Steal a goat and train it to suck you for 7 hours each day for 4 year, you will gain 1" per year. Then take the goat and run without stopping to the nearest Pygmy tribe. Trade the Goat for a wife who is Really small, she will love you for the man you really are.
to the small dick
and the whole sudan thing
jeez....God really shit on you, didn't he?