looking for help, go to the source. See a good specialist.
First of all, try to get rid of the recurring thought of sex, keep yourself busy for a week or a little more with healthy things like meditation, long walks alone in parks, an afternoon by the sea, go jogging, play sports, go out with a friend, shop till you drop, or buy something unnecessary for your house or bedroom... if you don't see your girl in this period it's even better, and most of all:
This is your week, don't let anyone spoil it.
It happened to me and it worked fine, I'm 21 and I don't have erectile dysfuction problems, I was just stressed.
let us all know.
I had the same problem cos I was masturbating alot...another story.
Leave it alone for 2 weeks and it will be back to norma. if you do want to cum, dont touch it but try lying naked in bed or on a carpet, and rub it against the bed or carpet. It will get more sensitive and the problem should go away........
At the end of the day the all understanding girlfriend who I thought was so perfect, finished with me over something I still dont really understand and is an amazingly childish reason.
it has been a bizarre, few months. I thought she was the one, but looking back now I can see she wasnt right for me, the whole dysfunction thing I think was my body knowing that and reacting.
Thanks to all of you who commented, it really did help.
I have to compliment you on your knowledge base. I am educated in the health care field and I was wandering if you were also in this field.
My education is limited and my experience in this field is not completely developed. My husband has this same problem and it is causing problems in my marriage. I have been reading about this topic and I think his problem is attributed to some underlying health problem. For example: Blood pressure, diabetes are possible factors. BP is already an issue and he is at risk for Diabetes....not to mention the stress he is under. Til we can find the problem, I don't know what to do. We are having problems connecting on another level and our marriage is suffering from this factor.