Are You Normal?

Ask your question today!

Cuddling -- do I want too much?
Favorited (undo)
91% Normal

I'm in a pretty new relationship with a fellow who is telling me I need too much affection. I like to cuddle at night -- even for a few minutes before we fall asleep would be nice -- but he's a light sleeper and says that interferes with his sleep. He's often OK with me touching his shoulder or arm, but I feel like that's just a little taste of what I need. He thinks I should be in therapy to figure out why I want so much cuddling. I just want that big warm, all-embracing hug for a little while each day or night, cuddles that don't have anything to do with sex. Sure, I'd love all night cuddles but even 5 minutes a night would help a lot. Am I asking too much?

This morning I awoke and just couldn't sleep -- seeing him cuddle pillows instead of me was just too difficult to take, so I got up. When he got up, he was upset because he hadn't been able to get back to sleep after I got up and would be tired all day, and that I just wasn't trying to live with less cuddling than I'd like. He later apologized, but it's a problem. Am I normal for wanting lots of cuddles??
Is It Normal?
Next >>
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks! [Report] [Best Of] [Vulgar] [Funny] [Fake] [Weird] [Interesting]
Comments (13)
what a jackass. shoot him.
Comment Hidden (show)
i want to be cuddled right now...i feel lonely..
Comment Hidden (show)
i like to be wrapped up in someones arms as i fall asleep, i totally understand u
Comment Hidden (show)
I absolutely love cuddling. I like it more than sex. My boyfriend likes cuddling but usually he gets the wrong idea and he gets a little grabby. He doesn't want to gave sex yet though. But I don't think you're being needy at all. If you like to be cuddled then he should respect you enough and love you enough to fufill that want.
Comment Hidden (show)
i am a woman who also feels the way you do. touch is so important. some people were reared without it growing up and therefore feel uncomfortable with it. my boyfriend is that way. i feel deprived a lot. he has warmed up some over the years because i just keep giving him quick hugs or kisses in an attempt to try to get him to be more cuddly. it works OK, but there is still not enough touching and cuddling for me. my parents were very loving and gave me lots of hugs and affection. it is a shame when kids do not get this, and it is hard for those kids to ever feel really comfortable with touching. my guy and i have good sex, but he is not really into cuddling if it doesn't lead to that. i am not sure how long i will stay with him, as there are other problems. your man may have other problems too,such as attachment problems that are related to his discomfort with touching and intimacy. don't get stuck with a person who doesn't care about your needs. i am also exploring the question of why i have so often allowed relationships with men who do not meet my needs. is it a challenge to try to get affection from those unwilling to give it, or what? do we think we don't really deserve it deep down? these are questions worth thinking about.
Comment Hidden (show)
Quid pro quo.
Give him a bj...
THEN cuddle with him.
He won't ever complain about cuddling again.
Guaranteed solution.
Comment Hidden (show)
Aww, i feel sorry for you, but i think Moi is right and he just isnt the cuddling say you are in a new relationship but you seem to be living together and he doesnt sound like he treats you all that well. maybe you should have a serious talk with him and make him understand this is a big problem for you. I think its normal i love cuddles :D
Comment Hidden (show)
Its not always easy to answer a question like this from a brief story when you don't know what's really behind it. Before I got here you already had two comments that took either end of the range of possibilities. I'll take the middle.

Sometimes people feel needy because they have low self-esteem, and want their lovers to fill them up with sex or cuddles. But on the other hand sometimes people are too insensitive about their lovers natural need for closeness and security.

If you find that no matter how much he gives you want more, or if you always find yourself interpreting his actions, such as hugging the pillow instead of you, or not giving what you've clearly hinted you want, then you may be too needy. These are signs that more than just wanting more cuddling that he wants, you just want and want like a bottomless pit.

On the other hand, if you've had good relationships before and have never found this sense of want to be a problem. If you just want something that you are satasfied when you get, then maybe its him.

Some guys like to cuddle more than others. Some girls think their guys longing for togetherness is too needy and clingy.
Comment Hidden (show)
I have heard from numerous sources that a woman needs at least 12 meaningful touches a day. Cuddling certainly is one of those meaningful touches. I am male / married and my wife has told me that my hugs and cuddling to her sometimes are better than sex. I also like hugs and especially cuddling.

We have a similar situation with cuddling whilst going to sleep. Although I am not a light sleeper I also cannot "fall asleep" in the cuddling position, although she would like this to happen. We usually cuddle in bed for a few minutes before I turn over to go to sleep; this usually works. Perhaps you might want to head to bed about 15 minutes earlier than usual and allow this time for cuddling.

You might want to find a book regarding the affectionate needs of a woman; I would not have known about the need for 12 meaningful touches if I had not heard / read about it. Guys sometimes need to be educated to the needs of a woman; usually guys just assume that both needs are identical and that is usually not the case.
Comment Hidden (show)
Don't worry, some people like cuddles more than others, and that's just normal. What I would worry about though, is whether he's fair on you to be so insistent on having things his way, you should both find a compromise instead!
Comment Hidden (show)
So he's not the cuddlely type, don't smother him.
Comment Hidden (show)
Sounds like you may be kind of needy. While I like a good cuddle sometimes, everyday too, you sound like a moth trying to get inside a lightbulb. Stop thinking with your feelings. People in the "modern world" have aborted their rational brains in favor of an insatiable stupidity called emotion. Sometimes you have to suck it up and stop being a tool.

I had a gf once that tried to cuddle all the time. Trust me, cuddling a pillow is more comfortable for a number of reasons. First, it doesn't weigh as much and you can squeeze it and toss it around. It's not boney either. I doubt you would appreciate your bf tossing you around when it became uncomfortable sleeping in that position. Second, "spooning" which is generally cuddling in bed, is awkward. What the hell do you do with your other hand if you're the guy in back?? It's very uncomfortable to sleep in that position. I had trouble sleeping with that gf of mine because she had to "cuddle" all the time. I would always end up tired the next day (plus she would take up my valuable sleeping space, not much on my bed as it isn't meant for couples). She was always trying to smooch me too. It's like, let me breathe, woman! Human touch is very necessary, even between friends and acquaitences, and we do live in a homophobic, anti-touch society (USA anyway), but let's not misplace that lack of touch and burden some bf with it.

Also of note is that couples tend to cuddle more in the beginning and less over the years (say, 10 years into marriage over newly weds). This is attributed to the increase in maturity and security; each person is comfortable with the other, and doesn't need to "reaffirm" every 5 minutes.
Comment Hidden (show)
now i want to cuddle with someone...
Comment Hidden (show)

Sorry, you need to be signed in to comment.

Click here to sign in or register.