Are You Normal?
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Attracted to My Father
I'm female, and just turned 18 a few months ago. I'm pretty average in all areas. Except...
Ever since I can remember feeling "romantic" attraction, I've found myself inexplicably attracted to my father. He's not the kindest of people, and he has really high expectations of me so it's been very painful for me to try to live up to his standards, but nonetheless I've never been able to shake the feeling of being attracted to him, both emotionally and physically. I've tried to quash this impulse in myself and have dated several other people, but my father is the standard to which I hold everyone else, and no one measures up.
Is this just me longing for a loving father-daughter relationship that we haven't had? Or is it what it feels like - romantic desire? Has anyone else ever felt this way? More importantly, does it go away over time?
Ever since I can remember feeling "romantic" attraction, I've found myself inexplicably attracted to my father. He's not the kindest of people, and he has really high expectations of me so it's been very painful for me to try to live up to his standards, but nonetheless I've never been able to shake the feeling of being attracted to him, both emotionally and physically. I've tried to quash this impulse in myself and have dated several other people, but my father is the standard to which I hold everyone else, and no one measures up.
Is this just me longing for a loving father-daughter relationship that we haven't had? Or is it what it feels like - romantic desire? Has anyone else ever felt this way? More importantly, does it go away over time?
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Do you think it's normal?
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[Best Of]
[Funny]
[Interesting]
[Weird]
[Stupid]
[Lame]
[Vulgar]
[F*cked Up]
[Fake]
[Off Topic]
[Innapropriate]
[Adult]
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have a bath but make sure you have no towels, call to your Father to bring you one as you stand naked in the bathroom.
when he comes tell him you are soooo cold will he rub you down to warm you up, make sure you open your legs to let him dry you off.
If that don't interest him then forget it or try going down to watch TV in your nightie, sit with your legs open to wards him with no panties on but don't make it to obvious.
GET HELP OR IF YOU LIKE OLDER GUYS....TRY TEACHERS....ALOT OF THEM DONT MIND RAPING ATTRACTIVE HIGHSCHOOLERs
First of all, that's extremely weird, & don't you think it's a little embarrassing too?
I think you need to run away, to shake up your funny feelings for him. :|
Probably the same bunch who covet the neighbour's teen daughter or 'enjoy' the preteen sleep overs arranged by their own daughters.
Ain't it sad people are so fast to judge and criticise others, pretending to uphold moral standards they do not have?
Darling, it is not normal and you should brush it off your mind. Not so much because it is 'wrong' (right and wrong change with time and place) or against the law but mostly because insisting on it will probably bring you heartache and sadness.
Try to forget about it. Find yourself a boy your age. It's just better for you.
Tata
Oh...wait...that never happened...
but the incest you're feeling is not perceived as normal
I'm from south america and non of that is normal.
Elitist son of a bitch.
Well, sometimes it happens that young girls or boys are attracted to their fathers and mothers, That's called the oedipus and the electra complex respectively.
Now, it's less normal for woman your age (yes, you're a woman, not a little girl).
As I understand, when women start developing sexual behavior, they often think of woman when masturbating for example. Think about it, who was your first sexual "model".
And, well, It'll probably fade away. Just don't do anyhting stupid because (Woman try to always get what they want by any means) you'll seriously harm your dad and yourself, destroying your family and bringing sadness and pain.
Don't take this an advice but a reference, because I don't understand pretty well sexual relationships.
second thing if you really do think you fancy your dad you probably dont but you like the way he is maybe he has a nice attitude get a man there's a lot out there just like him and maybe thats the guy for you because at the end of the day just think if anything and i mean anything were to happen between your old man it would destroy your life your family would hate you apart from him your freinds would think your wierd and all possible futre blokes would find out evantually and think your a freak trust me dont go down that path!
If you admire your father, it's not abnormal to hold other men to that standard. In fact, that is common. But make sure you're basing that standard on good qualities and not on attributes you WISH were there. That could be another reason you desire your father. You don't desire him, you desire for him to develop traits he's missing.
Granted... and I can't believe I'm saying this... maybe you are genuinely attracted to your father. Um... still, I wouldn't pursue anything (wow... it feels so weird to suggest this...) until you are several years older, late twenties, in order to understand YOURSELF more and your motivations for feeling this way.
In short, it's not *normal* to desire your father, far from it, but that doesn't negate your feelings. Incest is a taboo for a reason, but don't judge yourself and don't let other people judge you until you understand what's behind it. I'd seriously talk to a therapist to discover the deeper meaning behind these feelings.
it's pretty damn gross!
It can be normal to find your father attractive, but you are only trying to get to know him better and there are ways of doing this without having a sexual relationship with him. Also the majority of girls use the image of their dad as the standard of what they need to find in a future husband. I think you may have subconciusly thought, 'if i need to find someone like my dad to fall in love with, why not get the real thing and go for him?!' believe me this is not the way
Go out and find someone else - it will spare greif and pain, it is so much healthier too.
Have a relationship with your dad, but the right one.
Take care x
Somehow your father - an unkind and controlling man (i.e. with painfully high expectations) - has become way too central and domineering a figure in your whole (emotional, psychological, social) world. Maybe as you leave home and grow more independent his dominance will lessen.
But still, for you, in developing healthy relationships with others & feeling good about yourself, do consider some counseling.
The feeling will probably go away
And if I were you DON'T act upon this feeling
You just may be so close to your father, and like him so much, you want a husband like him, which is perfectly normal
The feeling will probably go away, but if not, I would suggest professanal help for it, though it probably won't be nessesary
You could try to list what you like about your father and try to picture your future hubby with those qualities. It could be that you haven't come across the right guy yet, but you still see your father being a good figure. Just keep meeting more guys, or maybe start looking for guys who are a little more older than your usual range. If you stick around with a guy long enough, you might find qualities you like that your dad doesn't have.
What the Electra Complex refers to is a female (during the phallic stage) realizing she doesn't have a penis but her father does. She then seeks to have intercourse with him to have some sort of attachment with a penis. The term Penis Envy came from this theory.
You must understand that Freud had a lot of issues himself and was a drug addict to boot so a lot of psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists have rejected his theories or altered them to make more sense.
You are already aware of the reason for your attraction to your father. You stated it in your opening question. I'm referring to when you asked, "Is it me longing for a father-daughter relationship I've never had?"
I would say that is exactly what it is. Modern day psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists have come to the conclusion that the Electra Complex is actually a girl/woman's desire for love and acceptance by her father. It is most commonly found in situations such as yours where you feel like you don't measure up to his standards/expectations. You probably have a low self-esteem as well (as this usually accompanies this syndrome).
I do not know to what lengths your attraction to your father reaches but, for the sake of covering all the bases, I would say if you are actually sexually aroused by him or fantasize that he is having intercourse with you (during masterbation or just daydreaming) then I would say you don't fit the normal profile of a woman needing acceptance from dad.
Most women with the Electra Complex (today's version where you're seeking approval) seek out relationships with other men who resemble their father and these are usually abusive relationships on some level (whether emotional abuse, physical or sexual abuse, or verbal abuse).
I hope this helps you to see where you are. If either depiction I've described fits your situation then you should definitely seek out a good therapist to work through your core/underlying issues so you can bring about resolution and start entering into positive, healthy relationships with the opposite sex. A relationship where you are valued on every level and where there is no hurtful behavior being acted out.
FRICKING DADDY PAEDO
It's not wicked or evil -- it just is what it is. But it's NOT a good idea to act on it. My advice: Go away to college in a different state and start seeing one of the university clinic counselors. It should be free. You'll outgrow this and move on with a healthier life. God bless.
P.S. I think it's a fake post anyway.. cos this can never be true
That's the logical explanation. If i'm wrong and it really is attraction, i recommend therapy.
Either way, therapy would be a good idea.
You want a guy with the same morals and standards as him. But the fact that you're feeling sexually attracted to him is a little... odd?
I mean, I can understand if you think your parents aren't ugly... but being attracted to them in a way that you almost want to date them? Yeah, thats not cool. I dont really know what to say other than, keep looking for a guy. You can get close to your dad. Have a good relationship with him, but don't get all weird, and sexual.
Attention, Just when I thought I have heard and seen it all..........................
I've had a crazy relationship with my father as he's been raising me my entire life by himself and is really my hero...everything he does, literally everything is just...better than I see anyone else do it. He's bold and just desirable in my eyes. We spend hours together and share interests and really...I don't think I could ever handle him dating someone else.
It's not what happened in your brain that caused this, it's what didn't.
IMO, there's absolutely nothing wrong with incestuous relationships, other than the fact that it is frowned upon by other people. The other bad thing is that if the relationship doesn't go well, it may cause a lot more damage than when 2 best friends fail a romantic relationship. So basically, you should decide whether it's worth it or not. Since I'm a boy, and don't know how girls think and feel that much, this is all I can say.
ONLY YOU NEED TO MAKE IT OBVIOUS
THAT WAY IN HIS MIND HE WILL KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND YOU CAN SCORE!
i think this feeling of yours will go away with time, when you find your 'ideal guy' which will make your feelings for your dad go away :)
best of luck :)
Don't be too harsh on yourself about this, i'm sure you'll meet someone who will completely replace this attraction. I had a friend who confided in me with a similar issue, her feelings went on for about a year, then she met the man of her dreams and she feels no romantic interest in her relative anymore, she thinks it may have been just some kind of sexual fantasy too, because it is so forbidden in society.
[there are a lot of women who date men that resemble their fathers, whether they realize it or not.]
are you joking? freud is no longer credible.
i think this is normal, if you ask me. i don't feel this way because my dad is old and wrinkly.. but hey, maybe your dad is a sexy man! i've seen lots of men 40-50 who are very attractive. my friend's dad, for example, is really hot.
In the meantime, don't act on it. Good luck :)
not sure what to say /= Not something that everyone goes through. Maybe if you just keep concentrating on the bad things about him? /= don"t know
Girl, run like hell. Get some help. Figure it out, move out of the house, talk to a counselor.
REALLY. Do it NOW.
She's lying there is just mo way that that kind of thing could happen.
-She even might already have a brother/son, or daughter/sister.