he acts like a bum

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16 Comments

You've got to give this bum an ultimatum. Tell him you expect his share of rent and food for this month by the end of the month. And be sure to tell him that if you don't see his share you will be him evicting him.

thanks, i know you are right. i still don't understand why this is so hard for me. any more suggestions?

It's hard because you have been with him for quite some time.

I would definatly tell him to get a job and keep it. If not you have to let this guy go. He is just useing you for your money,besides the man is suppost to take care of his wife thats the mans job. It doesnt mean you cant work either. that great if you want extra money. But your man should definatly help support you and your family.

thanks for your thoughts. i agree and will have to take some action.

You'll feel better if you stop letting yourself being taken advantage of. You should go out and have an affair with some guy on your terms. Sounds like he will be too busy to notice. That way when you get back you won't feel like your being taken advantage of. Then Break off the affair.
Then you can best decide if you like the arrangement that you have or not.

I usually charge for this advice.

i have done this in the past, but usually just had one night stands. i am not totally sure i want anyone at all right now. i sometimes wish my whole family would just leave me alone! a friend with benefits would be nice, though. i would love the attention if there was no chance i would have to commit. i think i will take your advice. thanks

Artists are weird. They tend to make bad partners for a couple of reasons. They can have a hard time finding and keeping ordinary, financially secure work. They also tend to be flighty and self-centered. If you don't mind being the financially responsible one, and like the idea of supporting an artist, then go ahead, but it sounds like you are unhappy with the situation.

Maybe he's truly oblivious to the fact that his behavior bothers you, or maybe he's a leech. Either way, if he's not nice to your kids and shows no gratitude towards you, then it's probably time to dump his arse. He'll probably get a good song out of it. Heartbreak is great for musicians.

Tell him you have never felt the spark between you too. Tell him its been nice knowing you byebye. Dont keep hanging on! If you dont like him dump his ass!
Get someone you deserve that you can have a great relationship with!

Stop being such a self centered princess. Consider his sacrifice all in the intrest of giving you something to feel good about. All gone for naught due to petty "score keeping". Oh, for shame.

Remember Mozart? He couldn't keep his shit correct, but his wife, she did it for him. Without her we wouldn't have all those wonderful conchertos and shit. You are the woman behind the great man and you need to realize there are bigger things in the world, more important things than earning a living or working at some menial job. In olden days kings sponsored artists and we got things like the Renaisance. Now-a-days artists struggle and their work suffers. Think of yourself as a patron of the arts, and don't think of your creative genius of a husband as any less of a man because he doesn't bring home the bacon. Stand by him through thick and thin and tell the world how great he is, misunderstood, but great. Loyalty and love are more important than keeping up appearances.

I hope this is a joke. Almost all modern day artists have no merit of the type you are implying this bum has. The chance that this guy has any real talent (yet still is unemployed and unrecognized) are so slim it's ridiculous. Mozart composed amazing music by the time he was FIVE.

This man fits the stereotype of a pathetic reject of a bum so well because HE PROBABLY IS ONE. He should be ashamed of his lifestyle and you should be ashamed of your opinion.

I wasn't joking and you clearly don't appreciate art for art's sake. Victor Hugo said, "There is a visible and an invisible labor."

You are right. I do not appreciate art for art's sake. I believe that there is such a thing as an objective measure of artistic merit, and "art for art's sake" (aka selfish pursuits) often do not measure up. As a result of "art for art's sake", people have begun to think that just about anyone can produce art, when I think that in actual fact producing real art requires very rare talent.

This means that the chump we were discussing probably does not have such merit.

Art is one of the few things in the world that has a worth which (1) fluxuates with time and (2) is based solely on opinion. Even if everyone you know sees his artwork and hears his music, and thinks its all shit, centuries from now (if his artwork lives on), there may be buildings named after him and chapters in art history text books discussing his contributions to our time period. Art is expression. Anyone CAN produce art, because art is just a manifestation of emotion. Even if no one ever finds his work to be interesting, the reasons why they criticize it will help to define the aesthetic time period. Think of it like one of the really shitty presidents of the US from the 1800's who didn't really do anything, and isn't really talked about, but their names still go down in history because they were who they were. I'm not saying this guy is on par with George Washington, but I'm just saying that "artist" isn't always an excuse to be unemployed. If you are having serious relationship problems (that don't involve money), then you need to get out of this relationship; he'll deal with it. But if money is the only problem, you could always move somewhere where the cost of living is cheaper, or at least just keep looking for a job that pays more for yourself. Good luck.

Even if you did make him get a job and pay rent and bills, he's still not a guy you should be with. He is selfish, and selfishness is not love. Maybe you'll miss him for a while, but that will pass when you realize your life (and your kids) are better without him.