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Am I jealous of my boyfriend' mother?
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Is this normal? Well me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. He is great! He gives me the love and respect that I appreciate so much from him. However his mom sometimes seems to get in the way. She is a great lady, but there are times that seem to be out of place. Like for example, she will question him on why he does not visit her. Obviously he is with me or at work and doesn't have time to visit her. Sometimes he feels obligated to visit her. On the visits, his mother will hug him tightly in front of me, to make me jealous. He then begins to only focus on his mother during the rest of the visit. She has told me multiple times that he is the favorite out of the five and loves him more than her other kids. Now this year his mom is going to Mexico to visit her parents she wants him to go so badly. He asked me to go with him but I know his mother does not want me to go . So I don't want him to go either!
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Comments (22)
I can understand that why you are jealous of your boyfriend's mother. The reason is that your boyfriend and his mother share a very intimate relationship and sometimes he pays too much attention on her, which makes you feel uncomfortable.

I'm not saying that you're wrong, but putting yourself in their shoes may help you to get rid of this jealousy.

As your boyfriend's mother, she feels the same as you. Imagine that you were a mother and you had a beloved son. Now your son had grown up and left you after all these years and he had his new life. Surely you would miss him and wish to see him more frequently, wouldn't you? Just like how bad you feel when you see your boyfriend pay more attention on his mother than you, his mother feels the same when his son ignores her or doesn't visit her.

I guess it's very normal for a mother to want to get closer to her son. I can't tell if your boyfriend's mother really tries to make you jealous on purpose. But at any rate, you may want to forgive or understand her because after all she's just a mother who's missing her son.

As a son, your boyfriend is a very nice and filial guy to feel obligated to visit his mother. Many guys nowadays find visiting their parents a great burden. Maybe you should appreciate your boyfriend instead. And somehow I think you have to believe that although you are very important to your boyfriend, still there're many other important people in his life, just like his family and his friends.

Finally, my suggestion is that maybe you should improve your relationship with your boyfriend's mother. You may encourage your boyfriend to go to Mexico without you and tell him to enjoy his time with his mother. In doing so, you can show him and his mother that you understand them. Your understanding may be appreciated. It may be very hard for you to do so but it's all I can think of. If your boyfriend doesn't go to Mexico, it'd only discontent his mother and make the relationship between you and his mother worse.

I guess that understanding is the key to the solution.
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I am the mother of a lovely son and you are just being immature and silly.

You should be grateful to her that she raised a lovely son who shows both you and her respect. I have a rotten mother and a rotten mother in law, yet you have the chance to share the love of a man with his mother. Instead of making his life shit, you should send him to Mexico without you. You should nourish this relationship and be eternally grateful for it!

It's a lesson in life for all young girls ... "Watch how a man treats his mother, and you'll know if he'll be a good husband and father!"

Do NOT attempt to destroy their relationship or you will be teaching him disrespect that he will use on you at a later date.

AND don't be so stupid about her hugging her son - it's normal, unless you have a shit family.
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@: joybird
Wow you sound like a bitch. You could have answered that a little nicer. I live with my husband and his parents temporarly and we will always live close to them. And I know some MIL's purposly do stuff like that because mine is PRIME example. She sees him all the time and knows I'm perfect for him and it makes her jelous and she purposly brings me down and does exactly with her MIL is doing to her. I know this cause I overheard her tell her husband she does. I can't say hers is because I don't know her but they do exist. And you can't just assume she's immature and making his life shit. MIL's get jelous, but so do us DIL's, as much as I hate to say it and except sometimes. But its normal!
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Hmmm....i think it's all in your perception. "on the visits, his mother will hug him tightly in front of me, to make me jealous." Why do you feel it's to make you jealous? Is she winking at you over his shoulder? It's probably typical mother/son affection. In fact, all of the behaviors seem normal. To answer your question, you do seem jealous and unnecessarily so. You are confusing two types of love, familial and romantic. She is not competition for your bf's romantic interest, she's his fuckin mom. You're the one he's fuckin, not her, hopefully.
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Women can be terribly competitive. Question is - what's he getting from her that he's not getting from you ;)
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Even though that's his mom, she's completely out of place. He has a life of his own, and she really needs to understand that. She shouldn't make him feel obligated to do anything, especially something that changes his life with you, you being a major part in his life, and him in yours. You're jealous, but it's justified. She shouldn't try to make it a competition between you two, and she needs to understand why she's wrong. I'm sorry, but some people just suck lol
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It sounds to me like he has either had or is having and incestous relationship with her, and she sees you as her sexual competition.

Have you thought about asking them about this? Perhaps you could do a group sex thing just to get rid of the bad blood?
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with his mom!?
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My husband's Mother is a bit of a problem to me as well.

She has 3 other kids, and they got married early and started their lives and for the most part, just detached. She wasn't too good of a Mother and had a turbulent relationship with her husband (my husband recalls their violent fights of porn, money, and other issues). She let her husband be the reason why she didn't associate with her kids, so she never formed enough of a bond with her kids to compel them to stay in her life.

Her husband got tired of her shit and left her, and it took my husband til his mid-twenties to get up the money to move out. She was horribly upset. But she never communicated with my husband. She didn't know he got another job, started going back to school, or ANYTHING until I told her. They were living in the same house but never spoke. The other day we went in her house to screw on her bed because I fucking hate her and we saw a picture of my husband at 22, and it was sitting where she could see it when she woke up in the morning.

Consider the possibility that your boyfriend's mother, much like my Mother in law, is a poor, lonely old woman that has driven away just about everyone else in her life and is clinging onto the last person she has not fully driven away. Then, have some sympathy and let him spend time with her. He's probably all she's got.
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That was an awesome comment and right on the money about some people that drive all their loved ones away. You're a great person for understanding this and making allowances for your mother-in-law
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Maybe it's me but ... I don't see why it's wrong for her to hug him. She created him after all.

if you are getting jealous you may want to consider thinking about why.

I mean to me it's normal to spend time with your parents, to hug them. And I don't see anything wrong with joining them on a trip to another country to visit relations.

Is she asking for time constantly? Calling him all the time? Or just once a week?
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She calls him everyday. Usually Saturday's are days we spend alone together, which I'm sure she got the hint after we stopped going to visit her. Lately she has been making grand dinners just to get him to come over. Which is irritating because now we can't even have our alone time.
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sounds a bit like she's afraid of losing him.

and if you live with him you do have alone time every day.

perhaps you two can talk about it to decide how best to balance time together and time with her as well
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I think you're being ridiculous. It's his mother. She loves him more than you do and from the sound of it she gets to see him less. I think it's lovely that she holds him dearly coz you never know what could happen you could lose someone at any point. I think it's right your boyfriend gives her more attention and thinks he should give her more. It's his mother. Mother's do a hell of a lot for their children, he owes her so much!!! I think you're being competitive towards the wrong type of woman... it's his mother... they have a relationship you will never have with him but with your own son one day. I find it slightly sick that you get jealous of this. It doesn't make sense. If you have something so great why are you jealous?
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Most mothers will sacrifice their lives or their quality of life for the duration of their lives for their kid. It's not really a bond that can be broken. You need to understand this and make allowances for your mother-in-law.

Karma can be a real bitch. Mentally trade places with the future you when you've made your share of ignorant mistakes and then your only son gets married and moves thousands of miles away from you.

Media portrays a picture where your relationship to your parents disappear when you get married. Does that really work? After you pass 50 you'll be in the same boat
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No she just loves her son nothing to do with you at allllllllllllllllll. She hugs him cuz he's her little boy not cuz she's trying to make u jealous
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Its the kids mom for Christ sake. Hop off the nuts for a second and realize what your saying.

I just lost my mom recently this past year. Only now do I realize she never got to see me succeed in a major way, nor did I broad cast my appreciation for her as much as I wished I had.

If you got mad at me for showing love for my mom, I'd have to ask you to eat the individual hairs off my balls one by one. Thank you.
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My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We live 5 minutes from his parents. His parents have 2 other children who also are married with kids and they visit a few times a week. We/ husband visits them once a day, sometimes twice. His mother also calls him once or twice a day. And not to mention, his mom and dad have been married for 40 years and are still strong together.

So no ecxuses on lonliness or anything here. I really love them too and I'm blessed to have great in laws but for no jealous reasons whatsoever, I think it's a tad bit too much. Their home is never empty. When we are there, their other children would have just left, or there will be another visit soon after we leave. The door to their house is constantly opening and closing. I think it's time the hinges need changing... But that's it.

I don't hate it but my feelings are that she can't really accept or allow her son to grow a little on his own or have a little more independence. I joke he's a mommys boy... And he is, and at times it's really annoying. He says he owes her everything. True.. To an extent. He also owes everything to me and our own children.

She is slightly needy and expects daily calls and visits! I'm ok with that but deep inside I can't understand why? It's as though he hasn't grown up and she dosnt accept he is now 34 and should... Even a little.... Have his own life with me.

If you can't beat em... Join em!
I say that to myself every day and its easier to cope than fighting it. I'd rather he visits her than going out to pubs and bars with his mates. Not to mention, I think of my 2 little boys, and I hope one day when they are married they will continue to see me. I love them more than my life and hope they will stay with me forever. But I know they will marry one day. I just hope they will see me everyday too lol. So I put myself in her shoes with that thought also. She only loves him and its natural unless he is an arse who dosnt care, but that will reflect on you.

But don't worry, even though my in laws are awesome.... My 2 sisters in law are complete bitches who have HATED me from day one. Other dramas there. Long story and I've already done my essay here!!

Cheers ppl
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Oh and by the way, I do realise my post is 8 months late on the conversation, but I'd like to find out what happened. Did he go to Mexico with her in the end? Are you two still together? Have you worked through this?
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I am 40 divorced with kids , ages15,13,9. I have a good job , earn 57,000 a year . I was with my x husband from 16-36. I then started dating a man I worked with. He is 44, never been married and only 3 girlfriends his entire life. When we started dating I asked him , when are you going to tell your mom about me, he says , yeah, I'll break it to her. He was worried about telling her. But her other son is divirced and the other son has dated 2 divorced women. Then she started cutting him out article about how bad divorce women are and he should be careful of me I could be using him for money. We make the same amount. Would most women be offended
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You need to tell your bf what your feeling. now. do it. now!!. GO TELL HIM!!! O_O
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So , most women would be a litte offended, right ??
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