Are You Normal?
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Bad trip, No longer able to have fun on drugs.
Okay,
about 2 months ago I blew 2 grams of cocain through out and evening(my first time). Smoked a blunt and hit a bowl a few times (mids). Drank 3 beers and ate and 8th of shrooms.
Everything went so wrong after the shrooms. Like I started getting that body buzz with in minutes it seemed. (typically takes like an 45 min for that to kick in for me).. So I go to the bath room like what the f**k.. Splashing water on my face with my heart racing.. seemed with in minutes of that.. my world was spinning. So I left the party.. walking on the side of a main road.. I began forgetting how to act, how to walk, how to talk. I called my mom freeking out she picked me up.. ((drew cartoon cates for me trying to bring me back from my seriously horrible trip :PP)). but nothing was doing it. I wasn't the same for two weeks. Like depression, thoughts of suicide, I wanted to give up on life.
Sence then I have tryed doing smoking up, drinking, and cocain again. I don't get super depressed after but when I am not sober I am not having fun at all.. My mind is just so concintrated on staying in control of myself.
This worries me. I mean in general I am very social and feel great, it's just that added boost where you feel perfect. I want it again but I keep putting myself through feeling like sh*t and not getting the same results at all.
I would seriously cry if I took ex and didn't get an once of joy from it.
I know this is not normal.
but I didn't see any real type of drug use up here past bud.. I thought it could maybe be relateable to someone, and I was wondering if that fear I have will ever stop haunting me?????
about 2 months ago I blew 2 grams of cocain through out and evening(my first time). Smoked a blunt and hit a bowl a few times (mids). Drank 3 beers and ate and 8th of shrooms.
Everything went so wrong after the shrooms. Like I started getting that body buzz with in minutes it seemed. (typically takes like an 45 min for that to kick in for me).. So I go to the bath room like what the f**k.. Splashing water on my face with my heart racing.. seemed with in minutes of that.. my world was spinning. So I left the party.. walking on the side of a main road.. I began forgetting how to act, how to walk, how to talk. I called my mom freeking out she picked me up.. ((drew cartoon cates for me trying to bring me back from my seriously horrible trip :PP)). but nothing was doing it. I wasn't the same for two weeks. Like depression, thoughts of suicide, I wanted to give up on life.
Sence then I have tryed doing smoking up, drinking, and cocain again. I don't get super depressed after but when I am not sober I am not having fun at all.. My mind is just so concintrated on staying in control of myself.
This worries me. I mean in general I am very social and feel great, it's just that added boost where you feel perfect. I want it again but I keep putting myself through feeling like sh*t and not getting the same results at all.
I would seriously cry if I took ex and didn't get an once of joy from it.
I know this is not normal.
but I didn't see any real type of drug use up here past bud.. I thought it could maybe be relateable to someone, and I was wondering if that fear I have will ever stop haunting me?????
Do you think it's normal?
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Weed and mushrooms are very psychological drugs and past experiences on them can effect future times. i.e if you have one bad trip on mushrooms the likly hood is your going to have more times like that. Thats what happened to me.
Not like I'm wanting to preach and say is all bad, fuck that if you get pissed it gets rid of all your paranoia anyway, but weed paranoia is something you'll have to live with.
First off rereading what I wrote.. Goodness sorry about all the mistakes.
Secondly, Yea I am finding out bud will never be the same.
I don't think any of it will.
When I first started doing this it was all new.
I was open to the effects.
But through time the more I did.
The more I sought for some sort of high..
The more I felt I had a problem.
I blame society for this!!!
If I didn't feel that people were looking down on me.
If I didn't feel my parents shame.
Then I would still be having that free sprited piece of mind.
But as you go farther into the drug world.
It is harder to keep it off your tongue.
It is harder to keep it a secret.
The more consumed you seem to get..
the more people look at you like you have a problem.
I never crashed. I never got hurt. I only got scared once.. And clearly that is cuase I mixed drugs!!!
The only time I felt my actions were bad was when my parents found out.
When some of my friends got angry with me.
or when the church I use to attend knocked at my door.
This painted inmage of trash assosicated with drugs is what brought me to become close minded.
I have done Bud, Ketimine, Ex, Acid, Shrooms, Cocain, and once a pain killer.
Everything I tryed never hurt me.
As far as I know.
Everyting people told me of drugs was wrong.
It's not as horrible as what it is made to be.
In moderation the things I have tryed are wonderful.
They bring you closer to others.
Open your mind to new thoughts.
Bring you a different kind of joy never felt before.
I wish I could allow myself to continue with these things but I can't.
I can not be open minded to it.
Becuase now my thoughts are always consumed about doing what right in the eyes of others.
Now that I am a little older I am craving to do the normal thing.
Make my parents happy.
When I slip up.. I only consintrate on slipping up.. not having a good time.
Sucks.. but I can't help it.
:(.
but it was great while it lasted!!
You can't blame society for your cravings. Man up and face it that drugs are awesome, addiction sucks, but in moderation everything is so satisfying.