Im concerned my partner who is 50 and divorced with an adult 23yr old daughter is sharing a bed with her while i am away for a week. she came up for the weekend. there is a spare room with a perfectly comfortable double bed in it but she has chosen instead to sleep with her dad in my bed when im away. i dont feel comfortable about this and feel its not appropriate. I only found out today when I asked if he had made up the spare room for her and he said she was sleeping in our bed with him. this man has been my patner for 8 yrs.
i want to call him back with an opipn on this so please tell me yr opinion on wether this is
appropriate? or just plain wrong which is what my instinct tell me. help?
i want to call him back with an opipn on this so please tell me yr opinion on wether this is
appropriate? or just plain wrong which is what my instinct tell me. help?
Yes he did tell you but it wasn't till you asked about the spare room. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. There's probably nothing going on but it's still not normal!!
and anyway you cleary have some kind of double standard moral code or something.
if it's a mother daughter, and the mother is gay, everything is fine. but if it's father daughter, it's extremely odd?
so what if it was a gay father and his 23yr old son? you'd feel very comfortable with this?
interesting.
"A dog that fights is a dog that bites" telling me that everyone elses opinion is wrong raises a red flag.
Also as to the comment about the girl sharing a bed with her mum: I think it's a bit more normal for a girl/woman to share with mum than dad. My mum and I have done that a few years back when the hotel we stayed in had only one bed. It might not be fair but it seems leas icky for mum/ daughter to share than dad/daughter.
Good luck with all of this!
We were at his parents house and I called him on something he did that was very disrespectful of me, he shouted at me in front of them, and then went outside with his 40 year old sister and told her I was crazy because I see things that are not there and that I accused him of having sex with his 23 year old daughter, just because she sleeps with him.
The entire family turned against me, as I never got a chance to defend myself since I never knew he told her this, he told me later in the car and said it served me right for attacking him when I said he was being disrespectful to me. This was on the day of our wedding celebration with his family that I had to organize, as they live far from us, we had married 2 months prior, The next weeks were horrific as I received awful letters from his family saying how could I not see what a saint this man is.
I am really starting to listen to the little voice inside, which is becoming a shout, and I see his manipulations now.
When we met after 6 months, he told me his deep dark secret, That he had shared with no one else not even his ex-wife. When he was 13 he molested a six year old girl, he said he kept it to himself and never had therapy, and only his parents knew. He explained it away as being a terrible mistake, and he was only a child, and says shes fine now.
I'm finding it hard to believe his version in absence of the facts, and recent events, since I feel he tried to hook me in by telling only me about this secret. Should I confront his family with this fact and his previous infaithfullness in his previous marriage, which he also explained away to me as incompatibility. I am cut off from them now anyway. Ive discovered this man has a narcissistic disorder. And Im suffering.
I appreciate your view points. please dont post stupid comments. this is a serious situation.
anyways i am so sorry that your going through this. this is not good. maybe you can try to get this person(guy) involuntarily committed to a psych?
he sounds like my x
eww
However, that doesn't mean that he doesn't WANT to have sex with her. He could have encouraged the daughter to sleep beside him to satisfy whatever perverted thoughts were in his head. Who knows what he could have been thinking/doing to himself as his daughter slept. Yuck... I think it's a good thing that the family knows of your suspicions now because even if they don't believe you, at least they will have it in their heads so they could look out for warning signs.
ESPECIALLY now that you say he has molested a young girl in his past. I realize that he was young and kids do stupid things (especially during the height of their sexual curiosity) But outright molestation? And he didn't get help for it either? I dunno...
Last but not least, the fact that he acted so completely defensive when all you did was bring it up in a calm manner as something that bothered you, is VERY telling. You did nothing wrong here. And as a 21 year old female, I can say that I would definitely never sleep in my father's bed. I think it's possible that she didn't necessarily choose to, but her father kept "suggesting" it and she didn't wanna seem rude or something. You never know.
- Ooh nothing special, I went to Harry and watch a movie with him then I baked some cookies with my daughter..
Uhu okay and then?
- And then we slept together.
...
! NOT NORMAL !
This is very odd and not normal. Have you noticed other strange behaviours between them before this or is this the first time? You have a perfectly comfortable spare bed, but yet he moves his daughter in to share YOUR BED... it sounds like he's up to something. I think you should tell him what you think about this and see how he reacts.... If push comes to shove, you might have to break it off with him.
Good Luck.
i am in the process of divorce. the last year has been hell, but im so glad i discovered this it helped me to see the truth.
i was left with the bills and no maintenance and ill health.
HE will escape again with no consequences.
I tried to report this to the authorities. they told me without his daughter testifying in court against him, which will never happen. nothing can be done.
this is obviously why his exwife shut her mouth so she could claim maintenance.
we live in a very sick world.
I am happy to have my life back.
here's the deal, worrier. nobody knows your guy. all we know here is what you tell us.
- willing to sleep in same bad as adult daughter
- told you the truth when you asked
- says he had an encounter with a younger girl when he was 13.
- his family loves him dearly and sticks up for him
and it sounds like this really took a turn for the worse. that's a shame because i don't think it had to. he is obviously very close to his daughter. that is very natural. every father daughter has a different relationship than the next. if he finds comfort sleeping in the same bed while you were away, what is the REAL problem with that? i am not talking about what society says is the problem. i am talking about the REAL problem. and the answer is.. maybe there isn't one.
if he's at home every night with his daughter while you're away, he's not out with some other woman. or... some other woman is not there with him. in other words, maybe his daughter being there keeps him out of other kinds of trouble.
also, if you had chosen to be comfortable with this, it probably would have improved your relationship with him, and in turn his family. people don't like to feel like they have a judgemental and watchful eye hovering over them. if you become that to a person, you lose them. you become annoying, non-understanding.
as for his story about 13 yo... don't base anything off that. you are talking about someone recalling something from 4 decades ago!! how can you be concerned about anyone based on something they did when they were 13. seriously.
i hate to say it.. but it sounds like your "worry" sprayed fuel onto a tiny little spark and turned it into a raging forest fire. what's ironic about that... is that often times when people have fear about something like this, their actions they chose as a result of their fear perpetuate and even worsen exactly what they feared in the first place.
like this:
your fear: the situation with his daughter could ruin your relationship with him
your action: intervene and stop it, at any cost
the outcome: many relationships ruined, all over the place.
Did anybody win? Unfortunately not.
Maybe there is still time to repair it. Good luck.