(pls read) MY LIFE NIGHTMARE and im 20

dEAR ALL,
im 20 and i just 4 months ago i moved to holland.i fear my mom till now.
i didnt wanna come here in e first place.But bcause i respected my mom,i followed her.e reason we came here is because dat she found a bf here.i was living my life as normal back home in my country,working and enjoying e best of life.but everything change wen i came here.
i have a bf from my country and can u imagine dat i sacrifice my love just for my mom.im still with my bf now and we r having a long distance relationship.We love and trust each other a lot and are now 3 years together.

i could go on a very long story but ill summarise my problem.

-i have to live everyone my firnds my beloved cousins,my bfs just cause of my mom..i wonder if she love me,she should let me choose my own path right..

-my mom used to love my bf back home.but since we came here,she critise him.and dat hurts me lots.Sometimes she will critise my bf infront of me .wen my bf never even do anything wrong!!

-i have to b honest e reason she hate my bf is dat she is worried dat because of my bf i will live her and return to my land.

-i nearly got married back at home but i delay so that i could just make my mom happy to come and live with her.

-i donnoe how to describe this but i hate it e way that mym mom gets mad so suddenly.we will fight at least once a week.i used to talk back to her and one time i was just so tired of fighting i let her speak watever she wants.

-wen we fight shell nvr fail to critise me like -b**ch,motherf**ker,get out from e house,inconsiderate..

-hey im already 20 and still living under her..once i told her dat i wanna go home for holiday in e summer but she says no.and start cursing me dat im not thankful and doesnt inconsiderate..my bf is very sad he wanted to pay e flight ticket but she dont let him to.
can u imagine how hurt i am that i cant even go bck my country for holiday?

-wen she was back home,she always use the fon to call her bf here in netherlands.but wen i am here,she doesnt let me use e fon..sometimes i must go to the shop to call my bf..or sneak to use e fon.but no matter wat i will try my best to kip our relationship together.

-i have plan my life to live here till i have finish university and then to return home..
but now it hurts to wait for that time to come..i cant wait to go home..every night i pray dat my mom would b more understanding and stop critising me...

- once i have even tried to run from here and book a flight but i pity her n i noe its gonna hurt her and so i didnt do it.

but for now,im i will not b talking to much..i don wanna get into a fight by saying e wrong things like i wanna go bck home..

i wish i can explain e eway how it feels..maybe u guys think dat dis is not even a problem..but for me it is..it is a problem if u feel depression and cries every night..

i noe my mom love me..but im like a bird being loved..but kept in a cage..

Do you think it's normal?

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