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Confused--Morality Post
Lately I've decided to stop caring about things that are completely out of my control. I'm sick of feeling empathy and feeling like crap, trying to be a good person. Especially when it feels akin to struggling against wave after wave.
I thought to myself that if I could focus on detaching myself from these emotions, it would work. To my surprise, it's started to. I feel less empathy now, and I feel more empty. And what's more is I get a grim satisfaction out of it. I'm unable to do certain things, think certain things, say certain things now without feeling a stab of empathy and thinking myself a bad person.
I only wish I was more able to completely smother my sense of empathy and not worry about such things.
Then, periodically between these feelings I do empathy for a short while. I can't help it, it's the one sense of emotion I can't seem to bury. All of the things rush back to me and I can't help but feel sympathy for the problems people have in this world. My neighbor supporting an ailing relative and trying to pay the medical bills out of the kindness of his heart while going bankrupt from it. Seeing the videos on corporate farming and seeing how the animals are treated. Parents I know, who I also know don't take care of their children like they should. Much less the starving, stray pets I see periodically that I know I can't feed and take care of.
While I try my damndest to swallow the empathy and be cold and calcuating 24/7, it's these irregular frequencies of empathy that ruin it for me.
I find myself wishing, also, that I was sociopathic and could just not feel any of this at all.
There are other times, like in the waves of empathy I sometimes experience, that I feel the desire to completely turn myself around and be a conscious and moral person--to the highest of my ability in everyday life.
I thought to myself that if I could focus on detaching myself from these emotions, it would work. To my surprise, it's started to. I feel less empathy now, and I feel more empty. And what's more is I get a grim satisfaction out of it. I'm unable to do certain things, think certain things, say certain things now without feeling a stab of empathy and thinking myself a bad person.
I only wish I was more able to completely smother my sense of empathy and not worry about such things.
Then, periodically between these feelings I do empathy for a short while. I can't help it, it's the one sense of emotion I can't seem to bury. All of the things rush back to me and I can't help but feel sympathy for the problems people have in this world. My neighbor supporting an ailing relative and trying to pay the medical bills out of the kindness of his heart while going bankrupt from it. Seeing the videos on corporate farming and seeing how the animals are treated. Parents I know, who I also know don't take care of their children like they should. Much less the starving, stray pets I see periodically that I know I can't feed and take care of.
While I try my damndest to swallow the empathy and be cold and calcuating 24/7, it's these irregular frequencies of empathy that ruin it for me.
I find myself wishing, also, that I was sociopathic and could just not feel any of this at all.
There are other times, like in the waves of empathy I sometimes experience, that I feel the desire to completely turn myself around and be a conscious and moral person--to the highest of my ability in everyday life.
Do you think it's normal?
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Don't try to emotionally detatch yourself. That only supresses the goodness that is your blessing and your curse. You need to instead work on accepting your limitations while at the same time being the best person you can be.
Its not your responsibility to make the world right. Its not your fault that there is suffering. The only thing you can do is keep being a good person and occasionally going out of your way to do good, even if it is just smiling at a neglected kid or feeding a homeless cat.
oh, sorry i thort we were playn "who can say the most irreliavant shite."
The people that dont feel empathy at all are normally psyco killers, and that is no joke.
Instead of trying to eliminate it, try to understand it, there are things which just vanish in the light of awareness.