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Phantom dumper
I habitually fouled my neighbours driveway. There has been animosity between our family and the one next door virtually from the outset. The petty bickering continued to and fro for years.

As the middle child I took it upon myself to wreak some retribution on our neighbours and I chose shit as my weapon. About once a quarter I would sneak over the hedge separating the properties and take a dump in their driveway, under cover of darkness.
I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in it's usual porcelin surroundings. In the next day or so, the family would emerge from their house, wrinkle their noses and spy the big pile of shit. John (the man of the house) usually took it upon himself to cover it up, as you would a corpse, presumably to stop it scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo.

Me and dad thought it was absolutely hilarious and the topic was often mulled at family meal time conversations although I never let on that I was the culprit, despite some pointed accusations. In actual fact you guys are the first people I have ever told, a good 15 years on from the original deed (I did it for about a year).

Well, at least I didn't go round and pop a cap in his ass like you crazy yanks, we are much more civilised in the UK.
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Comments (28)
Anonymous
2005-06-17 09:08:42
That's Great...
Best story I've heard all day...

A buddy of mine did that at a rival fraternity house at school. There was one problem though...not everyone was asleep in the house. A few people witnessed the act going on and chased him off their porch with his pants around his ankles...
Reply
METHOSjr. (83)
2005-06-17 10:22:49
PooP
No finer weapon than Human Fecies. I put my PooPoo in the deodorizors at restaurants whom give bad service.
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j.r.scagmonkey (379)
2005-06-21 06:40:36
You Sir
are a true man
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Anonymous
2005-08-24 08:27:33
Hilarious
I was once so pissed off with a flatmate that I stuck her toothbrush up my arse.

I've never told anyone about that either.
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Anonymous
2005-08-24 15:11:29
i have alot of respect for you
Reply
Anonymous
2006-05-06 23:31:12
@: amy
ROFL
This is why the world would be so much better without Britain.
Reply
roberto.cr (2762)
2006-07-24 00:19:28
omgwtfbbq
hauhauhauahuahuhauhauhauha
this is the best story ever!
I just laughed for a minute here, man! lmao
congratz for the great time, keep up the good work! lol xD
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Sweetie07 (3192)
2006-08-13 10:56:19
Excellent story...impeccable use of words...I give this one 5 stars.
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Crazydiamond (3320)
2006-08-20 12:36:13
What a fantastic idea! The number of neighbours I could've done that to when I was a kid.
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turtletower (3352)
2006-08-23 00:10:39
totally normal
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Rage&Hate (3429)
2006-08-27 23:56:44
http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=3782&p=4

Congradulations, you are the laughing stock of the internet. Not in a bad way of course, we are laughing with you :)
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Freedomofspeech (3655)
2006-09-20 13:13:03
I find it difficult to believe that taking a dump in the driveway next door is considered civilized behavior, even in the UK.
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DirkDiggler (3997)
2006-10-11 17:36:55
^x2. I must not have received my copy of the revised pamphlet on proper etiquette of the civilized world. Bummer.

Next time aim for a grassy area, that way a large burrowing animal might have a better chance at stealth ninja-ing its way up your ass. After the initial shock wears off you could clench your asscheeks long enough to keep it lodged in there while you hobble back home, take photographic evidence, and tell us all about it so that we can laugh at you again, you fuckwit. :D
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Fantainfinite (4355)
2006-11-17 12:48:49
To take a dump in a prick's driveway. Wow I can think of a few dozen people I'd like to do that to. Although if you had done it right outside their door then they might have stepped in it. Awesome.
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smithee (4389)
2006-11-21 12:36:13
wow.....
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happylandfill (5012)
2007-01-02 16:20:40
Lol,that's halarious! In the UK aswell? That's made my day.
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elephantitis (6802)
2007-03-26 17:21:25
I might just have to do that.
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ballsinyourmouth=] (7742)
2007-04-18 22:44:10
hahahah i would love to shit on my neighbors driveway
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Hairy-stick-nipples (7861)
2007-04-22 11:06:03
@: ballsinyourmouth=]
I'd love to shit on your chest
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spamjavelin (7659)
2007-04-28 22:13:56
me, myself and irene. Take the newspaper with you next time you sh1t in the neighbours garden.
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spamjavelin (7659)
2007-04-28 22:16:35
This is true... my old friend had a sh1t on a newspaper and put it on an old lady's front doorstep..then he got out the matches and set the paper on fire. He knocked on the door and hid...we all watched as she opened the door and stamped the little fire out...then she had a shoe full of poo..she went back insode only to return 10 seconds later with her sh1tty shoe and threw it in the front garden...you should try it.. guaranteed to spoil their day.
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Emerdoodle (4970)
2007-05-11 17:35:50
Civilzed you call shitting in someone's driveway for a year civilzed!!!
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NEARPERFECT (8480)
2007-05-22 15:31:51
@: Hairy-stick-nipples
I'd love to shit on your face.
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Dragonite (3438)
2007-05-25 15:18:00
"........ we are much more civilised in the UK. "



awwwww, sir, I'm a bit offended =) Funny story
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Gloomtail (8527)
2007-06-05 21:45:33
LMAO, LOL, that's hilarious. I did that to my rival's house, and it scared, ironically enough, the living shit out of him. My friend took a picture of that, and the look on his face was priceless. :) It's the perfect way to get revenge...
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yisosoo (9179)
2007-07-04 07:55:16
Funny? yes, normal? no.

Thanks for the laugh though :D
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The_Considering_Help (11861)
2007-11-22 17:10:10
...
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2007-12-22 12:18:48
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