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Admiring other guys and wondering if that makes me gay
Since I was little there's always been some guy who I would come to have a deep admiration for. As I began to mature and hadn't developed any attraction to girls, I thought I might be gay. Only, I wasn't clear about whether my admiration for another guy included my having feelings of sexual attraction for him. From time to time I did have a sexual experience now and then with a friend but it was only to get off. It wasn't until I went to college though that I actually tried to dating guys and instead of finding myself made more sure about my sexuality, I found myself even more confused. What seemed to become more evident to me as I had these experiences and talked with gay men about being gay was that my feelings of attraction towards other guys was not the same as they had. What I did enjoy doing with these guys was getting off with them, but when it came time to doing anything else, I actually felt my sense of being a guy becoming diminished which is a pretty bad feeling. Right now I feel caught in between a rock and a hard place because I still have no feelings of being sexually attracted to girls or guys. I can find them both to be good looking, but that's about it. When it comes to getting off, I feel more comfortable doing it with another guy since we have the same equipment. When it comes to the idea of becoming sexual with a girl, the same idea I had when I was younger still pervades my thinking.. it has to do with the idea that girls don't have willys and this really provokes some feelings of disgust and fear in me. I don't seem to be able to overcome these feelings I have in relation to them.
So now, I still find myself developing feelings of admiration for other guys. I'd like us to be bosom buds without any of the sexual stuff getting involved. It just never seems to work out since these guys seem like people that wouldn't normally be friends with me. I'm more the intellectual type of person, boyish looking instead of looking more like a man. On another note, the only guys who enjoy getting close and cuddling with another guy are gay and want more from me than I can give them.
I guess at this point it wouldn't hurt to mention the fact that I had been a twin, but had lost my identical brother at birth. I know that I have this longing in me for companionship and often wonder if my twinship has had some role to play in my identity troubles. I just don't have any real proof of it if it indeed has anything to do with this.
I'd really welcome some thoughtful responses
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
So now, I still find myself developing feelings of admiration for other guys. I'd like us to be bosom buds without any of the sexual stuff getting involved. It just never seems to work out since these guys seem like people that wouldn't normally be friends with me. I'm more the intellectual type of person, boyish looking instead of looking more like a man. On another note, the only guys who enjoy getting close and cuddling with another guy are gay and want more from me than I can give them.
I guess at this point it wouldn't hurt to mention the fact that I had been a twin, but had lost my identical brother at birth. I know that I have this longing in me for companionship and often wonder if my twinship has had some role to play in my identity troubles. I just don't have any real proof of it if it indeed has anything to do with this.
I'd really welcome some thoughtful responses
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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You could be gay, and just want different things than most gay guys want. You could just be a rare type. And the identical twin thing could have something to do with it... I would suggest you go talk to a doctor... anyone who is a professional in this feild. You should do some research too
hope you find what you're looking for, and good luck =]
It seems like you have some issues to work out and a qualified expert should be able to help you get to the bottom of this. I would seek out a good sex therapist.
Be careful though, ther
since we live in countries where the types of religions don't leave much options(doesnt really matters if u believe or not) to be picky , we are raised in that manner so gay ppl look unnatural and straight the only rights ones.
So how did u end up so confused?
It has to do with your very early years,something u saw or told (none really remembers those stuff, but they crawl in ur subconscious mind for the rest of ur life) have marked u,and made u like that, 1-5 first years of ur life even if u dont remember they are the most critical years and in those years the rest personality/u is built.
In ur case, the picture is blur since u have that fear which complicates things further.
Some things made u lean towards boys now,u r considered "gay", which is ok, but there might be the possibility that you could like girls more than boys if u overcame the obstacles and tried.
And this is coming from a straight guy.
I wish I knew what sexuality I am, I am open to both, but neither attracts me more.
At this point I am hoping to fall in love with a person, male or female, rather then a sex.