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Extreme Depression
29% Normal
21 Comments

I never have pleasent dreams. I reguarly die in my dreams, and those are the better dreams. Some mornings I wake up already on the verge of tears. I can't figure out what I was thinking about. All that's left is the feeling of a fleeting thought.

I have trouble focusing on work and become easily frustrated. I even have trouble focusing on personal projects that I'm supposed to be enjoying. Anything I do is by whim and by accident.

I have trouble dealing with people. Especially new people. Even moreso when I'm interested in befriending a new person. When it's at its worst, it really feels as if everyone is staring at me. When I hear someone laugh, they're laughing at me. I often distrust my current friends (or people I'm around) because I can't shake the feeling that they dislike me, but can't bring themselves to get rid of me.

I know it's supposed to be all in my head. Some people have even said I do it to myself. But it's not just my mind. I can hardly keep myself standing because my legs become weak. My heart races and I feel like throwing up. I have on occassion. I feel dizzy.

This has been happening for as long as I can remember (early grade school, 3rd year or so).
Do you think it's normal?
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Comments (21)
Anonymous
2005-03-30 12:15:21
Everything you described is text book depression - serious depression. If you go see a psychiatrist they can evaluate you and start medication that can help immensely. I've been there too and I'm telling you that it CAN be different. I know it doesn't FEEL like it's all in your head, but that's deceiving. Depression is tricky like that. But it can't hurt to check it out, right?
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Anonymous
2005-04-02 15:53:19
Everybody's been there and it takes different approaches to get out some medication, some therapist, some friends but it took only me to make my life better you may be different but I was in your shoes (im still working on it) but i started my own recovery plan just believe you are beautiful and know that you are amazing and no one is laughing at you they are laughing because they are happy and you deserve to be to!!
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Anonymous
2005-04-02 20:44:11
It felt like I wrote every word of that. I know exactly how you feel! Thats such a relief. We should be pals! ,so email me at neopunk890@yahoo.com
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Anonymous
2005-04-02 20:46:10
sorry,
I ment neopunk980@yahoo.com
im Edmond, by the way :)
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 14:02:28
i sorta get what your saying. i also feel like people are laughing at me and just want to get rid of me. i suck at meeting new people. i get like highs and lows. some last for days, others, for a few minutes. am i being egotistic if i think this? i also dont trust my friends because i think theyre just putting with me.
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 14:04:29
oh and by the way, if you want to talk my email is damursexii@yahoo.com
but you probably dont care. if you do, it would be nice.
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 15:03:26
Before you try medication, get down to the library and get Self-Coaching: How to Heal Anxiety and Depression by Joseph J Luciani. Its really helping me through my panic attacks and Im getting better =)
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 17:26:36
O.M.G!!! I have that now!
If anyone wants to talk, my email is Randicordova@yahoo. :)
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Anonymous
2005-05-01 19:42:31
i have the same thing mine is not quiet as severe but i do think my friends no not like me but am reasured in the fact most of my school years were spent with out friends(meaning that they were from out side the school of were there then left) and i have learnt to survive alone i know only keep 2 friend and a few aquantences because i don't need them how ever 1 of the 2 i rarly speek too and the other rather largly needs me so i find security in that thaught
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Anonymous (Story Author)
2005-05-01 22:08:24
Ive gone through something like that in my life time the only thing that has helped me through it has been medication. you can try all the trerapy you want but it doesn't work as well without being on proper medication. Most of the ones they have are very helpful with low side affects such as wellibutrin (Spelling) and Cymbalta...but i would go see a psycharist asap
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Jenny (25)
2005-05-01 22:30:03
I get those feelings sometimes. Especially about the friend thing. Sometimes I can't help but feel as if my friends are just pretending to be my friend.

And I understand completely about the weak legs thing and the anxiety.
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Anonymous
2005-05-02 18:08:37
I get that a lot but not as severe and without the panic attacks, i get it in bursts, im almost ok for a while then for a cople of days to a few months it gets a bit worse, i just cary on as normal and wait for it to pass but with syptoms that strong id recomend getting help
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toke n smoke BONG (37)
2005-05-02 18:13:01
man yous a fucked up motha, so go get high and fuck someone at a bar and see me in the morning, although ill jsut say if that doesnt work, try it again, just more smoking a fucking then go back and back till it does work, hell even if it doesnt thats one fucking life you got there, smoking and fucking well good luck with that one
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Anonymous
2005-05-03 20:30:23
Comment Removed - Innapropriate Subject Matter. Learn More.-->-->-->-->
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Chimeowind (181)
2005-06-10 05:37:03
@: toke n smoke BONG
WTF? Try not being such a dumbass, and be sympathetic! goddammit.....ppl these days.....
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flom (441)
2005-06-24 16:24:19
the fact that you can remember how long this has been happening for you suggests something traumatic may have happened to you at that young age and this has been your way of repressing those feelings. i also suggest you seek a professional or even close confidant to help you sort out your feelings. everyone deserves a good night's sleep!
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AustinMGross (388)
2005-07-15 21:51:31
Here's what you do:

Watch all the famous movies, listen to enough music and know enough about it, and read enough 'cool' books that you can have conversations with people. Watch and read as much comedy as possible and learn how to be funny (you really can teach yourself) and then just practice socializing. Never be needy or a 'tool,' and you'll have no problems. Just stop worrying. Everybody gets paranoid sometimes. I ignore it.

THen after about a year and a half, you'll be 'cool,' the end.

Seriously dude
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DuncanBC (3552)
2006-09-28 18:40:28
Ignore the people who say stupid and rude comments, they should be shot and aren't even funny. I know how you feel. Apparently 2.5m people a year kill 'em selves. Don't become a statistic.
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Gaara (5917)
2007-03-02 09:29:37
Eh.... I had so many bad dreams now i like em... watching people die is fun.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PICK ON THE LITTLE PEOPLE THEY'LL KILL YOU O.o
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almost_normal (8069)
2007-04-29 19:49:24
I was very depressed before,
I started to listen to Heavy Metal, to get out my anger, cuz i am a rally agressive person, but i keep my fellings inside, with heavy metal i can let it out
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ziggytim (13381)
2008-02-08 22:04:05
depression sucks. mine is helped with talk therapy, medication and making and setting goals. i hope that you can find something that helps you, the depressed have to stick together!!
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