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Coming to terms to being a life-long bachelor
I'm a 29 year-old male and I have never had a girlfriend... ever.
I have had very close female friends in the past and they seem to like my companionship and they think I'm a good listener and generally nice and sweet but the first time I confessed my love to a girl, she ended up going out with my close friend and the second time round I confessed to this other girl, she rejected me. I worked hard for the next 3 years or so being nice and not coming on too fast, then she met this dude and within a few months they were going out.
I have then come to the conclusion that for a long time I've always thought that as long as I'm nice, kind and caring and persistent, I will meet the right woman one day, but I don't think so anymore. Why is it so complicating to understand how a woman thinks and feels? Why do hard work and sincerity never pay off?
I've lost so much faith that I'm starting to think that women like me... but they will never want me. Over the past two years, I've worried that there might be something wrong with me, but now I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I try, I will always be a friend to a lady and never the special one.
Strangely enough, coming to terms with possibly being a bachelor for the rest of my life doesn't me feel sad and bitter, I was just resigned to the fact that some guys like me are just unlucky. Is this feeling even normal? Aren't I supposed to be pissed off and stuff? Even getting really desperate is the more normal reaction to something like this. Dang, am I even normal? Thanks for listening.
I have had very close female friends in the past and they seem to like my companionship and they think I'm a good listener and generally nice and sweet but the first time I confessed my love to a girl, she ended up going out with my close friend and the second time round I confessed to this other girl, she rejected me. I worked hard for the next 3 years or so being nice and not coming on too fast, then she met this dude and within a few months they were going out.
I have then come to the conclusion that for a long time I've always thought that as long as I'm nice, kind and caring and persistent, I will meet the right woman one day, but I don't think so anymore. Why is it so complicating to understand how a woman thinks and feels? Why do hard work and sincerity never pay off?
I've lost so much faith that I'm starting to think that women like me... but they will never want me. Over the past two years, I've worried that there might be something wrong with me, but now I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I try, I will always be a friend to a lady and never the special one.
Strangely enough, coming to terms with possibly being a bachelor for the rest of my life doesn't me feel sad and bitter, I was just resigned to the fact that some guys like me are just unlucky. Is this feeling even normal? Aren't I supposed to be pissed off and stuff? Even getting really desperate is the more normal reaction to something like this. Dang, am I even normal? Thanks for listening.
Do you think it's normal?
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I think your attachment to your girl friends just makes it more difficult for you to find love. It sounds crass, but fish in a bigger pond and you'll have better luck finding someone to love that will love you back. Hope I helped :)
Secondly, you are only 29 & may have just or also had bad luck So you are bummed about it. Time to man up.
Third - do what the others say. Get out and network.
In your 30's you will have an upper hand.
There is a huge single-man shortage in that age range.
I wish to god I had been single in my 30's!
The amount of available women (mostly through divorce and failed relationships with low-quality men) leaves a huge number of women single at a time in life when they absolutely do not want to be single. Their desperation is real. I am sure you are aware of "the biological clock" that they battle with. This is what drives their desperation. Even if they don't want children, they want to find companionship before their looks fail them in the sense that the younger women around them will soak up all of the men.
Men have no such biological clock, so you are hugely advantaged here.
My single buddies had ( and still have ) an absolute field day dating gorgeous women that they would have had no change with at a younger age. For most, their only goal is not to get hitched as they love the variety that they get to sample.
Your time is arriving, my friend.
One piece of advice. Do NOT shack up with the first woman you land. The fact that you have a girlfriend will make you even more desirable to others. I know 5 or 6 women in their late 30's who would classify as an 8 or on a 10 scale who cannot even get simple dates because every man they meet is married!
i got a crush on a senior girl in my collg - she's in 3rd yr same stream same program,for the last one yr
but only thing close to have conversation i
've done - handed out a lovely rose in the freshers' party
never had the guts or nuts to tell her and introduce myself to her
now i want to,but i don't see her in collg anymore
dunno where she's hiding , or is being hidden by my bad luck
If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. I also am 29, male and never had a real serious relationship. I "dated" someone for three months, but we were on different coasts and saw each other twice. So, yeah...not really.
Have you seen the movie, "Good Luck Chuck" with Dane Cook? After watching that it was like, "Oh my God, I'm Chuck!" 'Cept I didn't get to sleep with women, I just would take them on a date or two, they'd say, they were too busy/too much going on in life/not ready for a relationship, and two months later be dating some other dude and six months later be engaged. I've lost count of how many times this happened to me so BELIEVE ME...I feel ya.
I think there's a lot of good advice people have posted for us. I'm just getting used to the idea of doing more and more things on my own and enjoying my own company. I'm surrounded by many married buddies who have to report back to their girlfriends or wives on any decision and there are a lot of restrictions that people like you and I don't have to worry about. We're free to do whatever. And from all the venting my guy friends have done about their significant other, frankly it's scared the piss out of me in wanting to get involved at the moment.
I've always been the friendly, kind considerate, "cute little boy" type that women tend to vent about their boyfriends to and a shoulder to cry on, and I always thought women wanted a guy who would treat them right and appreciate them. And I was burned time after time with this method because all my female friends went after the guys who I could have told the women were total jerks.
I think confidence is a big factor, which, by being able to get comfortable in being yourself, I think this will improve (it's what I'm trying anyway. ;) )
Also entering our thirties will bring a little more options, as in the women who dated the jerks in their twenties and have figured out those guys aren't in it for the "long haul". Just beware of the biological clock syndrome and make sure if things develop, they do so because you love one another and not because of an overwhelming desire to bring human life into the world.
And also, you'll never attract women by sitting at home watching television and being a hermit. Make sure you are making the effort to get out there and meet women.
(This of course all comes from first hand experience and things I'm challenging myself to do as well.)
Best of luck to you.
...I'm 37 and have never had a girlfriend. The difference between you & me is that you're trying too hard...you want it too much. I don't. Put it this way: Ever heard the Meat Loaf song "I'd Do Anything For Love"? At least in my case, I wouldn't do anything for love. I've just never wanted it enough. It's irrelevant to me. While I have female "just friends", that's all they are.
This frees up my time & energy to live my life on my own terms. Instead of moping around about "How can I get a girl to want me?", enjoy the freedom, the liberation, & the independence. If some things aren't meant to be, other things are. Don't sweat it, just live your life as you see fit...legally, of course.
Thanks for the post, I didn't expect posters to wanna hear back from the original poster, but anyway...
I am a much happier man today although I am still single. I have made some really close friends at work and now I spend a lot of time hanging out with these people and some old friends from university too. I'm really getting into rugby and cricket too and I am joining clubs and meeting new people.
Admittedly, I still wake up occasionally thinking "Dude, I've never had a girlfriend in my life..." and it's stil hard coming to terms with it, but when it comes to dating, my philosophy has certainly changed. There have been very good posts up here and although it is very late, I realise now that I can no longer live life with regrets and that I should just take the risk and see what happens next if I meet someone I like. But in the meantime, there isn't anyone yet I'm interested in.
Besides, I do see the point about freedom. I can do whatever I like and I don't have to answer to anyone. This could be one of those the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side things. For now, I want to enjoy life and the next time I meet someone I like, I'm just gonna go for it. No regrets...