I am an 18 year old girl, and have lived at home for most of my life. I am the only girl in our family, and the youngest,, and my mom has always adored me. When I was little, I was always a mommy's girl, but now it kind of bugs me. Like she won't let me leave home/board at college, etc. because she says, "what would I ever do without you?" And gets all misty eyed. Also, she doesn't get along well at all with my dad, so she tells me all her problems and secrets...not him. She is constantly texting me all day, to see if I'm okay, and if I don't answer within half an hour, she freaks out and thinks I've been killed or something. This is the worst when I am on a date, and the phone keeps buzzing, and I have to either ignore my date and text her back, or I know she will call up all worried. I want to leave home and be independent so much, but whenever I mention moving out she gets tears in her eyes, or says I should wait until she dies, or that I can't move out until I get married. Is this normal? Help!
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You cannot live your whole life in order to please your mother. Mine is 73 and 22 years when I got married my dad took me to one side and said, "Thank God you're getting out! Your mom had chosen you to be the one to stay here with us to look after her in her old age." Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! That's all I would've needed - no family of my own, although she had that luxury! No thanks, mom!!
I need you to get this phrase into your head for you to repeat to her every time you go out .....
" Don't worry Mom, Trouble always finds your door!!"
What this means is that if you're on a date and killed, the police will be at her door in 5 minutes flat! She won't need to check up on you so much.
What you also need to do is either leave your phone at home, or tell her you can't find it as you leave the house!! What did we do without them? Easy - we enjoyed our freetime. She will realise that when she can't get in touch with you, you are not dead! Borrow a phone to call a taxi or whatever you need, everyone else has one so you don't need yours on a date.
Do not be a slave to her whims. I am a mom and I know it's hard to let go AND it's hard for you to hurt her, so start gently with a few of the above. Eventually, you could go and stay with a friend for the weekend ~(without your phone) she is hardly going to call your friend's parents every 15 minutes without seeming like a lunatic!!
Lose the cell phone obsession - especially around her!! Pretend you don't care where it is anymore, and don't answer texts at once to friends, and don't take it everywhere with you. She must learn that you don't always have it super-glued to your person. If she thinks you have, then she expects to get in touch with you.
It's up to you but I would cut the ties slowly but surely.
It will be hard to pretend I don't have a cellphone obsession. These days everyone is glued to their smartphone. But worth a try!
I find it hard to tell my own mother to give me a break so I know where you're coming from.
You only have to pretend in front of her not to care about your phone :o) but show you are responsible by always getting a taxi home etc. You need to prove that she has no need to worry coz you are a responsible adult and know how to behave (Yeah right ;D)
Good luck.