Don't have many friends

31 Comments

Are you magnum? I would believe that were it not for the word "attractive" used in your post.
I kinda do that too, theres a definite "getting-to-know" process I must go through before I am able to make more than vowel sounds at new people. Try this sometime: just surprise them. Bring them out to a party or concert sometime and you're officially the coolest friend ever. The reason they aren't really friends with you (it seems) is because you act like, because you are kinda 'socially awkward', that you don't like them, don't want to hang out with them and don't have time for them.
LISTEN TO ME I AM THE GURU OF ODD RELATIONSHIPS and string cheese

i know exactly how you feel, i often feel lonely and in need of companionship and intimate close connections with other people (boys and girls) but at the same time i like to be on my own, and feel very uncomfortable and tense around people sometimes, like i cant be myself...do you ever get like that? its like im struggling to establish who i really am, what im like as a person etc
im 22 and feel so confused about my personality- i get days where i want to go out and socialise with people, but when i do go out i feel introverted and closed, and unable to show people what im really like, and i can go for days on end where i just want to be on my own and am quite content with my own company. im soo confused!! glad im not the only one who feels like this

I feel similarly. I am a guy, 40-ish, more introverted and thus happy with mimimal aquiantences. I overall prefer to be by myself most of the time, but can and do interact with others as the need arises. I find it much easier to relate to men (I'm straight /happily married). I agree with one of the earlier comments that if one makes a serious effort then to invite a person along to an event of just ask to get together to get to know the person that it is more apt to lead to a more serious friendship.

I constantly feel the exact same way, and can definitely relate better to guys than girls (but they usually end up wanting to date instead of be friends). It takes me forever to get to know someone and let myself go around them, so you are not the only one. I just recently transferred to a new school, so it's been even more difficult to find friends! Though I'm trying something new this semester, forcing myself to talk to someone anywhere I am, even when I dont feel like it. Maybe try that? And I'm trying to get involved, so join a gym or volunteer or something in your interests! It's a long process and I'm still workin on it, if you want to talk, because I definitely am in the exact same boat as you, then you can IM me on AIM Lilyfrost5. Hope to hear from ya!

Yes, it is quite normal... I am the polar opposite of you though! I'm a guy (16-20) and I get along great with girls (I am straight, if it matters). I sense that girls are alot like how you describe, they think that guys just want to date... Well, don't worry, There are guys who just are looking for friends ^_^

girls are easier to get along with for me.. im just not into the whole "sup", doing dap, competition thing that guys do with other guys. im straight but most of my friends are girls.

i think a friendship between a guy and a girl is the most genuine. girls are often catty and jealous of one another. they hurt each other easily, but are able to get over it. guys are more competitive, don't really care about feelings, but also get over things pretty easily. i think a guy/girl friendship is similar to a romantic relationship in terms of dynamics, without the romance. like theres a deeper connection, and an ability to be more open and not worry about social pressures (because your not attracted to each other).

about the loner thing... im pretty introverted, and am fine being by myself for a long while, but i really do love and appreciate my friends and try to hang out with them often. my issue is more about not really making new friends. im not mean or anything, but maybe a little awkward.. most of my friends i've known for years.

I agree with Lilyfrost. Seriously, you sound like myself in a year or two, mainly because I'm about a month short of being 20. The only difference is that I am constantly online and watching tv. Instead of two way conversation, I'm watching someone else's monologue, but I feel ok because there's still other people in the world. I'm not too interested in talking with them, but they need to be there. Without anything resembling human contact, I become rather unmoored, floating loose of reality. Have you ever seen or read Slaughterhouse 5? Yeah... I'm on Aim as well, as raukowen. And even if the idiots spam me, I already get crap on there, and I don't use the aol email.

this is a very complex situation i recomend gettin a psychiatrist or at least a pyschologist to help you i would but thats 10 years away for me. people on websites such as this r usually not qualified to give proper advise

NEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDMNEDM

quality, not quantity.

Well, I can say you are more normal than me. I have no friends at all. The last time I had friends was in high school two years ago. I don't talk to anyone in college. All I do everyday is watch tv go on the internet and do schoolwork. The only person I talk to is my mom and I only see her in the morning and on weekends because she works. I never really spent time with my friends outside of school when I had some though, only at school did I laugh and talk with them. Those were better days. I'm probably more socially awkward then you. Sometimes, but not all the times my mouth shakes when I speak to someone even with my sisters that I rarely see; they're away at college too. I've gone these past two years without really socializing with anyone where I've laughed and just enjoyed their company. Never have been a big talker actually throughout my life, only to those really good friends of years ago, and of course my mom. As a kid everyone always told me I was quiet, or asked me why I don't talk. I just didn't. They actually tried to help me in the fifth grade by giving me some kind of counseling, I don't know.

Well you are exactly the same as me except that I am a guy and I am straight if thats required . Well to start with I have only two very good friends and that they r my school mates and now they r in a different city , but after my school days I got many friends in college , at first I thought they will be their with me always but as I passed my college these friends completely changed , some try to be superior than me , and had competitive thoughts in their minds , In this way I didnt had true friend apart from my school friends . I never hurt anyone's feelings , always like to be happy and make others happy but still these things happen , I think today everyone is so selfish that they dont like the intimacy of true friendship .Though I like to spend most of the time with myself I dont like too much showy friendship I am the only true friend of myself , but sometimes when I feel lonely and these things creep into my mind , but yes I am really happy to know that I am not the only one

hey! i'm a 20 y/o female, and i know exactly how you feel. i'm a junior in college right now, and i often grab food from the dining hall and eat it by myself in my room. although i have 2 pretty good friends here, still i worry that i'll become boring and they'll move onto someone else and i'll be left with no friends! i find it very difficult and uncomfortable to just strike up a conversation with a stranger, or even participate in class. my voice shakes and i feel nervous all the time. i'm very close to my mom and talk to her on the phone multiple times a day. i feel very abnormal for a 20 year old who lives at college, i would rather spend time by myself or with my mom than most of my peers. on the weekend sometimes i have plans, but i'm perfectly comfortable watching a movie by myself in my room. it makes me feel like a reject! it's comforting to know there are others like me, and i'd like to get your guys' SN so we can chat! it's about time i found someone else like me!! : )

Haha i did the same. This is the EXACT same scenario as me, i mean EXACT. Except im not a girl. I feel better knowing more people are in my situation though :D

I read your post and could have sworn that I had written it! I feel the exact same way... I have a few old friends with whom I am close, but now, even when I meet people I become friendly with, there is no rea connection.
I very often would prefer to keep to myself, but then I force myself to be social because I "know I should" (and then-- and maybe it's just me-- but I think about getting married, and how I HAVE to make more friends so there are a lot of people at my wedding... is that crazy??)
I try so hard to find that connection with people, but unless I am w/either one of the aforementioned old friends or my boyfriend, I feel like I am just going through the motions, hardly listening, providing rote responses in conversation, and just itching to get away.

my mouth shakes sometimes too...

OMG...i am so happy i read this, you have no idea. I am in the EXACT situation, it was almost crazy to read someone else saying all of that. And it is good to hear other ppl are like me when it comes to this. For the most part I am alright with it but then there are some days where it kinda sux. I am 21 also and have a few good friends but some of them live far away or go to school far away and I haven't made any real friendships in school. I am friends with kids in school but it never leads to anything outside of that. I have been told that I look like I dont want to talk to ppl but I think im just uncomfortable sometimes when it comes to meeting new people. I have had some bad "falling outs" with friends in the past and trust has become a huge issue so to become good friends takes a lot for me. I am not this ridiculous partier who needs to drink thursday through saturday, I am a chill person who can stay in and watch a movie but I do like going out to bars and having a good time sometimes. I htink its hard to find someone who is also like that, who doesnt constantly have to be partying. Sometimes I just wish I could find someone like me but it does suck sometimes. I feel like im a weird loner but I know I have to work on it. I wish we all lived int he same place haha that way maybe we could talk to e/o since we know we are all in the same boat.

Does anyone else ever feel stupid when ppl ask you what you are going to do or how your weekend went when you know u did nothing? thats when I hate it the most...

Personality problems? Tell me about it I though things were going to change as I got older but nope I am 23 and still have the same problems ... is only getting worst I think this might be the reason why my own sister is not even interested in talking to me anymore well as a matter of fact I don't even have a good relationship with my family besides It might also be that we are a dysfunctional family and we ll are very different in character and personality..

Rachel you're not crazy, or maybe we're both crazy... but I have the EXACT SAME thought. What are his family going to think of me when I have maybe 4 or 5 guests, mostly family, as my guests for the wedding? Will I end up inviting co-workers and acquaintances I don't know very well, the next door neighbours, the mailman, just to fill up the space? XD

yep, and I'll be like... um yeah, I don't like to plan my weekends..

lately though I've just said straight up: I'm just going to do whatever I like. I really like having the freedom to do my own thing, though some Saturday nights I sometimes wonder what I'm missing out on.

I think about my wedding day aswell and how no-one is going to turn up cos I don't really have many friends. I have three best friends;one has moved away to a different city, one hardly makes an effort with me any more and the other one i am in regular contact with. Apart from that I don't really have anyone that i'm close to, especially in regards to other girls. Friendships are very clicky these days which makes me sad.

I hate it when people ask em what i've been up to or going to be up to. It's like yea the same old sit around and do nothing.

I know what you mean I've had this problem for too long and it's hard to accept it's just who I am. Tonight's my birthday dinner and I don't have the will to go because most of my "friends" canceled. It's just depressing because it becomes harder to make friends as you get older.

From childhood , i never had a close friend and i have always been lonely. The friends i had always betrayed me and recently i thought i got a friend and she use to say that she likes me a lot and on and on but i could feel the inner thing in her. All she cares about is herself and her boy friend. I just want a friend who thinks about me too. I dont know what to do. But i always use to dream of having a gang who use to have a great time going out and understanding each other but i dont have even a single friend like that. If i succeed in anything i cud sense jealousy in the people around me. I wish i get a good friend....

You guys have no idea how relieved I felt after reading this, I can totally sympathize with a lot of this. So I'm a 20 year old female college student in Boston. I have very few friends here and the ones I do have are mostly guys. It's kind of annoying because like many of you said, guys friends tend to either like you or hit on you. I am also very close to my mom and talk to her everyday. Nobody I know is as close to their mom as me. I always had friends in high school but many of them I've grown apart from or rarely see. I don't mind being alone or doing things by myself and I've often wondered if this is abnormal. I've definitely thought about whether I'm going to have enough girl friends to have bridesmaids ahaah and sometimes I feel uncomfortable around people, like I'm not being myself and analyzing little details like sitting/standing positions urgg crazy I know. Lately I haven't fixated on this and I've been trying to be more proactive and open minded by initiating conversation and making lunch dates etc. My advice would be to try to initiate conversation first because if you don't it slows the process down a lot and makes it very hard to meet people. Also, just trying to be open minded and having an open mind and not fixating on this. Best of luck and thanks for helping not to feel like such a wierdo :) feel free to message me (aim=CoonCat62), I would love to chat with all of you about this..luckyducky i can completely relate to almost everything you said.

story of my life

Rachel123az.. This is pretty funny, I can't believe you thought about it too. The wedding I mean :) I had the same thoughts too, even though I am far from planning any weddings at this point in my life. I just had this thought.. Who would I be able to invite?? No one.
The post is great actually. I think that all the people here have a lot in common. And that they were surprised and at least a little bit relieved when they saw that they're not the only ones feeling this way. We are much more numerous than we could have thought. I also think that... a lot of how we feel has to do with the social pressure and not the actual need to have "friends". At least I can say that for myself. I work in the hotel and restaurant business and enjoy working with many people. Meeting/talking/socializing. It's not hard, it's not awkward. Yet I almost never connect with girls, often connect with guys but who rarely want to stay at the friendship level, and basically have only one person I truly care about and need and that's my boyfriend. Other than that I enjoy my own company and can stay without people for a very long time. Won't lie if I say that I never really need people. Yet I often feel awkward and weird for not being surrounded by lots of "friends", "having fun". Because I constantly see this around me and somehow it still makes me feel like I'm left out and somewhere around me the actual life is happening. I try to do that. And I end up bored and tired of people very quickly. Uninteresting predictable conversations, not much understanding. I don't miss people. What makes me sad sometimes is the lack of interesting conversations and fresh new ideas from people. A lot of superficial, not much real. I enjoy meeting ineteresting people. A lot. Unfortunately it doesn't happen very often.
So I guess it's important to understand, do you actually need company or do you feel like you need one just because people around you make you believe that. And if you don't need to be surrounded by numerous friends then learn to feel in peace with who you are, calm and not pressured to get this useless crowd around you. That's my opinion. And as for me I am still working on my inner peace.

It is very nice to read all of you guys.

I am 27 and female, and I've had the exact same problem as most of you here. Very few friends, more difficulty with other females, anxiety with socializing, etc. I've analyzed my situation a TON over the years, have tried different therapies, and have a few ideas to offer that might get you thinking differently about your situation (which may or may not help). Ok, so it took me forever to understand why I have more difficulty interacting with females, and then it hit me that "hey, they are competitive as hell and want to stab you in the back at every chance!" Which many of you have already figured out I'm sure. So when I figured this out I would try to seek out ones that were nice and sweet and not competitive. Well, that didn't work, because it seemed that they ALL were! I thought to myself "well now how can that be?" Turns out, I'M the competitive one! I hated people who were judgmental and tried staying away from them, but it didn't work because I was just as judgmental as I thought other people were. A lot of times, the way we view other people is a reflection of how we are. It seems harsh, and we hate to think of ourselves as mean and self-centered...but everyone is in one way or another. It doesn't mean that we aren't also nice people who want and deserve nice friends in our life. We have good and bad sides (like everyone!) and it might help to pay a little more attention to the not-so-nice part of ourselves.

That is all...hope it helps or at least gets some of you to think...

I'm exactly the same way. I was just googling, trying to find out if I'm weird because I don't have many friends. I feel SO much better now.

And I ALWAYS think that about my wedding! I think I'd be better off just getting eloped or something, that way I don't have to stress about having nobody come to my wedding...

I'm like that too. I've been self loathing because I don't have a lot of friends and I'm very lonely to be honest. I see other people who seem to always have someone to hang out with every weekend, someone to be around during the holidays, or have someone whose shoulder they can cry on. My social skills aren't exactly good so to speak. It really sucks because I graduated college a few months ago and a lot of the people I knew have pretty much cut off ties with people who have had a hard time finding a job (apparently they're losers in their eyes). As if finding one is that easy! I'd be a lot more willing to be extroverted if people didn't measure other people's worth by how much money they have or the prestige of their job. Honestly, I CRAVE social interaction. I'm just afraid to put myself out there for fear of being rejected and mocked for not "measuring up." I get along much better with people who are decades older than me. People my age are either self-absorbed or want to one-up each other all the time.

Yeah, I wouldn't even bother if you have a boyfriend. No point in wasting energy.