I have a question about the way shy men act towards women they like. I know someone at my office who is extremely shy. He won't look people in the eyes, start conversations, just tries to fade into the background. He was like this towards me when I first met him but after a while he started to open up to me, actually look me in the eyes briefly, (then looking away but still an improvement to looking at his feet). We also have conversations, he's shown me his quick wit and he frequently cracks sexual jokes. This blows me away because he is known to be the "quiet guy". I find him so fun to work with now, and I think he enjoys my company. Other coworkers have commented on how they've never seen him like this before and think he has somesort of "connection" with me, implying that he likes me. Could this be true?
One is the well-known loudmouth, "I'm the most important man here and I'm so funny" type. This guy is an a**hole yet women can't resist him because he uses the oldest trick in the book: Act like the man and women will respond in a positive manner.
The other is the oh "I'm not like everyone else because I'm actually shy and sensitive, I like poetry and walks on the beach and crying because I'm so sensitive and in touch" type man. Although not as common as the first type, he is equally deadly.
He might not get as diverse a group of females close to him, but those that do come close, are a whole lot easier to catch because he uses the second oldest trick in the book: He knows that females who hate guy one will flock to him like Pooh bears to honey.
There are genuinely shy men out there. But you won't see them, talk to them and most definitely you won't date them because they never, ever put themselves out there and if they do, they're not actual shy guys and either guy nr1 or guy nr2.
I'm the same way as this guy, I think. I'm quiet around strangers until I become more familiar with them, then I open up. Though if some people are jerks or otherwise annoying I may never fully open up.
I can't say whether or not he likes you. He probably feels similar to how you do. But you're right that you'll probably have to make the first move or at least drop hints.
And be nice, he may be a f**king axe-murdering rapist.
But I find girls who confident and slightly quirky give me confidence as well. Gives me the freedom to try and be my self because I don't fear what they will think.
Maybe you are skilled in that way! I'd take it as a compliment..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
My thought is once you understand this, and make a connection, you'll appreciate a person like this more.
Just one person's thought...
There are more than 2 types of men, those are just the ones that you have encountered.
Just a tip, since nobody seems to notice what you said.
There are several types of shy guys.
You can't tell just because you guys have a connection. I used to be more shy and used to have female friends that I had connections with, but I didn't think of it as meaning any more than that...although, I must admit, I probably wouldn't have minded if it turned out to be more!
Just one day in the kitchen, go up to him and say you wann tell him a secret, then kneel down in front of him on both knees. Then look him dead in the eye... and see what he does.
Remember, shy guys at work doesn't mean they're shy anywhere else so don't be a nieve girl and think these types of guys won't cheat on you.
PS us shy guys don't really pick up on signals that well so if you want to jump him just do it and don't look back.
Conversely, if he shows interest and you aren't interested, don't do the "I'm really busy" stuff -- tell him straight out.
You are sharp.
But there still is an element of truth to my shyness, no doubt about it. If I had a choice about it, I wouldnt be like this, so yes I am shy, but underneath that I am actually not if that makes any sense.
I get so confused when I ask girls out (yeah, I am shy, but I force myself to do it to help me get out of my shell a bit), and it always seems that they like me, and say yeah sure or soemthing. Then when I follow up it doesnt happen.
It is so much better when people just tell you 'no im not interested thank you', at least you know where u stand. Otherwise a shy guy will be wondering for ages and ages 'what did i do, she said yes, then no, what changed' going crazy analysing it.
Also, for the missus that posted this question in the first place, you should totally see if he wants to go do something outside of work sometime. Autistic people also have a tendency to keep their various 'lives' (i.e. social, work, school) seperate, and if you can get him out of that shell, he may open up even further.
I'd say take it in small steps. Go out to lunch, to an event you might both like etc.. If you have just friends feelings or romantic feelings between you, you'll likely know.
I do agree, however, that you may need to lead. On the other hand, this guy is not all the office sees & may have more surprises yet.