Are You Normal?
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Can your family history F!@# you over?
My mom, as I was growing up, taught me to be independent. She didn't have any patience. I was expected to do something perfect on my first attempt, and as quick as possible. I was brought up with the feeling that if I wasn't working (and working for her was cleaning the house or cleaning the house) I was worthless. She was always angry and impatient. One of her famous phrases was, "What would you do if I was dead?" She is very anal, dislikes "silliness," and discourages me from expressing my feelings or opinion. (Although she rarely spanked me.)
My grandmother left my mom when my mom was 15, so my mom never had a mother figure while being a teenager. Right about when I turned 15, my mom got a new job and threw all her energy into it. Around the same time, my brother was going through his rebellious stage and there were many fights around the house. All there was was constant yelling, and I didn't get much attention from either parent. Now 20, I feel like I didn't get a proper upbringing. I don't have the typical mother-daughter relationship.
So even now when I try to talk to her about something, she becomes angry and yells at me, which I think is her being uncomfortable about talking about feelings. I like to blame my mother for all my psycological problems, such as I have difficulty making friends because I never talk about myself (because I'm not supposed to, see?) and I am way too stiff and formal.
I feel jealous of other people who make friends with everyone, are charming and beautiful and please everyone. I try really hard to be all these things, but I can never loosen up and I guess that turns people off.
Is it normal to blame my mother for all my psycological issues? I have heard that if someone has a bad relationship with his/her mother, she/he will never have a good relationship.
My grandmother left my mom when my mom was 15, so my mom never had a mother figure while being a teenager. Right about when I turned 15, my mom got a new job and threw all her energy into it. Around the same time, my brother was going through his rebellious stage and there were many fights around the house. All there was was constant yelling, and I didn't get much attention from either parent. Now 20, I feel like I didn't get a proper upbringing. I don't have the typical mother-daughter relationship.
So even now when I try to talk to her about something, she becomes angry and yells at me, which I think is her being uncomfortable about talking about feelings. I like to blame my mother for all my psycological problems, such as I have difficulty making friends because I never talk about myself (because I'm not supposed to, see?) and I am way too stiff and formal.
I feel jealous of other people who make friends with everyone, are charming and beautiful and please everyone. I try really hard to be all these things, but I can never loosen up and I guess that turns people off.
Is it normal to blame my mother for all my psycological issues? I have heard that if someone has a bad relationship with his/her mother, she/he will never have a good relationship.
Do you think it's normal?
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it would make a lot of sense if you can't make friends now because you couldn't express yourself before, you act as your taught when you grow up around your parents. You have to try and ignore that part of your brain which is telling you not to express yourself and not to hold back, because you know it's not the right thing to do. Remember not everyone is going to be angry and impatient like your mum, try telling people other than your mum about your issues. Did you/do you get on with your brother? Does he feel the same way? A lot of life is having fun so don't worry all the time, loosen up. If you can't loosen up around certain people maybe it's the environment you're in. Do you find it hard at work or just generally? Say goodbye to your oppressed self and let a calmer and happier person come through you, maybe your friends can replace the lack of love in your childhood?
You could also talk to your mum i guess... maybe she has problems of her own too.
good luck.