How do I forgive?

34% Normal

7 Comments

My parents and I are refugees from another country. Where we're from, what you do behind close doors is your business. That's why when my father was physically and mentally abusing my mother, myself, and my sister (who was born in the US). It seemed normal. He would get angry at the smallest things, like if we left something on the table where he was going to eat or if we left the dishes unwashed. I still remember seeing my mother cowering on the ground of our apt with a bleeding lip and crying. It had been going on for as long The only way I could escape was by reading, but even he took that away from me. He burned one of my books in the fireplace right in front of my eyes. I was twelve then and my sister was ten. Then when I was sixteen, he tried to kill my mother with a garden sickle. He would have kill or beat her if I hadn't been standing in the way. What was worst was that my five-year old brother was watching the entire thing. He's thirteen now and he's having behavior troubles, which I can't really fault him for. Sometimes, I feel as if my parents don't understand where my anger comes from at time. They call me a hateful, little, ungrateful child when I talk back and or get angry. But who was the one who supported them when they both had no jobs? When I was sixteen I had to support my entire family on what I made at my job and still managed school. When I graduate highschool. They weren't there. My mother working and my father too lazy to go. When I graduate college, they weren't there either. I just feel like all the struggling I've done for them means nothing to them. I love my parents. But I have them at the same time. Just thinking about them and the hell they put me through makes me want to burst out into tears. There are times when I think that if I had a gun, I would shoot them without a second thought. Then, I would feel guilty. Sometimes, I think the only thing keeping me sane and from breaking is my will. I want to find some peace with my parents. My father isn't violent anymore. He went to some angry-management class, and improved. When I scream at my brother or sister or get the violent urge to break something or someone, I become scared that I will become him. I want to forgive my parents, my mother the most because I blame her for being a coward, but it's very hard.What should I do?

Do you think it's normal?

All Categories AgingAppearance & ClothingArtComputers & InternetDreams & SleepDrugs & AlcoholExpeditionsFamilyFearsFeelingsFoodFriendsHabitsHobbiesHygieneHealthMiscMusic & EntertainmentObservationsPetsRelationshipsSchoolSexSportsThoughtsWork