Childhood Molestation and is it effecting me now?

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sex is probably just not in a good connotation, at least in the back of your head.

It sounds like you already know the answer. Someone that you trusted assaulted you, so it's gonna take a lot of work to trust anyone that you allow into your life. You might want to think about talking to a therapist. Sexual trauma, even if you don't remember it, can create complicated emotions that are hard to understand on your own.

OK just let me warn you this is very long but I really hope it helps you, because I feel like I know what you are going through, because I'm going through it myself.

I was molested by the same person for 3 years from age 8-11 and yes I can vividly remember it and sometimes certain things I see or hear or even think of trigger a memory of something He did. I was also attacked by a 22 year old when I was 14 but I got away from him and thankfully was still a virgin when I was freed from his clutches. I believe these instances have scarred me for life.

I have had sex, but with only one guy. I'm old skool too, as in I would like to wait until marriage now before I have sex with another man but I know that is probably not going to happen because of the times we live in currently. It is also very complicated because people can be quite vulgar in even the friendliest of conversations. It is not fun being an outcast within the sexual world. It is not fun nor is it fair to see the reactions of people when you say you don't have sex or haven't yet and would prefer not to engage in sexual activities or really talk about your reasoning behind it.

Dating just feels the same everytime I try it. Usually some guy will walk up to me in a club, in a store, at work and say "You're Hott!" How the fuck am I suppossed to respond to that? I have a rule...I will never date a guy who says I'm "hott" because I think it's just well immature and uhhh I don't know...stupid.

So I've come to the conclusion that yes I think it's possible that child molestation and rape can cause people to have a fear of sexual activity. To be uncomfortable around someone who wants to enagage in sexual activity with you. Or to have a negative view of men or women and different perversions. I personally think what happened to me caused me to be intrigued by the BDSM lifestyle as I've read certain articles that link the two together, but I'm no psychologist so I really don't know.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with being a virgin or choosing to be celibate. Because in my opinion having sex just to have sex or losing your virginity just to lose it like I did only causes problems in the future.

Finding the right partner for some people is very difficult and takes a lot of work and patience while others are lucky and just find the right person to be with right off the bat. It is a hard decision to make because it could be for the rest of your life, but I can just only hope you will know when the time for you to have sex is the right time for YOU and not your partner/friends with benefits/ ect.

I wish you the best of luck! Take care!

V

It might me

You haven't had any replies - and maybe because its impossible to answer.

I think it is most likely that you are over-thinking this, looking too far when the answer is simply that you haven't met the right person at the right time.

On the other hand maybe you were traumatized - even though you speak of it so matter-of-factly; and, without any apparent discomfort or anxiety. But maybe it is real subtle....

... well somehow I think you would know if this long ago event had any bearing on your healthy sexual functioning now.

How were you molested? Was your molester gentle? There would not be any kind of trauma if that is the case. Do not put too much faith in this suppressed memory stuff. The truth is that, if you do not consciously recall something, then it will not affect your feelings or actions. I am not saying child molestation is ok, I just think that the idea that a person can be traumatized simply from someone touching her is ridiculous. Society trains people to feel that way, that is the real problem.

I feel you have an excellent opportunity of finding that perfect soul mate, and even at that a wonderful person you may consider being a life long companion with.

Could it be you've been looking in the wrong places? And then there is the problem of maturity... Maybe you should raise your sites
for a little older guys...

Sometimes, it pays to advertise. If you don't think it to prudish why can't you place an add in a paper describing yourself, and what your ideal soul mate would be. Be quite frant in your requirements and expectations. Then work with the list of names provided. Take your time, check out the guys, and if they don't fit the bill, tell them so. But, never compromise your standards that you're looking for in your man.... I believe it pays to advertise.....

gentle or not, molestation is still wrong. i think that you guys need to talk to a therapist of some sort. mine helped me cope with it and now its easier for me to have sex sometimes. it sucks and im sorry. but i think a professional would help you a lot better than a website with peoples opinions

Hm... Well, on one hand, the molestation is definitely a probable contributing factor in the discomfort with actually going all the way, HOWEVER, it is possible that it is not the actual reason.

Its sort of odd, I feel the same way in most respects. As far as I can tell, I have never been sexually abused but... whenever I get into a position like that, I begin to feel guilty...

A lot of the time when a person is abused, the question comes up, whether subconsciously or consciously, that asks, "Was it my fault?" Living with such guilt can make sex seem hard to cope with, even if you consciously KNOW it wasn't your fault.

When you get into bed... do you think you start to feel like you may be leading someone else to feel that same pain that you feel? That you felt? Perhaps it is a subconscious fear of becoming the abuser that truly stops you?

People who molest kids are gay. I hate them.

They can't help it.

They wish they could, they do. But society feeds us this nihilistic view of life that basically gives us the ok to indulge in every carnal desire that may plague us, while we are still here...just propogating our genes! What a great fucking life!

omg you're sick. so you're saying that it's ok for pedophyles to molest and touch the children if they are gentle? children never want this to happen but molesters trick them into thinking that it's ok. once molested, a person is scarred for life and needs therapy. it often leads to depression, sometimes even suicide. not to mention that a lot of the times molested children grow up into molesters themself. and no, it's not a coincidence, stop fooling yourself.

are you a child molester?

oh and btw. yes, a person that was molested can grow up into a normal person, but therapy is necesarry. or else they either become molesters themselves or they continue to play the role of a victim in every relationship.

No, I really doubt it. If you need to reach that far back to explain something you are overlooking the obvious. Take an inventory of your life, your choices, your life situation today and in that you will most likely find the solution to your problem. It's lazy to blame things like that on issues that are most likely more current. Don't make the mistake of labeling yourself as a victim. Than negative self image carries with it far more harm than any trauma you experienced as a child.

Get some weed. Get high, spend a day (or a weekend) really examining what you feel about what was done to you.

When we face our fears, we destroy their power over us. The weed is just to relax your mind, and allow it to wander into places you have spent years trying to keep it from going. Alcohol works for some, but weed seems to be the most effective for the broadest range of people.

That is the most honest advice I can give you.

When it's over, you'll know whether or not this is causing your hangups.

the guy that runs the punk site was never molested either. i think he has lots of problems.