Are You Normal?

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Don't have many friends
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Hi, I'm a 21-year-old girl. I'm attractive and not socially-inept (though a little socially-awkward, much less than I was when I was younger, but I still have a hard time feeling at ease with people I haven't really had a chance to really TALK to.), and I'm well-liked by everyone. But it is on a very rare occassion that I've been able to make any real connection with a person enough to call them more than just a casual aquantaince. Not so much a problem with guys, but you can never have the same type of friendship you get with another girl. Plus unfortunately, the guys that could've become better friends usually hit on me, making things awkward (I have a boyfriend). Or I have a connection with these guys but when they find out I have a boyfriend they don't talk to me as much. Figures..

Anyways, it hasn't helped that I've moved around a bit in the past few years, I've only got 3 real friends who are girls who I don't even get to talk to that often anymore, one is in an entirely different city. I've known 2 of them for over 5 years. Is it weird that I'm such a loner? I'm the type that needs my own space and can go days without feeling the need to talk to anyone, but I do get lonely sometimes, and I wish I could relate to other girls like I can with guys.

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Comments (70)
i know exactly how you feel, i often feel lonely and in need of companionship and intimate close connections with other people (boys and girls) but at the same time i like to be on my own, and feel very uncomfortable and tense around people sometimes, like i cant be myself...do you ever get like that? its like im struggling to establish who i really am, what im like as a person etc
im 22 and feel so confused about my personality- i get days where i want to go out and socialise with people, but when i do go out i feel introverted and closed, and unable to show people what im really like, and i can go for days on end where i just want to be on my own and am quite content with my own company. im soo confused!! glad im not the only one who feels like this
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I read your post and could have sworn that I had written it! I feel the exact same way... I have a few old friends with whom I am close, but now, even when I meet people I become friendly with, there is no rea connection.
I very often would prefer to keep to myself, but then I force myself to be social because I "know I should" (and then-- and maybe it's just me-- but I think about getting married, and how I HAVE to make more friends so there are a lot of people at my wedding... is that crazy??)
I try so hard to find that connection with people, but unless I am w/either one of the aforementioned old friends or my boyfriend, I feel like I am just going through the motions, hardly listening, providing rote responses in conversation, and just itching to get away.
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Rachel123az.. This is pretty funny, I can't believe you thought about it too. The wedding I mean :) I had the same thoughts too, even though I am far from planning any weddings at this point in my life. I just had this thought.. Who would I be able to invite?? No one.
The post is great actually. I think that all the people here have a lot in common. And that they were surprised and at least a little bit relieved when they saw that they're not the only ones feeling this way. We are much more numerous than we could have thought. I also think that... a lot of how we feel has to do with the social pressure and not the actual need to have "friends". At least I can say that for myself. I work in the hotel and restaurant business and enjoy working with many people. Meeting/talking/socializing. It's not hard, it's not awkward. Yet I almost never connect with girls, often connect with guys but who rarely want to stay at the friendship level, and basically have only one person I truly care about and need and that's my boyfriend. Other than that I enjoy my own company and can stay without people for a very long time. Won't lie if I say that I never really need people. Yet I often feel awkward and weird for not being surrounded by lots of "friends", "having fun". Because I constantly see this around me and somehow it still makes me feel like I'm left out and somewhere around me the actual life is happening. I try to do that. And I end up bored and tired of people very quickly. Uninteresting predictable conversations, not much understanding. I don't miss people. What makes me sad sometimes is the lack of interesting conversations and fresh new ideas from people. A lot of superficial, not much real. I enjoy meeting ineteresting people. A lot. Unfortunately it doesn't happen very often.
So I guess it's important to understand, do you actually need company or do you feel like you need one just because people around you make you believe that. And if you don't need to be surrounded by numerous friends then learn to feel in peace with who you are, calm and not pressured to get this useless crowd around you. That's my opinion. And as for me I am still working on my inner peace.

It is very nice to read all of you guys.
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I think about my wedding day aswell and how no-one is going to turn up cos I don't really have many friends. I have three best friends;one has moved away to a different city, one hardly makes an effort with me any more and the other one i am in regular contact with. Apart from that I don't really have anyone that i'm close to, especially in regards to other girls. Friendships are very clicky these days which makes me sad.
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Rachel you're not crazy, or maybe we're both crazy... but I have the EXACT SAME thought. What are his family going to think of me when I have maybe 4 or 5 guests, mostly family, as my guests for the wedding? Will I end up inviting co-workers and acquaintances I don't know very well, the next door neighbours, the mailman, just to fill up the space? XD
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YEAH IM THINKING ABOUT THAT TOO! about the marrying thing! omg! i always see that picture in my mind! that what if i get married, and people will notice i dont have any real good friends?? omg we should be friends haha
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Personality problems? Tell me about it I though things were going to change as I got older but nope I am 23 and still have the same problems ... is only getting worst I think this might be the reason why my own sister is not even interested in talking to me anymore well as a matter of fact I don't even have a good relationship with my family besides It might also be that we are a dysfunctional family and we ll are very different in character and personality..
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Im also glad im not alone. The same applies to me. I'm 23 and I sometimes feel like I dont have a clear opinion of my own, and I will then feel like im not myself. And definitely the same when I go out and meet people, but I feel introverted and feel I wanna get away and be alone again. Why is that? I have common friends here and there, but I dont feel a real good connection with them. I miss that good connection. I have tried several times in my life to be very close with a friend, but then they backstab me. Maybe thats why i have problems trusting people. But also I 'm not meeting anyone who had the same interests as me, or are like me as a person. Anyway i think we should just let it go and concentrate on being happy, the friends will then appear by itself out of corners you didnt expect. at least thats what Ive been reading everywhere.
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Don’t ever worry if you think you don’t have enough friends. It’s no reflection on you, it just means you haven’t met the right people you click with. It may also mean that you have a lot more going on in your head than most people. Too many people in this life are dull, & because there are so many dull people, they find it easy to make friends because they are all so similar. So if you are having difficulty making friends, you shouldn’t think badly of yourself. I’m 36 & I still don’t feel like I have many friends or fit in, & although I’m pretty sociable I feel alone a lot of the time. But as you get older, you realise that it’s important to have friends who are true friends & not friends for the sake of it. Always be true to yourself. If people don’t like you, it’s their problem.
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From childhood , i never had a close friend and i have always been lonely. The friends i had always betrayed me and recently i thought i got a friend and she use to say that she likes me a lot and on and on but i could feel the inner thing in her. All she cares about is herself and her boy friend. I just want a friend who thinks about me too. I dont know what to do. But i always use to dream of having a gang who use to have a great time going out and understanding each other but i dont have even a single friend like that. If i succeed in anything i cud sense jealousy in the people around me. I wish i get a good friend....
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@: Water
I daydream about having a group of good friends who just hang out and have lots of fun together, too.
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Whoever you are, your situation is completely identical to mine. God I feel so much better reading everyone say the same things!
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hey! i'm a 20 y/o female, and i know exactly how you feel. i'm a junior in college right now, and i often grab food from the dining hall and eat it by myself in my room. although i have 2 pretty good friends here, still i worry that i'll become boring and they'll move onto someone else and i'll be left with no friends! i find it very difficult and uncomfortable to just strike up a conversation with a stranger, or even participate in class. my voice shakes and i feel nervous all the time. i'm very close to my mom and talk to her on the phone multiple times a day. i feel very abnormal for a 20 year old who lives at college, i would rather spend time by myself or with my mom than most of my peers. on the weekend sometimes i have plans, but i'm perfectly comfortable watching a movie by myself in my room. it makes me feel like a reject! it's comforting to know there are others like me, and i'd like to get your guys' SN so we can chat! it's about time i found someone else like me!! : )
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story of my life
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OMG...i am so happy i read this, you have no idea. I am in the EXACT situation, it was almost crazy to read someone else saying all of that. And it is good to hear other ppl are like me when it comes to this. For the most part I am alright with it but then there are some days where it kinda sux. I am 21 also and have a few good friends but some of them live far away or go to school far away and I haven't made any real friendships in school. I am friends with kids in school but it never leads to anything outside of that. I have been told that I look like I dont want to talk to ppl but I think im just uncomfortable sometimes when it comes to meeting new people. I have had some bad "falling outs" with friends in the past and trust has become a huge issue so to become good friends takes a lot for me. I am not this ridiculous partier who needs to drink thursday through saturday, I am a chill person who can stay in and watch a movie but I do like going out to bars and having a good time sometimes. I htink its hard to find someone who is also like that, who doesnt constantly have to be partying. Sometimes I just wish I could find someone like me but it does suck sometimes. I feel like im a weird loner but I know I have to work on it. I wish we all lived int he same place haha that way maybe we could talk to e/o since we know we are all in the same boat.

Does anyone else ever feel stupid when ppl ask you what you are going to do or how your weekend went when you know u did nothing? thats when I hate it the most...
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Omigosh, I'm 21 years old, and I feel the exact same way. I had to take a step back when I read everyone's post--I couldn't believe someone could be SO MUCH like me! I actually cried a little bit when I started reading lol.

I don't have many friends; more like "close" acquaintances, and I only truly have 3 best friends... and I'm only in regular contact with one.

In high school I always felt lonely and left out. Where I came from we had a graduating class of THIRTEEN, so you'd think I'd be close friends with at least half of them. Well... I wasn't. I was never invited to parties or even just to hang out...

I'm told I'm attractive, and I do think I'm a pretty outgoing, laid-back person. I can be shy at first, but I do make an effort to be friendly and connect with people. I hate it when you get those silly pictures in Facebook that asks you to "tag" all your friends (and there's like, spots), and I only have 3... even when I WANT to do something fun like that, I can never do so, because I don't have enough friends to joke around with like that.

I'm okay with spending days just by myself, but I do get lonely sometimes... :( Sometimes I feel like partying, too, but I can never go because I don't have friends to go out with.

Once, I got into a fight with my mum and she made fun of me for not having any friends. Another time, I was telling a "friend" (we don't really hang out) a funny story of my first parking ticket with another "friend" (aka an acquaintance), and he exclaimed, "I didn't know you have friends!" I know he was probably joking and I laughed, but deep down inside, I was sad because it was true.

I get lonely when I see other people on Facebook surrounded by a ton of friends or planning weekend road trips or just having an awesome, fun weekend. My weekends are usually spent watching a movie by myself or playing with my dog...

I'm so glad there are others like me, I don't feel so depressed anymore. I wish we all lived close to each other, we can hang out. :)
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Im also not depressed anymore. really wish we all lived in the same place :)
thanks for your post.
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yep, and I'll be like... um yeah, I don't like to plan my weekends..

lately though I've just said straight up: I'm just going to do whatever I like. I really like having the freedom to do my own thing, though some Saturday nights I sometimes wonder what I'm missing out on.
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I hate it when people ask em what i've been up to or going to be up to. It's like yea the same old sit around and do nothing.
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quality, not quantity.
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I'm exactly the same way. I was just googling, trying to find out if I'm weird because I don't have many friends. I feel SO much better now.

And I ALWAYS think that about my wedding! I think I'd be better off just getting eloped or something, that way I don't have to stress about having nobody come to my wedding...
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I'm like that too. I've been self loathing because I don't have a lot of friends and I'm very lonely to be honest. I see other people who seem to always have someone to hang out with every weekend, someone to be around during the holidays, or have someone whose shoulder they can cry on. My social skills aren't exactly good so to speak. It really sucks because I graduated college a few months ago and a lot of the people I knew have pretty much cut off ties with people who have had a hard time finding a job (apparently they're losers in their eyes). As if finding one is that easy! I'd be a lot more willing to be extroverted if people didn't measure other people's worth by how much money they have or the prestige of their job. Honestly, I CRAVE social interaction. I'm just afraid to put myself out there for fear of being rejected and mocked for not "measuring up." I get along much better with people who are decades older than me. People my age are either self-absorbed or want to one-up each other all the time.
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@: vivur
@vivur(37452)

I'm in the same situation. I just graduated from college studying and interning in the entertainment industry. I lived by myself the last 6 months of college and loved it, but now that I am out of school, all of my friends are getting jobs or are still in school and none of them I really hang out with anymore. Part of it is that I have friends in different groups and I also work random jobs to pay my bills while I job hunt, but some of the friends I thought were good friends, go out in groups and never invite me. It kind of sucks because most of my really good friends moved or live in different locations. I am looking to relocate to another city in the industry, but it is hard being in the transition of graduating and finding a job. I don't mean this to be rude about the people in the entertainment industry, but there really are a lot of stuffy people in this industry, and there are some that aren't, but I just happen to be in an odd place of my life right now where I have to depend on people to help me network for a job, and the fact that I feel lonely a lot doesn't help me feel much better. I've never had problems making 'real' friends, but since most of these good friends have moved, or are out of the city, it's hard to start fresh, or to hope I get a job soon, because that is so hard to predict as well. I'm trying to stay positive about everything in my future, and I really am a kind balanced introvert and extroverted person. i feel like i respect everyone I meet, am kind and a hard-worker at whatever I do. I've really never given a good reason for people not to lock me or to invite me to socials, but I sure do wish I get through this transition soon.
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I feel the same way as everyone here! This really has made me feel better!

I'm a 20 yr old college student and i have struggled for a long time to make good friends. I'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and he is pretty much the only person I have hung out with for the last 3 months. Now he went on a trip for 2 months to Wyoming! I feel so alone. I truly want to have friends. I feel like I'm nice and friendly and talkative, but I never really make a connection with someone to where they want to hang out with me regularly. I wish I could figure out what I'm doing wrong. I can be shy sometimes but I know I'm an alright person!
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Can totally relate to everything you just said.
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I too am glad I found this. (: I'm in the same situation as you, OP, but I am in high school.
I'm not horrible socially, but I do feel very uncomfortable and awkward sometimes. I often feel like I'm being judged by everyone, and I constantly worry about how others perceive me. I know its a wrong way to think, but its become such a habit I can't stop. This prevents me from being myself around people.
I transferred this year into a large high school, with 2,000 kids, from a super small one where I had known everyone in my grade from when I was in preschool. I felt super comfortable around all of them, even though my personality was always shy. Coming to this new school really didn't help me.
I do have friends, however. One, my best friend, who will probably be forever, is still at my old school. I feel most comfortable around her. I have cousins that I also consider best friends of mine, because we are so close. At this new school, I have a couple pretty good friends, and acquaintances who I don't really talk to outside of school.
Like you, I have a lot of friends who are guys. I know that a lot of them like me, but I'm pretty sure some of them don't.
I get really discouraged when I hang out with friends, and they see people they know EVERYWHERE. They just have to say hey, give them a hug, and act real sociable, and I just stand there wishing I could do that.
Not to sound stuck-up, but I get complemented a lot with my looks and guys often hit on me. My confidence should be high, yet it is so low.. I blush constantly and I feel like everyone is better than me.
*sigh* I'm hoping I can get better at conversing with people; I'm getting close to having to be on my own and I'm starting to think I'll have a hard time with life if I can't socialize properly.
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Wow, 2005-2010. Keep the comments coming if you're experiencing the same thing!

I'm a 24 year old male. I just have one friend, who I don't talk to daily, just once in a while. Solitude is something that I enjoy, since I'm introverted, but I sometimes do wish to have close friends that I can confide in.

I seriously have no enemies. I'm liked by alot of people I know, alot of acquaintances, but I have no deep connections with any of them. I go eat by myself in restaurants (usually take home), go watch movies by myself often, even go hiking alone sometimes.

These days, I'm less shy than I was before, and I've gained confidence to even strike up small conversations with strangers. I still haven't made any close friends yet that I am able to confide in, but something that has helped me meet more people is just being kind and courteous and trying to meet people that come from all walks of life, and really taking the initiative to start deep conversations instead of waiting for them to happen.

I wish everyone luck in finding close friends. Even though we are introverts and we gain energy from spending time alone, we can never deny the fact that humans are social creatures and we need other people...but not just any person. We need close friends with whom we have deep relationships with, friends that we can confide in because sharing our lives and experiences with other people is so important for our health and well-being.
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I agree with Lilyfrost. Seriously, you sound like myself in a year or two, mainly because I'm about a month short of being 20. The only difference is that I am constantly online and watching tv. Instead of two way conversation, I'm watching someone else's monologue, but I feel ok because there's still other people in the world. I'm not too interested in talking with them, but they need to be there. Without anything resembling human contact, I become rather unmoored, floating loose of reality. Have you ever seen or read Slaughterhouse 5? Yeah... I'm on Aim as well, as raukowen. And even if the idiots spam me, I already get crap on there, and I don't use the aol email.
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Well, I can say you are more normal than me. I have no friends at all. The last time I had friends was in high school two years ago. I don't talk to anyone in college. All I do everyday is watch tv go on the internet and do schoolwork. The only person I talk to is my mom and I only see her in the morning and on weekends because she works. I never really spent time with my friends outside of school when I had some though, only at school did I laugh and talk with them. Those were better days. I'm probably more socially awkward then you. Sometimes, but not all the times my mouth shakes when I speak to someone even with my sisters that I rarely see; they're away at college too. I've gone these past two years without really socializing with anyone where I've laughed and just enjoyed their company. Never have been a big talker actually throughout my life, only to those really good friends of years ago, and of course my mom. As a kid everyone always told me I was quiet, or asked me why I don't talk. I just didn't. They actually tried to help me in the fifth grade by giving me some kind of counseling, I don't know.
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my mouth shakes sometimes too...
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Well you are exactly the same as me except that I am a guy and I am straight if thats required . Well to start with I have only two very good friends and that they r my school mates and now they r in a different city , but after my school days I got many friends in college , at first I thought they will be their with me always but as I passed my college these friends completely changed , some try to be superior than me , and had competitive thoughts in their minds , In this way I didnt had true friend apart from my school friends . I never hurt anyone's feelings , always like to be happy and make others happy but still these things happen , I think today everyone is so selfish that they dont like the intimacy of true friendship .Though I like to spend most of the time with myself I dont like too much showy friendship I am the only true friend of myself , but sometimes when I feel lonely and these things creep into my mind , but yes I am really happy to know that I am not the only one
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I know what you mean I've had this problem for too long and it's hard to accept it's just who I am. Tonight's my birthday dinner and I don't have the will to go because most of my "friends" canceled. It's just depressing because it becomes harder to make friends as you get older.
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You guys have no idea how relieved I felt after reading this, I can totally sympathize with a lot of this. So I'm a 20 year old female college student in Boston. I have very few friends here and the ones I do have are mostly guys. It's kind of annoying because like many of you said, guys friends tend to either like you or hit on you. I am also very close to my mom and talk to her everyday. Nobody I know is as close to their mom as me. I always had friends in high school but many of them I've grown apart from or rarely see. I don't mind being alone or doing things by myself and I've often wondered if this is abnormal. I've definitely thought about whether I'm going to have enough girl friends to have bridesmaids ahaah and sometimes I feel uncomfortable around people, like I'm not being myself and analyzing little details like sitting/standing positions urgg crazy I know. Lately I haven't fixated on this and I've been trying to be more proactive and open minded by initiating conversation and making lunch dates etc. My advice would be to try to initiate conversation first because if you don't it slows the process down a lot and makes it very hard to meet people. Also, just trying to be open minded and having an open mind and not fixating on this. Best of luck and thanks for helping not to feel like such a wierdo :) feel free to message me (aim=CoonCat62), I would love to chat with all of you about this..luckyducky i can completely relate to almost everything you said.
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I am 27 and female, and I've had the exact same problem as most of you here. Very few friends, more difficulty with other females, anxiety with socializing, etc. I've analyzed my situation a TON over the years, have tried different therapies, and have a few ideas to offer that might get you thinking differently about your situation (which may or may not help). Ok, so it took me forever to understand why I have more difficulty interacting with females, and then it hit me that "hey, they are competitive as hell and want to stab you in the back at every chance!" Which many of you have already figured out I'm sure. So when I figured this out I would try to seek out ones that were nice and sweet and not competitive. Well, that didn't work, because it seemed that they ALL were! I thought to myself "well now how can that be?" Turns out, I'M the competitive one! I hated people who were judgmental and tried staying away from them, but it didn't work because I was just as judgmental as I thought other people were. A lot of times, the way we view other people is a reflection of how we are. It seems harsh, and we hate to think of ourselves as mean and self-centered...but everyone is in one way or another. It doesn't mean that we aren't also nice people who want and deserve nice friends in our life. We have good and bad sides (like everyone!) and it might help to pay a little more attention to the not-so-nice part of ourselves.

That is all...hope it helps or at least gets some of you to think...
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I can't believe people have been leaving comments from 2005-2010! But whats crazy is I am the exact same way as everyone else who left a comment here! =) Glad not to be alone.
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Well, I am glad I stumbled upon this today. I am a 27 year old female, and I have two close female friends from high school that I have stayed in touch with. We talk to each other online and on the phone off and on, and we attempt to get together for lunches and playdates (we all have kids) once every month/other month. Other than that, my best friend is my husband, and I only see him in the evenings after he is out of work for the day and on weekends. We email back and forth during the day, and I spend my time taking care of the kids, the dog, the house, running errands, and exercising. Well both of the kids are at school today (elementary and preschool) and I found myself wondering why my approach to friendship hasn't changed much over the years. I have acquaintances that I joke with, see almost every week, and ocassionally have a girls night with, but I have yet to really connect with any of them. There is one person I have become a good acquaintance with over the past 2 years, but she is closer friends with one of the other women at church than she is with me. Their personalities are a good match, and I like seeing them do things together. I have always been socially awkward, and that may never change. I am friendly, sociable, and in the right element I can hold my own at a social event. But I am the kind that would rather just be at home or with a few friends/family out somewhere in our small crowd. I have never had daydreams about being the star of the crowd, but I do get lonely ever once in a while when I step out of my little realm and attempt to make new friends. It is difficult to cultivate lasting friendships as an adult, because we do not go off to the same place with 2,000 people our age every day for 8 hours. I have found that I tend to become friendly with people who have already raised children and have an empty nest, as opposed to other moms who are in my situation (young children/young family). I think a lot of it has to do with women feeling so much pressure to be the best to feel of worth or value. So when I am around other women who are around my age and in a situation similar to mine, the comparisons come up at some point, and then the chance for genuine friendship kind of gets blocked for me. I don't like feeling as though my friends are in competition with me.

But in the end, I feel blessed to have those 2 close friends and a husband that I can call my best friend. My children are fantastic little people with great personalities, and that gives me 5 wonderful people who are in my life on a daily/weekly basis.
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Hey...:)

*Sigh*

Could it also have something to do with being spiritually advanced? *hear me out*

Ever since I was little I was very sensitive. I cared about insects, animals, people, feelings and everything in my path. I didn't obsess or stress over the care, but I enjoyed life and feel I nurtured my instincts by being myself.

As i got older, i became subject to social conditioning where sensitivity is a weakness - however, it's not - it's a strength.

I think that, having been a performer, i can atest to being ABLE to be 'extroverted' however my true nature and my true happy place is 'intoversion' or honestly, a place in between the two...

With all of these labels that society encompass on humanity - it can be exhausting just finding an identity for security!

The reality is that we are just a little more in touch with our inner voice and a little more okay with ourselves and our company than others. I speak generally but it's not strictly correct - of course it's not! but i do think that a vast majority of people don't trust themselves, their voice, or can enjoy their own company - it's like they need the distraction...

It's so great to read so many others posts on this topic :)

Feels like home :)

x
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Yes, it is quite normal... I am the polar opposite of you though! I'm a guy (16-20) and I get along great with girls (I am straight, if it matters). I sense that girls are alot like how you describe, they think that guys just want to date... Well, don't worry, There are guys who just are looking for friends ^_^
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@: Gyojiro
girls are easier to get along with for me.. im just not into the whole "sup", doing dap, competition thing that guys do with other guys. im straight but most of my friends are girls.

i think a friendship between a guy and a girl is the most genuine. girls are often catty and jealous of one another. they hurt each other easily, but are able to get over it. guys are more competitive, don't really care about feelings, but also get over things pretty easily. i think a guy/girl friendship is similar to a romantic relationship in terms of dynamics, without the romance. like theres a deeper connection, and an ability to be more open and not worry about social pressures (because your not attracted to each other).

about the loner thing... im pretty introverted, and am fine being by myself for a long while, but i really do love and appreciate my friends and try to hang out with them often. my issue is more about not really making new friends. im not mean or anything, but maybe a little awkward.. most of my friends i've known for years.
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Same problem! I am a 21 year old female who transferred to Temple University in Philadelphia. I go to the bars by myself because I have no friends! And I've been here for 2 semesters...why is it so hard to make friends? lol
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ps. I completely relate with luckyducky and La535
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Just saw the neighbors with friends in their living room and asked my wife why we have no friends. She said she has always been like that and always wanted friends but she's probably too fussy. I'm actually very socially active and friends with many people but in fact I only have one friend who I really enjoy being with and he lives in another country. I just can't find anyone else that I can enjoy like that.
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All of you are so young and feel the way I did so many years ago. Unfortunatley, at 46 years old I still feel alone and I dont have any friends . I'm convinced that people are self centered and dont care about building relationships unless they benefit in some way. Either you have money, connections or beauty... otherwise you have nothing to offer....alone it is.
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OMG...i thought i was the only one that felt this way. It feels good to know that I'm not alone.I am a senior in highschool about to graduate and im starting to see that i am socially awkward myself. Ive always been quiet and not say much since i was a little girl but recently found out thats just who i am ! I have like 3 close friends that i know will be my friends forever but sometimes i feel left out because they are more outgoing than i am. Sometimes i feel lonely because they are either hanging out with there other friends or always with their boyfriends. As for me i dont have a boyfriend and i have never had one. kinda embarrased about that but not really because most boys these days are something else. But anyways i find myself on the weekeneds by myself watching a movie, shows, or playing with my neices and nephews. Although i do play basketball which keeps me busy im never socially aWKARD when im around my teammate or when im at school with my friends, I just never really hangout with them outside of school. I guess because i am a introverted person. AT times i dont mind being by myself but sometimes it doe get lonely when i look on fb and my people are putting statuses of hoe AMAZING there weekend was and you see their pics of them and there tons of friends. But now i think that im starting to accept the way i am espescially (spell check lol) now that i know im not alone. I also use to think being like this i wouldnt find a boyfriend or companion but seeing yalls comments let me know thats not true. thanks And hank you everybody for your comments b/c it helped me alot !!!
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Dreamboat
Im a 19 yr old guy and I have found out that its best to either have good friends or be by yourself.Sometimes the "friends" that you think are your friends,really aren't your friends.I prefer to have a few acquaintances than a bunch of bad friends.I have found out that Mary Jane is my only true friend and am happy with her.
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Wow, I agree with almost all of these posts. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm a 20 year old student and am on summer break right now. I hated being in class because everyone else seemed to make friends so easily and I still never made any friends after the semester was up, I always think of what's wrong with me. I'm generally pretty laid back, introverted, and chill, but I'm also really funny and friendly if you get to know me. I hate it because I feel like people never give me a chance because I'm quiet at first. Plus, I never can find anyone I really want to make friends with, seems like girls my age all care about the same things. Partying, or getting high. I have about 3 girl friends that I talk to, one of them never talks to me anymore, the other one I'm kind of drifting from, and the last one I talk to more than any of them, but she works all the time. I have more guy friends than girl friends, but 2 of my guy friends live out of state. The only person I really hang out with or talk to is my boyfriend.
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Anonymous
I feel similarly. I am a guy, 40-ish, more introverted and thus happy with mimimal aquiantences. I overall prefer to be by myself most of the time, but can and do interact with others as the need arises. I find it much easier to relate to men (I'm straight /happily married). I agree with one of the earlier comments that if one makes a serious effort then to invite a person along to an event of just ask to get together to get to know the person that it is more apt to lead to a more serious friendship.
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Hey, oh my god, what a relief! I was beginning to think I had major problems. I'm 21 now - and I'm an attractive girl aswell (I used to think being good looking was easier for making pals - boy was I wrong!) thing is, I was really popular in school and I'm still known to be quite popular, know everyone. But I also have a lot of people that don't talk to me out of jealousy, they're malicious etc and this really bugs me. I lost all my friends 2 years ago and they really betrayed me. Now I have close friends but not even one is "real" I am always saying yes to everything and always feeling pressure around them both. The more I try to be a really nice and kind and forgiving person, the less friends I have. I want to be a better person and I am actually so confused as to who I am, what I believe in! I want to be the popular girl I was before but I feel like people think I am fake when I'm just being nice. I try to convince myself my friends care about me, but I always end up being there for them and agreeing with everything they say.. and I never get this back.

I think it is discovering yourself. I'm just scared of losing friends so to keep the fake ones I have - I'm holding back from being myself. I just hate how lonely I feel. Don't have that "omg guess what just happened" friendship with any girl. Where I know they will be there for me in my time of need the way I am with them. Used to hang around with lots of guys - loved this company and they all loved and cared about me but after my ex came into my life, we all drifted. I am so loyal and good to my friends but I stil don't have any. It's weird, and it sucks! And I like to think I have a funny, easy to click with personality - I am happy making others happy, really helpful and really supportive.
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Are you magnum? I would believe that were it not for the word "attractive" used in your post.
I kinda do that too, theres a definite "getting-to-know" process I must go through before I am able to make more than vowel sounds at new people. Try this sometime: just surprise them. Bring them out to a party or concert sometime and you're officially the coolest friend ever. The reason they aren't really friends with you (it seems) is because you act like, because you are kinda 'socially awkward', that you don't like them, don't want to hang out with them and don't have time for them.
LISTEN TO ME I AM THE GURU OF ODD RELATIONSHIPS and string cheese
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this is a very complex situation i recomend gettin a psychiatrist or at least a pyschologist to help you i would but thats 10 years away for me. people on websites such as this r usually not qualified to give proper advise
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Haha i did the same. This is the EXACT same scenario as me, i mean EXACT. Except im not a girl. I feel better knowing more people are in my situation though :D
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I am having the same issue! I'm 20 years old and have my own apartment. I take mostly online classes because I work full-time. I work at a consignment store where the customers are all older women so I can't really make friends at work. All my other friends moved away for college and I ended up staying here. I don't know what to do! None of you live in the Santa Barbara area by any chance, do you?
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If I were you I would make sure you mention to the guys you want to be friends with that you have a boyfriend and make sure you mention it in the first few days you know them. The sooner the better. Honestly like a while back there was this beautiful girl sitting next to me in class and her and I would talk the whole class and got along great. She would put her hands on me all the time and told me I was good looking and stuff and I told her how pretty she was a lot. I was falling in love with this girl and then after months of this I asked her to go on a date with me thinking I was definitely guaranteed this date and then she's like "Oh, I have a boyfriend, sorry" and I was crushed. Like when I looked back at everything I guess it made sense that she was just friends with me but at the time I was so emotional it didn't seem clear. So if you really are attractive like you said then this might be what those guys are going through with you. And to be honest, I can't be friends with girls. I always think about dating them so I either stay away entirely or ask them out. I can be friends with guys easily though.
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i feel exactly the same as most of you guys on here. i'm 22 and i am quite shy, quiet and socially awkward, but i can talk to people and im friendly and full of humour. but before going to university i only really had 1 friend because the so-called 'best friends' i had at school started not talking to me and turning against me because of my shyness being misconstrued as not-friendly, and their jealousy over boys that liked me and stupid stuff like that. this knocked me down so much cause they were my BEST friends. i went through college with just a couple of friends i'd hang out with from time to time, and although i was grateful for those aquaintances, it made me feel pretty lonely and pathetic, compared to other people my age who had loads of friends and were going out all the time. but i started enjoying my own company more and more. i made friends with some boys too, cause i found it so much easier to talk to boys as they weren't bitchy....but theyd start wanting more than friendship and when id say no, theyd soon find other girlfriends and not really speak to me anymore. i've had a couple of boyfriends in the past and have made 2 or 3 really good friends at university, but now it's finished, we all live in different places and i don't really see them or talk to them every day anymore. but they have so many more friends aside from me and seem to have such busy social lives, it just makes me feel like im not normal. i spend so much time at home with my mum and on my own, and i feel so peaceful that way. im glad there are other people out there that feel the same and im starting to see that it IS normal to not be a busy socialite, not everyone is meant to be that way, and you can be just as happy being more the loner type :)
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Hi, I am new but I am so glad that I found this site. I was just asked today my my fiances nephew why I don't "hang out" with people. Well my excuse is that I have a 1yr old daughter and along with that I'm kind of working over full time. Also, I haven't made many close friends in this town. I've been here for a little over three years, and I did make one close friend at work but she moved to a different state and I never really got to hang out with her. Although we do text.

Another thing is, there are some girls at work I still do get along with, but they are either married (which I'm still not) so I can't really identify with them. My family is in a different state as well, and I can't even afford yet to go up and visit them. I still have some of my old friends, one who also lives far away and wants to come visit me (best friend) so I'm happy about that. But I'm just not the type of girl to walk town and randomly "hang out" with people. I'm just not real comfortable doing that. I've seen girls walk all around town doing that, and it just doesn't look all that fun or ladylike to me. Plus I just get along better with guys and I don't think my fiance would be too down with that. AM I NORMAL?
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I am a 29 year-old female and I do feel the same way. I have moved countries a few times since starting my career so that's probably part of the reason why it's hard to cultivate long-lasting friendships. Once you drift apart, it's really hard to relate if you don't live in the same place and do things together. After a while it just becomes a situation where you recap your days for each other, rather than relating to each other.

The country I'm in right now doesn't have the friendlist people. So that doesn't help. However, I have made enough friends to count on one hand. I probably only ever hang out with 2-3 of them regularly. And by regularly i mean every couple of months.

I think the social climate of the world is changing. In general, people do keep more to themselves and everybody's usually too busy with a career or other priorities to "want" new friends.

TV shows often portray large, social groups of friends who party together frequently. Maybe, we have this in our heads where, in fact, this is not what reality is like.

Similar to my personality, I seem to gravitate towards people who travel and are adventurous, so I find potential "close" friends may take off shortly after we've grown closer.

I do find that a lot of interactions I have are quite superficial. Not on my part, but others'. Everyone seems to have their own lives, and personal things going on. I'm just not that busy. Like the interaction is great at the time, but there doesn't seem to be any follow through.

Well, such is life. Once I make the final move to live in my ideal city, I will definitely try to be more involved in the community, at work and church.

In the meantime, 20 months and counting...
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I've really enjoyed reading everyone's comments. I've actually felt the same way my entire life (I'm a 28-year-old female). Even when I was younger I didn't really feel like I had a best friend. The thing is, I had a lot of "friends" (both male and female) and a lot of people who called me their best friend, but I just never really returned the sentiment because I never felt 100% comfortable with anyone. During my 4 years of college I made probably close to around 50 acquaintances (people I would chat with or spend some time with) and about 6 good friends. I was even a maid of honor for my "best friend" (I feel terrible -- she considers me her best friend, but I never really did think of her as mine) and a bridesmaid for 2 other friends. Now, 6 years after having graduated from college, I only keep in touch with them sporadically (and I don't keep in touch with ANYONE from high school or before). Every single one of my "close" friends from college is married with children and I'm still single, working on my PhD. It's like a weird cycle with me -- I meet people quite easily and can impress people at that first meeting by being friendly and outgoing with a lot of personality. But, after that, I just kind of write them off or vice versa. Of the people I meet, a lot of them try to hang out with me, but it's most often in a group setting. I think I've come to realize that if I don't feel in control of the situation, I back out. If I know for sure that I'll be hanging out with just 1 or 2 people, then I'll usually go, but big groups (really 3 or more people besides myself) just freak me out. And that's all that seems to take place -- group hangouts. I most prefer to spend time alone, but like everyone else said, I get lonely. Sometimes I'll make the first move to invite people to do something, but I usually don't. In the 3 years that I've been working on my doctorate, I've invited people to do things maybe a dozen times. I talk a big game, but then don't ever come through on my plans so people wise up and stop inviting me. It's weird. I want to spend time with people, but I'm very particular about who I hang out with and under what conditions I hang out with them. And at 28 I've started to wonder what's wrong with me, since I haven't really ever connected to anyone. I've never truly felt comfortable or like I could truly be myself around anyone -- family included, though I'm probably the most "myself" around my sister who's 30, but I only see her a few times a year since she lives so far away. Good luck to everyone though -- I don't think introverts are abnormal. Introverts recharge and reenergize by time alone, while extroverts recharge with other people. But, just as extroverts need some alone time now and then, introverts need some "people" time now and then as well. Now that it's summertime, I'm going to make a real effort to enjoy myself and meet new people. It's A LOT easier said than done, but I'm going to try! Thanks!
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This is crazy all these stories really touched me because I am going through the same dilemma. I am 20 years old and I have always been somewhat of the class clown and "jock." I am a girl so I had alot of friends, boys and girls.I was like the wild child drinking and all that. One day my life changed when I had a miscarriage and as soon as I got depressed I found no one was really there for me. I shrugged off the pain i was going through to make people laugh, but after a while i just out myself in a bubble to avoid having to fake a smile. I am past that stage now though through the help of excercise and spirituality, but i have no friends left. Most of my old friends I dropped because their lifestyles are out of control and I just want to sit and chill. everyone wants to party and drink these days. Sure I am young, but I for sure don't wanna waste my type getting drunk then forgetting what happened. These days I just keep to myself, watch Netflix, go to the gym, and I always meet new people easily when I am out. I just don't care for half the people I come across. Is that wrong of me? I feel lonely, but I would rather be alone most of the time because I feel I am unable to relate to all the commotion people my age do. I want to make friends however I just don't know if I really wanna go out or deal with people sometimes. I finally found a way to love myself. I feel if you are happy being alone and get lonely then go out, have a convo, and retreat back to where you feel comfortable.
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Agree again! I am wondering though, most of you all are very young. I am 46 and alway had social anxiety. Just dont know what to say or am rotten at keeping up the conversation or friendship. I want friends, I want those pics of all the gal pals getting together for a girls nite out. I feel like I must not be likeable. Everyone likes me in the beginning...but then I forget there name (too much pressure) who they are married to, or what their situation was. I forget to "follow up" or just almost wrenching inside if I have to go talk to someone (but I smile and do it). what a struggle. I too, (so Ive been told) am normally attractive, smile alot (hides the pain) sign up for activities. But no one ever "picks me" seeks me out or migrates to me. my wedding? I just hoped He had alot of friends! I have that one tried and true friend (God love her!!) I just feel, im here at the second half of my life and now I wonder ...who will come to my funeral? I feel pretty unlovable. My husband is wonderful. We say that we just dont LIKE people! Funny thing is everyone loves him. But we dont socialize outside of church- I want to but I give up sometimes
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Hey, I just broke up with my girlfriend of four years and I've been reflecting on the same topic recently. I felt like because I'd devoted so much time to my relationship that I'd missed out on alot of opportunities to make good friends in college, and now that it's over I feel like i've not only lost my girlfriend but my best friend and the one and only true friend I've ever had. No-one know me like she does, although I've tried to open up to one or two of the friends I've made in college.

I just find it hard to go past a certain point with people. Like, at parties I'll be warm and friendly and get talking to complete strangers without a bother, but when it comes to sharing secrets or making myself vulnerable I was never comfortable until I met my girlfriend, who had her own troubles and was brave enough to share them with me, and so I felt I should return the favour by sharing my hopes and fears with her.

But I digress :-S basically now I'm just trying to figure out who I can fall back on now that we're through and why I haven't made that many friends in the last 4 years.

I really want to travel and see the world too, but when it comes to choosing who to go with, the list is almost non-existent, and although I'd be more than happy to go with my older brother or go it alone, I'd still love to go with some friends. I really feel like I'm missing out sometimes, but I'm glad I found that there's more people out there like me :-)
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I'm only eighteen and I'm still in high school, but the same thing is happening to me. A while ago, I got into a fight with my best friend - it was ugly, we said some things and she was a complete bitch - and the whole group went after her. They stopped asking me to hang out, started treating me with coldness, etc... Now, I can freely accept the fact that I don't have many friends and the ones who I really connect with live apart from me.
The thing is... I'm kind of an old soul. I love old music (not of the 90's but the 60's and 70's), I watch old films and I can say I'm very mature for my age. I can say that because the people I used to be friends with (and still socialize with) are very immature. They often drink lots of alcohol, smoke pot and like to talk about mundane things that really don't interest me at all. They are often criticizing people I love (especially friends of mine) and they usually get on my nerves. So why do I feel sad when I see them hanging out with each other?
I feel fake with these people. It's like I have to act around them and say the "right" things. I feel pressure, criticized and so disgusted with myself by the end of the week...
And I have never connected with them, not really.
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Highschool blows. I'm graduating this year thank God, but wish I had a group of friends so that when I come home from college I'll have people to share my experiances with. I tend to hang out with people one on one a lot. I just like to talk and would rather hang out in a small group. I'm pretty mature for my age so I think that has a lot to do with it. I like hanging out with people that are older because they tend to be at my maturity level. I feel like people have this need and desire to fit in and everyone wants to be liked by everyone. People try so hard to fit in that they don't realize that they are losing themselves. I've become very independent. I'm happy for who I am but am still lonely at times. Keep in mind that if your lonely don't sit around waiting for people to call you. If you want to hang out with someone try calling them. A lot of people are too oblivious to call you and don't realize that you want to spend time with them and they also get lazy. I'm learning not to try so hard. We seem to all have a lot in common and really care about others. Just try being yourself and make the plans instead of waiting.
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I am so glad that I am not the only person who feels that way. I am like all of you guys,friendly, cute, nice and get along with people just fine, but I still feel lonely. I've friends here and there. And we go out sometimes and it's fun. But still some are just making me feel like a such a loser, because I don't have meny friends!
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"Don't think, just do". This is my favorite phrase. Well, obviously I'm also like you guys. Having trouble with my social life. When I was still in that stage, I don't like people looking at me. I was a very shy person. However, when I heard the phrase "don't think, just do", I started becoming true to myself. I'm not having any regrets anymore. I thought I'm "The man of regrets" because I have a lot of things that I want to do but I couldn't because I'm really shy. But now, I'm starting to feel like myself. I don't know how to explain it but, be yourself. Life is fun. I'll say it again, "Don't think, just do".. ((:
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Hey, I also have the same situation. I am 28 and i still don't have any close friend in my life, just acquaintance. I always wonder if i will find a few close friends. I am not that bad girl. I am good looking, I used to get good grades in school. Now I am working in good company and I get along with people well, but still i never made real good friends. just like the above posts, I also want to have a few close or good friends with whom I can hang out and have fun. But to think of the above posts, I think that I still haven't found the friends who would just click with me. But I also feel that if I ever find some good friends. Will i have to work hard to get friends or is it social pressure that gets me to think this way? I liked this post.

<wotev>
Don’t ever worry if you think you don’t have enough friends. It’s no reflection on you, it just means you haven’t met the right people you click with. It may also mean that you have a lot more going on in your head than most people. Too many people in this life are dull, & because there are so many dull people, they find it easy to make friends because they are all so similar. So if you are having difficulty making friends, you shouldn’t think badly of yourself. I’m 36 & I still don’t feel like I have many friends or fit in, & although I’m pretty sociable I feel alone a lot of the time. But as you get older, you realise that it’s important to have friends who are true friends & not friends for the sake of it. Always be true to yourself. If people don’t like you, it’s their problem.
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Im exactly the same. I moved to a new country with my family 5 years ago when I was 17. Life in my home country was AMAZING! I was friends with everyone, I had two best friends..... simply put I had a social life and i LOVED it!

I moved here, not overally excited about the move but hey I decided to make the most of it. After 1 year of social torture at school, I was no longer the confident social butterfly I use to be. Girls said the worst things about me even though I tried so hard to be nice.

I though University would be different but to no avail. 4 years on and all I have is acquaintances. Im the type of person that NEEDS friends.

After being here for 3 years I went back to my home country, I worked like a dog (full time uni, full time work) saving to buy a ticket to go back. When I left here I felt like I was a freak, like I was a horrible person, like it was my fault that I had no friends. So I immersed myself in my work, when I was busy I didnt feel lonely.

However, when I arrived back in my home country for a 10 week visit, I started to feel normal again, I felt alive, I became the biggest social butterfly. I would go out and EVERYONE knew me and I loved making all the friends I did. I was soooo HAPPY!

10 weeks turned into 8 months.... the best 8 months of my life. I tanned, I partied, I freaking lived life. I never felt sad, I never felt lonely, I never felt abnormal. I felt ALIVE!

I decided to come back to the foreign country where my family was. I had a new energy and I was determined to make friends! I was going to be a social butterfly here too.

It lasted 3 months and soon I felt drained again, I felt lonely and I felt like my efforts had gone to waste AGAIN.

I've decided to accept it and so I work ALOT and study ALOT! If people ask me to join them for social events I always go but I never make real friends.

I try, I make an effort to remember birthdays, to smile, to be friendly, etc. but theres nothing.

Today I decided to take time out of my studies and attend a bbq at my boyfriends, friends house. I was excited, I thought this will be a great opportunity to make friends but again it was a fail.

I arrived at the bbq, all excited and friendly. I tried to take part in the conversation but all the girls were laughing about things I had no idea about. I stood there and I felt so awkward, so out of place. I tried to pet the dog and it growled at me, I mean seriously even the damn dog didnt want anything to do with me.

I tried talking to a few girls but they would say a few words and then sorta start talking loudly to the other girls, laughing etc. I tried to join in the convo but that didnt go so well, I wasnt there for the funny moments, I didnt get the joke behind the joke. I eventually sat down and just observed. I felt emotionally drained. I felt like I was standing centre stage completely naked with a spot light on me and the words "I am a social freak" written on my forehead.

I felt so stupid, new girls arrived gave me the once over. I had no idea who they were, I returned a smile and introduced myself. one girl kept looking me like as if to say "erm whos that"

I couldnt take it anymore so I picked up my bags and quickly excused myself saying my sister needed me at home.

When I phoned my boyfriend to tell him the truth and that I wasnt coming back, all he could say was "ah who didnt talk to you", "so you not coming back?". There was nothing like "o im sorry you felt that way", "please come back, you can stand by me". There was nothing and so for the rest of the afternoon I've felt horrible and im starting to lose hope.
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I'm 21 as well, and gosh story of my life too!! I'm in uni(college) now and I have a lot of 'friends' or I guess acquaintances.. but no real true friends. :( My entire life I'm still best friends with my bestie since 4 years old, and 2 more real friends but all of us are like in different parts of the world. literally. (1 in NZ, 1 in Asia etc)

We do keep in touch via emails and skype etc etc but somehow I feel like distance is making me feel even more lonely. Now that I'm in uni, my friends always say oh wow you know a lot of ppl, you have so many friends, but I can't really call any my true friends. I became close to one girl and thought she'd be a good friend, but turns out she's not. and initially I have a lot of guy friends in uni, but then it just turns awkward afterwards because they start flirting and the fact that I don't have a boyfriend made it even worse, sex questions starts coming in, so even if I do want a boyfriend, I feel like none of these guys are really serious at all and only after one thing. :O

So.... yeah I don't have a lot of friends and the fact that my good friends are like in different continents makes it worse.. it sucks.
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Same here :) I haven't got many friends maybe I'd say about 3 too but again 2 of them I don't really keep in close contact anymore. It's not as if I can't get friends its just I'm not very sociable and don't get me wrong if I socialised more I could get alot of friends and I feel I wasted my college years by not socialising more :) I think in fairness people only have 2 or 3 'True' friends where as other friends are people you just talk to.
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Yeah, I wouldn't even bother if you have a boyfriend. No point in wasting energy.
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