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Fiancee Avoiding Talking About Our Issues
My Fiance and I are currently in a long distance relationship I am in Ireland and she is in America, and are stuggling to get along. The distance and her behavior in my eyes has really made me worried. We have been dealing with the same issues for over a year now.
It began when she believed that I did not love her as much as I said I did. She told me she believed that I would one day all of a sudden leave her for someone she called 'better'. I was hurt by her belief and had figured out this belief only through her online interation with other men. She admitted to me that she was looking for validation that she was good enough for me, but I feel while she was she was in danger of drifting.
This was the start of my paranoia, and it still exists today. Why? I believe because it was our first proper relation for both of us we were inexperienced. I took the wrong approach and looked for her to give me answers to every question I asked because her so called love for me seemed unconvincing. She got extremly angry everytime I attempted to talk to her. I take blame for how I naively tried to deal with our issues for over a year, but it still seems no use.
My Fiancee still to this day refuses to talk to me about our issues because it seems for her so long as she knows what she knows, that I want to know, thats enough. She has called talking to me, bending over backwards for me. I would have believed that talking would be easy, especially if you were trying to be as fair as I am, if you loved someone. She says she is ready to leave me before shed talk to me. She has requested for me to give her time, which I am confused as to why she needs because I all she has done in her time is go away and act like she has nothing to think about and then told me that she doesnt thinking talking will work, and I am left now asking well what am I waiting for then.
I am losing sleep at night, unable to eat, and have no motivation to work even. I know I am not very appealing in this state, but I would at least think that I would be shown some concern for. She has told me she wants me never to tell her anything negative and that she always wants to avoid conflict. I have told her that no relationship can exist without conflict and that it makes people stronger and helps them understand eachother better. Avoiding conflict only leads to build up worries and stress that you can never vent.
If you dont have your Fiancees shoulder to lean on, should you even be considering marrying her. What do you think? Is talking about problems in a relationship, even if they are not your worries and only the worries of the other person, the right thing to do or should it always always be avoided as my Fiancee believes it should.
It began when she believed that I did not love her as much as I said I did. She told me she believed that I would one day all of a sudden leave her for someone she called 'better'. I was hurt by her belief and had figured out this belief only through her online interation with other men. She admitted to me that she was looking for validation that she was good enough for me, but I feel while she was she was in danger of drifting.
This was the start of my paranoia, and it still exists today. Why? I believe because it was our first proper relation for both of us we were inexperienced. I took the wrong approach and looked for her to give me answers to every question I asked because her so called love for me seemed unconvincing. She got extremly angry everytime I attempted to talk to her. I take blame for how I naively tried to deal with our issues for over a year, but it still seems no use.
My Fiancee still to this day refuses to talk to me about our issues because it seems for her so long as she knows what she knows, that I want to know, thats enough. She has called talking to me, bending over backwards for me. I would have believed that talking would be easy, especially if you were trying to be as fair as I am, if you loved someone. She says she is ready to leave me before shed talk to me. She has requested for me to give her time, which I am confused as to why she needs because I all she has done in her time is go away and act like she has nothing to think about and then told me that she doesnt thinking talking will work, and I am left now asking well what am I waiting for then.
I am losing sleep at night, unable to eat, and have no motivation to work even. I know I am not very appealing in this state, but I would at least think that I would be shown some concern for. She has told me she wants me never to tell her anything negative and that she always wants to avoid conflict. I have told her that no relationship can exist without conflict and that it makes people stronger and helps them understand eachother better. Avoiding conflict only leads to build up worries and stress that you can never vent.
If you dont have your Fiancees shoulder to lean on, should you even be considering marrying her. What do you think? Is talking about problems in a relationship, even if they are not your worries and only the worries of the other person, the right thing to do or should it always always be avoided as my Fiancee believes it should.
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Frankly, this does not look like a promising start to me. Your relationship is long distance -- VERY long distance at that. Both of you have major trust issues, you have difficulties communicating when you DO talk, and both of you seem to doubt your commitment to one another. Also, you state that she refuses to talk about your issues and has asked for you to "give her time", presumably to think things over. In my experience, this is almost always the polite way of putting a relationship on hold until the other party works up the nerve to break off the relationship entirely.
You don't list your ages here, but I'm assuming you are both young, perhaps in your late teens or early 20s. I'd suggest that you let this relationship simmer in the background while you pursue other interests at this time. This doesn't have to mean other women, but if you are unable to agree on even the most fundamental elements of this relationship and you have no way of deepening the bond with some kind of physical contact, you probably have no choice at this point but to move on. You can still stay in touch and hope that things may change for the two of you in the future but for now, there clearly is no future.
Honestly, it sounds like distance is the problem. She sounds like the type of girl that would sincerely benefit from some physical bonding time with you, but I realize that that may not be an option.
In the end, conflict should never be avoided if you want to have a successful relationship. You have to learn how to go about conflict correctly, yes, but avoiding it is not the answer.