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Always want to smoke weed...
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This past year of college, my roommate was a weed dealer. We became good friends and he let me smoke all I wanted for free, so obviously I took advantage of this. By the end of the year I was smoking multiple times a day. I wasn't a slacker or a loser, I had more friends and did better in school that semester than ever before. I feel like weed opened a gateway for me. Not a gateway to other drugs, but a gateway to experiencing life.

I don't smoke to be cool, I don't smoke to fit in. I do it because when I'm high, I think really deeply. I notice everything around me, I notice the small things. I see everything a lot more clearly, and just think about how everything works. I even sometimes think about how the universe began, and our purpose here. It actually inspired me to read a book on quantum physics. Everything falls into place when I'm high.

I have also lived my whole life with pretty bad anxiety, constantly getting fixated on things I had no control over. Since I have been smoking, my anxiety has basically vanished. I have just felt more comfortable with everything, including myself. I really feel happier smoking. But with weed having such a bad rap, I also sometimes feel ashamed for smoking so much. I try to keep it secret because I worry people will look down on me for doing it.

Also, I recently ran out of the weed I brought home for the summer. It has been a week since I have smoked, and I am starting to feel more and more anxious. I get so caught up with things I don't really notice the small things or have any deep thoughts anymore. I just feel bored. I wouldn't say I need weed, like an addiction, but it just makes things more interesting. I don't know if I should seek out more weed or not. I really want to smoke more this summer, but I also worry about getting caught. Most people can stop smoking no problem, but I just don't feel I'm normal.
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Comments (30)
Before I read the last paragraph in your story, and I realize I'm about five months late, I decided I was going to write about how good pot made me feel and how I felt the same way......until I ran out.

I used to smoke all day every day, before work, at lunch, before class, before bed, wake and bake, all day. It was my life. Everything was, What can I do high today that will be fun? If I ran out of pot, I'd spend my whole day trying to get it. I could not be without it. If I wasn't high, I had no appetite, felt physically ill, and I didn't know what to do with myself. Don't get me wrong, I went to work, I did my work, I took good, organized notes in class, cleaned my apartment. I wasn't a slacker, just like you aren't. I had deep realizations about my life, mistakes I'd made, people I'd never appreciated before.

Then I got a job that I couldn't go to high. I'd feel sick and shaky at work, or twitchy and irritable and all I could think about was going home and hitting the bong. Or I'd avoid going to see my family because I couldn't go over there high. Eventually I realized that I had thought pot was such a great thing that made my life so much better but in reality, it had replaced everything else and become my life.

Also, like you, I have always had anxiety problems and pot just made all those slip away. But when I didn't smoke, I felt insecure, like I didn't have anything useful to say, or like my brain just didn't work as fast as other people's did. I used to be so quick witted and eventually I just felt like a dull, empty shell of a person.

Don't get me wrong, I still love pot. I love everything about it, the way it smells, the way it tastes, the way it makes me feel (while I'm high anyways). But I'm not a person who can smoke in moderation, so I just don't smoke at all. If it's in my house, I'll smoke all the time just like before. I quit smoking two years ago (and I literally felt sick and did not eat for three days) and had quit several times before that, but I still get really bad urges to smoke.


Anyways, my point is, take a good look at your life and what you want out of it and think about how pot REALLY affects you, rather than how you want to believe it does.
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Beautifully written, Jen118584. You hit the nail right on the head. I feel the same way about pot. I don't smoke anymore but I really miss it. I just have no control when I'm around it. I HAVE to smoke if I have any on me. Good to know I'm not alone.Thx.
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hey i know exactly how you feel! when i read your thing i felt like you were talking about me. and im sorry i dont have an answer either. it's probably to work on anxiety issues so that we can get to a point where we only use weed for recreation. but for now, feeling guilty about smoking is just another form of anxiety. remember that everyone is different and dont judge yourself so harshly. i mean drs prescribe all sorts of drugs for anxiety and depression, cannabis being one of them. i think the key is eventually learning to be happy and relaxed without it.
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I have the same.. but still you shouldnt smoke so much, do it on a weekly basis, or like me on a monthly basis, so you dont get addicted
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well bro, i am the same way. and im actually going to bookmark this because of the similarities between our uhh.. experiences.
but yeah. when you smoke that many times a day its gonna affect the way you live. "Normally" and your going to want more. its a mental and physical escape. if i can. i wish i could get paid to blaze up. that'd be the life. but anyways im getting off track. its normal in my opinion you SHOULD seek more. dont care what other people think. just. keep it down to once a day that'll help your body deal better and it will give you the same motivational effects ! ya get me?
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Dude...are you me? Haha - really I relate to this so badly.

I'm English but have spent the last three months in LA where weed is legal and have had an endless supply of free weed, so naturally I smoked...like a few bowls a night for three months. It has changed my life pretty radically, in the same ways that you said. For one, I notice all the little things more and appreciate everything more, don't take things for granted, don't really get bored, basically just love life. I also used to suffer terrible anxiety, got stressed over little things, panic attacks etc. and while I still do it's definitely calmed me down A LOT since I've been smoking.

I also used to drink quite a lot which I was never proud of and after smoking weed, alcohol has become pretty redundant. Overall I feel more creative and just...feel myself. I'm more confident and can speak much more fluently without tripping over my words. Weed is just great and just as you say, I'm not addicted (could go without it) but would rather not - in the same way that I wouldn't like to live without sex or the internet.

I say you are normal, weed works for you so you use. I have a friend that has very similar anxiety problems as me, difference is for him it makes them worse, so he doesn't smoke. For me it helps though. Affects people in different ways, if it's improving your life with no negative repercussions I say smoke away and enjoy it!
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Smoke a joint.
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i smoke for pretty much the same reasons as you, i can concerntrate, i think deeply and im creative, it enhances everything its like watching a hd tv. however i dont rely on it and thats the difference i think you do, addiction to weed is in the mind and not the substance, you feel anxious when youre sober because you know what your mind is capable of because of weed so when youre sober youre mind isnt the same and everything is more boring lol although some people say they can be kind of stoned while theyre sober as weed opens up new doors in the mind and doesnt close them so you brain can replicate highness when sober too, its happened to me before. i would suggest cutting down, you dont want it to rule your life, use being high as a treat instead of the norm, you will enjoy it more that way too, btw alcohol ruins more lives than weed dont ever let anyone tell you otherwise, weed stimulates the mind, alcohol makes a fool of you lol good luck
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Gotta love the sweet cheebz but after a while you build up a tolerance and when you don't have it you get the worse anxiety and depression! I love it so much but fuck It makes me feel shit when i don't have it.
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Hey. this sounds like me lol. about last year about this time I discovered it and smoke everday for about a year. I have come to terms that its a safe safe drug. I would smoke it in the morning, at lunch and after school. until i had a really bad trip on shrooms and now everytime i smoke weed i get a bad trip. but then again. 2010 became a blurrr to me. Ive never had a year that felt liek it went by soo fast because of the memory loss with the smoking of weed and that i hated, Therefore iam taking a loong tolerance break from smoking weed. and the withdrawls suck!!. I sweat when i sleep and the my mind races all the time. even when i sleep. i question alot of things. its day 3 and i feel it going away.just smoke it once a day or on weekends, man trust me. im getting my clarity back and things seem more fun. sure you apprectiate things when your high alot but you appreciate even alot more things when your not high.
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Like others I have a common story. I’ve read almost all of these post and what you have to realize is that everyone is different because we all are experiencing different stages in life. I smoked in high school but probably once a month. Graduated and joined the army. Never once smoked weed while I was in due to my responsibilities and for fear of failing a piss test and getting kicked out. Anyways I got out last year and my second day home I blazed. I was buying ounce after ounce ever two weeks. I then slowed down for a while but then I kicked it up a notch and blazed all the time. I’m talking before class, before the gym, with my friends. I even smoked them up when they were out. I went to the doctor to check my blood. I didn’t tell her I smoke but she said if you can’t break a habit for three days it’s considered an addiction (we were talking about booze) I noticed it was taking over my life so I wanted to display some will power. I stopped for two days and here I am now thinking about it again. The craving comment above is right on point. I want to smoke just cause I can and its fun. No one told me I was getting bad because they know I have my head on straight. I do what I have to. Well it really was affecting me bad. Now I have decided to smoke only before bed or at a gathering if their passing around the blunt but I still say no just to show myself I can. Eventually it will be a once a week or once a month ordeal. As my responsibilities increase the blazing decreases. If you have a family and their not taken care of or even if you’re scraping up change to blaze your dead wrong. If u remember that you'll be fine.
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blz
The reason theyre are 0 recorded deaths of marijuana is because when people die of it "which they do" its all in theyre head, im sick of this bullshit "NO ONES EVER DIED FROM WEED, LIGHT UP BOYS" it fucks you up, sure a bong hit every couple weeks is all good, but the reason theyre are 0 recorded deaths are because marijuana is a mental drug, it hardly effects you physically, thats why when people go say "ever since i started smoking pot every day, i feel really lazy and just dont feel good" its all in your head, you mind is making you think your "ill" or "addicted" your not... this is why marijuana is so dangerous... but compared to other drugs such as heroin its just an ant bite....
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When you smoke, it releases more of a certain chemical than normal, that make everything seem fun, as if your experiencing them for the first time. If you continuously smoke for a while and then stop, some the receptors in your brain will have already shut down (temporarily), and it could take up to 6 weeks for your brain to be back to normal (depending on your usage). What I try and preach is moderation. When you smoke, you should enjoy the high, let yourself crash, and then once you feel sober again you can smoke more if you wish. But not waiting and constantly smoking or smoking too much, will mess you up and make you feel awful for quite a while. Weed definitely has more short term effects than it has long term, so waiting for the short term effects to dissolve before smoking again, is the best way to smoke.

This is almost along the same lines as what you were talking about. Buddhism says that weed can be a useful tool for when you are starting out meditation so that you can gain deeper wisdom; almost like you gaining your love for quantum physics (that happened to me too). But Buddhism also says that at some point you should be able to feel that deeper understanding, and happiness, without smoking. I can't say that I have gotten there yet, but I do hope that one day I can stop using weed as a crutch.
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I hate all druggies all fucked in the head!!!!!!
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weed ruined my life
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Marijuana is not addicting in the sense that alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, vicodin, etc. are chemically addicting.

However, it can be addicting in the sense that food, sex, or anything else that is fun is addicting. Whether or not you at risk for becoming "addicted" to marijuana all depends on a) your personality and b)the way you were brought up. I actually have a very addictive personality and I grew up in a household of addictions. However, I feel like many days of my life are a struggle. I will even become addicted to certain foods, on rare occasions eating the same thing for two weeks straight. I have become addicted to many different things including video games, books, the computer, stealing, tanning, and last but not least my biggest struggle: smoking weed. (lets thank god alcohol hasn't joined the list yet) Does that mean weed is a dangerous drug and is highly addictive? Weed is addictive in the sense that everything fun is worth repeating. Some people take it out of hand and repeat it too much, but that is their own personal problem, it has nothing to do with the drug itself.
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Tay
I can't stand when people incorporate statistics when specifically talking about marijuana. It's not about statistics and whether or not people have died from it--it's about you and having an addiction. You are having cravings and sound like you're on your way to becoming an addict unless you already are one, which you may be. I have anxiety and taking marijuana to minimize that is bullshit. I'm not again marijuana by all means, a joint every once in a while is nice, but you need to be able to control your life without the use of non-prescribed drugs. Stop your addiction while you can; best of luck.
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@: Tay
Perhaps you have a strong aversion to facts?

Fact: There is no evidence to support the claim that marijuana causes chemical dependency.

You said: "I can't stand when people incorporate statistics when specifically talking about marijuana. It's not about statistics and whether or not people have died form it--it's about you and having an addiction."

Statistical data is used to get closer to the facts of the matter. Otherwise we would be going by nothing more than feelings and opinions as you have so generously offered. While everyone is certainly entitled to their opinions, they cannot be used to prove anything. Statistics are important and have been used to see if marijuana is indeed addictive as some claim.

You cannot become chemically dependent on marijuana, as with drugs like heroin, nicotine, cocaine, or even caffeine. The addictive properties of marijuana are more psychological then physiological. Think of a person that is "addicted" to candy bars. That person is not dependent on the sweet confections, but simply loves the taste and wants to experience the pleasure associated with eating it. That is why I mentioned in my above post what a person experiences when they stop using marijuana. They do not go through withdrawal symptoms like those associated with other substances, but rather crave it as they would with their favorite food or anything else they enjoy.

A person that uses marijuana, even regularly, is clearly not a drug addict. That has been established as a fact throughout much of the scientific community.
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Dreamboat
That what you just described is the way I feel when I take a shower. I start to get into deep thinking and makes everything more clearer throughout the time Im showering. But when i smoke weed I get that feeling as well only 5x stronger.Gotta love showers and weed
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Well, to all of you. Very interesting comments. Been off alcohol just shy of 30 years. Been smokin' weed off and on even longer than that. Not so much since I quit drinking until recently. Sometimes it makes me feel very "uncomfortable in my own skin and own head". I get way to deep inside myself, too deep into my own head. Plus I've always been considered extremely intelligent so you can see my sometimes dilemma. I quit smoking cigarettes over a year ago and turned to weed occasionaly, (like at least once a day), a few months ago. Part of the "uncomfortableness" I suppose comes from the fact that its illegal here and also, like in "My Woman from Tokyo", I get stoned alone. I'm purposely moving very soon to a "legal" state so I can use it for pain. I hate narcotics, ie: vicodin, etc., which I can get amply supplied for my pain, from the VA. I quit that stuff. Gotta get out of this redneck state near "friendlys" and see whats changed since I quit regular weed smoking 30 years ago. Everything in moderation, except no alcohol, no way!, no matter what.It really sucks to live in a State where law enforcement can get you canned for 5 years or more just for possession of even one seed. How you supposed to have fun at the beach with the ladies? Rednecks!
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I also love BEING high.It makes you able to be at one with yourself.I am so much more understanding and better at alot of things high.Its like a better version of being sobar.I really belive that I am a better person high i love putting in headphones and thinking music is like an eargasm for me when am buzzing.I stopped for 2months at a point and after 2weeks you forget how good it was to be high and dont have the same craving you did before.I do belive that someking weed for 10-20years will fuck me up bad,but a still dont see myself stopping anytime soon.So in the mean time may aswell enjoy it.And a just thought a would say that getting high is all about the eviroment your in.Its much better in your house for example as you feel at home and comfortable.
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so i have smoked for 7 years now, and i recently had to quit because on my 17th birthday i got caught buying a bowl and now im getting drug tested by my mom. and i after i stopped smoking i go depressed and my grades were slipping and i didn't want to do anything anymore. And when i first started smoking someone had told me that's whats going to happen when you smoke that you become a burnout loser. and i want to tell my mom that this is happened to me that i failing at all my classes and i don't want to do anything anymore, but she will probably not believe me.
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i am the EXACT same way. what it is is that when you spend so much time being high, you get used to feeling like that even more than being sober, so when your sober there is a big change in the chemical balances in your brain. this causes me to get irritable, unable to relax, stressed easily and kinda hard to eat. it isnt as bad as it sounds its just kinda annoying but if you stop it will all go away in 2 weeks tops. most likely sooner.
hope this helped
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its no worse than eating bologna when your used to eating prime rib. just kinda lame
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You should only smoke it on weekends. I used to do that, but eventually was doing it every night because I realised how much better everything was while I was on it. But in the end, drugs are bad, and no one should do them.
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@: manimal
agreed
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I drank and smoked the herbs for 25 years and I have been in AA for the last 15 years and your story sounds like the begining of every addicts story I have ever heard. Unfortunately your just begining the road to hell. Every addict thinks there addiction is helping them.
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Your problem was the drink not the smoke. Your grouping them together as if they're in the same category. According to the CDC statistics alcohol-attributable deaths were 75,766 for the year 2001http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5337a2.htm
Drugwarfacts.org actually lists alcohol as the third cause of annual death at an average of 85,000 per year. Marijuana is 0. The only times people had reportedly died while under the influence of marijuana is when used while under the influence of something else "An exhaustive search of the literature finds no credible reports of deaths induced by marijuana. The US Drug Abuse Warning Network (DAWN) records instances of drug mentions in medical examiners' reports, and though marijuana is mentioned, it is usually in combination with alcohol or other drugs. Marijuana alone has not been shown to cause an overdose death."--http://drugwarfacts.org/cms/?q=node/30
Your "road to hell" clearly started with alcohol. Alcohol has been proven time and time again that it's addictive to the point where chronic drinkers experience hallucinations and convulsions when you stop drinking. When you stop smoking pot, what happens? NOTHING! You go ah man, I wish I had some weed. Check your facts before demonizing something you know nothing about. I say that even though you claimed to have used marijuana for 25 years. You were too drunk to notice marijuana's true effects.
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Marijuana isn't addictive you fool, and just because you're too weak-minded to control yourself doesn't mean other everyone else is.
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Well you mistake was you drank, NOT smoked marijuana and yes you CANNOT group the two in the same category. But anyway not to be a dick GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ADDICTION AND STAYING CLEAN! :)
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