My brother has turned into an a**hole
I'm a student and have been living away from home for a few years. However, when I do go home all I can see is how much of an a**hole my brother is becoming (he's 17). He borrows my car while I'm at school and I've come back to find it wrecked and heard that he was driving it like an a**hole from random strangers. (He claims it was a hit and run). He picked a fight with some kid who owed him $30 and got his ass beaten. Not only that, but he's failing 4 subjects at school. He was never the best student but this is by far the worst it has ever been. He recently lost a lot of weight and has got his first girlfriend and he's definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd at school. He doesn't listen to anyone (my mom, my dad, me, etc) and everytime you say something to him he gets really defensive. He's totally irresponsible and everyone has to bail him out by giving him money constantly. He manipulates my divorced parents all the time and constantly lies to them. He generally has never been punished (he never used to do anything until these friends came along). My mom works most nights and isn't usually around to supervise. And he doesn't listen anyway. Is this normal behavior? What should I do about it? Do kids usually "grow out of this"? I'm concerned that he's going to get himself in a lot of trouble or ruin his future.
Obviously your brother is self destructive and you can encourage him to seek professional help but you can't force him.
It isn't easy to let go of people who are on a downward spiral but that was never your choice in his outcome. Focus on your own life, your own health, happiness and well being and dismiss any self guilt for not dealing with his problems.
He is nearly an "adult", that carries the privileges to make many choices in life, and of which are out of your control. You can't make those choices for him, you only can suggest he seek professional help. He is not a child so you must let go.
Tell him to get well soon!
IM THE ONE WHO WROTE THIS AND YOU, SIPHOQUEER, ARE GAY.
Scare the living feces out of him.
Tell him you're not too happy with the way he's living his life, and he'd better straighten up or he's gonna wish he had. You're his older brother, no? Take away privilages, lock your car, lock your room, put your valuables in safe secret places, and make damn sure he knows you're the alpha of the house now.
Tell him you'll put him straight in jail if he doesn't quit fucking up.
This path if you choose it, will be hard, it will be very hard, because he'll scream and hollar and all that "I hate you" shit, but when he's 30, he'll be thanking you.
It's hard to get physical, it's hard to be Mr. Prick to your brother, but if it would save his life, I'd do it, in a heartbeat.
But I have a few questions why don't you lock your car? Why don't you inform a parent of what is going on.
I understand that you have divorced parents and I offer you my sympathy as I know the pain that can cause but have you asked him or thought of why he may be acting this way? Maybe it's drugs or maybe it's the parents. Whatever the case this boy needs help.
You are the sibling right? Well let your parents handle it.
If they were good parents then they would take the time out of their life to see that their son is changing quite dramatically and try to seek him help. Sounds like a little family intervention would help out here.