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So i've been dating this guy for about a year and a half and a lot of awful things have happened during that time. To start our relationship off, i found out he slept with my best friend, who we were living with at the time, and to make it worse it wasn't him who told me, it was my good friend who lived 30 minutes away..PRETTY MUCH. But i forgave because i was/am in love with him and maybe it was karma for some f*cked up sh*t i did to someone else. Anyway- we ended up moving in with my cousin..and things just turned worse. it was a really tense living situation, my boyfriend had dislocated some bones in his hand and, consequently, was too lazy and angry to apply for medical leave or whatever and got fired from his job. We whethered the storm (in a nut shell) and moved into our own apartment about 8 months ago. Recently, like Christmas break recently, I met this girl at work. She actually works for me now (its so awkward in the office), but i cut her hours so i don't have to see her all the time. Basically, we started hooking up and it turned into this secret relationship behind my boyfriends back. I took her to san fran with me one weekend to hang out with some friends and kind of get away from sh*t and she wug out on me...telling me she didnt want to be sloppy seconds..which i understood..It turned into this big mess that has pretty much blown in my face. I told her i loved her, big mistake..i stopped having sex with my boyfriend because i felt so dirty about it..i spent the night at her house a couple times and he didn't know about..basically if he did the sh*t to me id be in hysterics. I feel awful, like a made a huge mistake. I've never been a very faithful person, but i'm not honest with people about it. I told my boyfriend a week ago about my endeavors and now it feels hard to get through the day. What should i do? how do i go about getting my life back to normal? I still think about this woman..she's beautiful with a great personality, and i really feel like she loved me, but there's no way i could just walk away from a 2 year relationship with someone..for a fling..it would never last because it started on such a dishonest foundation. I'm a hot mess!