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Is It Normal?
What do you think?
Would like feedback from stepfathers.....
Hi,
My boyfriend has a 22 year old stepdaughter. I always had the feeling that theirs was not a typical father/daughter relationship.

When he massages or touches her, it looks to me like a very sensual thing going on. There had been times when I felt uncomfortable and like I shouldn't have been there.

Anyway, to cut a long story short...my bf finally admitted to me that he has sexual feelings for his daughter and he fantasises about her.

I am not sure how to handle this....My questions are, is this a common thing for stepfathers to feel this way towards their stepdaughters? Also, does this mean that my boyfriend has or will ever have a sexual relationship with this girl?

P.S. Before I knew about how he really felt about his stepdaughter, he and I would role-play and I discovered it turns him on when I call him daddy...he tells me I'm his special baby girl and he always cums really hard. I'm beginning to think it's not me he's thinking about when we role play, now that I know his fantasy is for real.

Please, only sincere answers because I really don't know how to deal with this and it's causing me problems.

Thank you for your time in reading this.
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Comments (20)
cabinet70 (4440)
2007-03-15 18:54:55
A lot of stepfathers might do this but Im sure he isnt doing anything with her or he wouldntbe with you. Its probably something that will pass.
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gwinn (6633)
2007-03-15 20:53:06
I'm a stepfather - dump this guy. He has issues and they won't magically disappear.
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pooponyou (6485)
2007-03-16 09:41:54
He sounds like a sick freak to me. He gets "turned on" by you calling him Daddy? What if you ever had a baby girl together? That brings forth way too many scary issues that I highly doubt you want to face. Also, if it gets him off the hardest when you call him "Daddy" he's clearly NOT thinking of you, which means that he's with you for a different reason. My mom works with the FBI catches online pedafiles and this dude meets the description. I'd dump him before you get yourself into a situation that you have a harder time getting out of ie...pregnancy.

Obviously if these things they do together make you feel uneasy and his stepdaughter doesn't seem to mind it, she obviously must feel the same way that he does, or it would make her uncomfortable as well and she wouldn't allow it. It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out, he's probably bangin' her behind your back and you don't even realize it. Leave him before you get hurt any worse than you have. Find a normal/decent guy to be with who is attracted to only YOU and is in LOVE with YOU. This guy is clearly not in love with you and it seems like a dull and empty relationship to me.
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Moi (588)
2007-03-16 14:59:02
I'm confused ... Your boyfriend has a stepdaughter? He's married? If so you shouldn't even be seeing this leech.

Another question, how old are you?
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WordsofWisdom (6679)
2007-03-17 12:56:46
More importantly, how old is the stepdaughter? Is this like she's 16 and he's 22 or is this a "little" girl? More important than whether or not you should leave this freak is whether or not you'd feel okay leaving this little girl with him. If he fantasizes about her, then there's a good chance that eventually he won't be able to control his urges anymore. In other words, your presence may be the only thing that prevents her from getting abused. I think you should talk to him again and record the conversation, then send it over to CPS so this girl gets to live in a safe household.
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kristina_696969 (6736)
2007-03-19 13:45:53
SEEMS LIKE WHEN I READ SOME OF THESE COMMENTS THAT THE PEOPLE THAT POST NEVER HAVE READ THE ENTIRE THING....OKAY SO THE STEP DAUGHTER IS 22...THAT'S SETTLED BUT IF HE IS TOUCHING HER IN WHAT YOU THINK IS INAPPROPRIATE THAT MUST MEAN THAT YOU KNOW HER, AND IF IT IS HIS STEP DAUGHTERAS YOU PUT IT THEN HE IS MARRIED.....WALK AWAY GURL HE IS HAVING RELATONSHIPS WITH HER OR IS THINKING OF HER WHEN YOU HAVE SEX! DOES HE LOOK DOWN AT YOU AND HAVE EYEY TO EYE CONTACT DURING SEX BECAUSE IF NOT...HE DEFINITLY IS THINKING OF HER....DUMP HIM!!!!
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Lost69 (6270)
2007-03-20 08:13:52
He's no longer married to his step-daughter's mother...they divorced years ago and he got custody of her.

She is now a 22 year old adult. He lives with me and she has a boyfriend. This admission from him was a fairly recent one and something that I don't know how to come to terms with.
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bthesailor (6827)
2007-03-22 00:17:45
Maybe you would prefer it if he fantasized about middle aged, slightly overwieght sagging "mature" women with deep insecurities who blame thier wasted lives on past psydo-rape delusions.

If she's an attractive and sensual person, perhaps "fantasy" is just "fantasy".

I like to fantasize about being Conan The Barbarian, but there is little chance I'll get a real sword soon.

Give him head every day and he will never stray
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elephantitis (6802)
2007-03-26 00:55:45
Jeez, people are dumb and abusive.

Anyway, as a 22-year-old (same age as your daughter, I read your post in its entirety), I find this a bit creepy. You don't mention how the stepdaughter responds to him. Does she appear to have sexual feelings for him too? Contrary to what others have said, there is absolutely nothing sick ir wrong about fantasy role-playing...as long as it begins and ends in the bedroom and stays fantasy. But if she's aware of his feelings for her, that makes the whole situation stickier. Either she's encouraging it (weird), or she's very creeped out and uncomfortable by her stepdad's attentions. Either way, sounds like something you don't want to mess with.


He's NOT a pedophile, though. Not if he's attracted to adult women.
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Lost69 (6270)
2007-03-26 16:08:48
@: elephantitis
She's not my daughter...he used to be married to her mother but they divorced years ago.

I know he's not a pedophile...he has no interest in children whatsoever.

Fantasies are harmless, that much is true. Since he has confided in me about his stepdaughter, I am very uncomfortable to be around her. My guy is very supportive of my feelings and understands that I am having issues with this.
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kristina_696969 (6736)
2007-03-26 16:23:32
O ne of these days you are going to wak in and he might just be banging the girl...thrn what are you going to do..
Stil think you needto dump him!
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itsnotme2 (7087)
2007-04-01 09:45:02
Stab them. Stab them ALL!
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youwishyouknew (7140)
2007-04-01 23:09:19
If it's fantasy only then it should probably be fine. The step-daughter probably shares the same fantasy.
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laprincessa (7553)
2007-04-17 17:50:07
please DUMP HIM!!!!
this is bd but dont warry he's gotta get help or be DUMPED!!
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ohsoquietme628 (7881)
2007-04-23 04:14:01
whether it's normal or not is a different question entirely, but i'd like to think it's some kind of an elektra complex? not to psychoanalyze it or anything, i've just always thought that was interesting concept.

this whole roleplay thing, it may be him trying to live out something vicariously through you. this may not be healthy.

i think that you should seriously think abut your relationship with him and if you're still worried, spend some time apart from him, just to clear the air and give some time for yourself. if you feel ok with it, you should talk about how this makes you feel, because he may have no idea. you should also encourage him to talk to someone about this, not necessarily "professional help", but this is obviously something bothering him and affecting his personal life, as well as yours and that's not good at all.
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iluvredsnapper (8072)
2007-05-07 16:15:38
Think you are going to learn the hard way that he is REALLy doing her and your just his outlet when she is not around
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Gaara (5917)
2007-07-04 10:32:52
Today's letter is W
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alsoconfused (9661)
2007-07-29 14:37:26
as a "step-dad", (her mom and I aren't married, though been together * years and have 2 of our own together), who is attracted to his own adult "step-daughter", I waswondering if it has helped the overall situation knowing? I haven't told my "wife", or "step-daughter", yet, and don't know if I should.
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Lost69 (6270)
2007-07-30 10:52:31
@: alsoconfused
Actually, I think knowing is alot better and the reason I say that is because, it validated what I already knew...I hate guessing games and so yeah, although I'm not happy about it, at least I know for a fact and I'm not imagining things.

I hope this helps.
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alsoconfused (9661)
2007-08-01 12:22:49
@: Lost69
Well, my "wife" kinda' suspects, what I am really worried about is how her daughter feels. Would she rather not know? Then when you throw in that I am closer in age to her than "wife". . . argh
thank you, I just want everyone to know that not every "step-dad" going through this is a creep, some of us are just strugling with our emotions.
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