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How do shy men act around women they like?
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I have a question about the way shy men act towards women they like. I know someone at my office who is extremely shy. He won't look people in the eyes, start conversations, just tries to fade into the background. He was like this towards me when I first met him but after a while he started to open up to me, actually look me in the eyes briefly, (then looking away but still an improvement to looking at his feet). We also have conversations, he's shown me his quick wit and he frequently cracks sexual jokes. This blows me away because he is known to be the "quiet guy". I find him so fun to work with now, and I think he enjoys my company. Other coworkers have commented on how they've never seen him like this before and think he has somesort of "connection" with me, implying that he likes me. Could this be true?
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Comments (79)
A shy man who loves you is indistinguishable from a normal man who is indifferent to you. Think of a man you see every now and then where you work. You do not know him very well, you may have never even spoken to him before. He walks by without making eye contact, or might make a generic nod of acknowledgement at most. This man may very well be completely and utterly obsessed with you. He may spend hours trying to find your myspace or facebook account on the internet, fantasizing about elaborate situations involving you, writing letters to you and then tearing them up, having pretend conversations with you in the mirror, or crying himself to sleep thinking about how hopeless it all is. But to you, he may be as obscure as the mail man or the cashier. Think about that.
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hahhahha, :"cries himself to sleep"

That made me chuckle!
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to be honnest it is a true fact as i know from experiance. i was that type of person till i met the right person though at moment she live miles away .i still cry my self to sleep some times thinking of her but things take time
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pusssie
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asshole
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thats all bullshit.
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wtf?
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Yeah. He digs u. I'm a shy guy. And got realy realy close to a girl I liked over many years. Just to have it be torn away when she moved. Trust me. Give him a chance. Cuz it may be his first eva!
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flikr
i am shy sometimes because i have really bad social skills and i hate looking like an idiot because of my awkwardness, especially in front of a girl i like it sucks really bad then
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Why the hell does every one associate shy with gay. That's stupid. Some people like me get called gay and hate it. It causes depression in some people..
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@: lulz
L0L Gay people may be or may not be shy it has nothing to do obviously. You are just like me: Awkward and shy around pretty girl and I hate the feeling, believe me! :-(
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@: lulz
Don't be ,don't listen to those guys,shy is cute,i prefer shy guy!!;):)
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violent10dency
You are so lucky, I want a shy guy. You'll never have to worry about him cheating on you.
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You are wrong about that. Men could be good little actors.
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Sorry but that's wrong. You see there are 2 kinds of men...

One is the well-known loudmouth, "I'm the most important man here and I'm so funny" type. This guy is an asshole yet women can't resist him because he uses the oldest trick in the book: Act like the man and women will respond in a positive manner.

The other is the oh "I'm not like everyone else because I'm actually shy and sensitive, I like poetry and walks on the beach and crying because I'm so sensitive and in touch" type man. Although not as common as the first type, he is equally deadly.

He might not get as diverse a group of females close to him, but those that do come close, are a whole lot easier to catch because he uses the second oldest trick in the book: He knows that females who hate guy one will flock to him like Pooh bears to honey.

There are genuinely shy men out there. But you won't see them, talk to them and most definitely you won't date them because they never, ever put themselves out there and if they do, they're not actual shy guys and either guy nr1 or guy nr2.
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No, you are wrong.
There are more than 2 types of men, those are just the ones that you have encountered.
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Ollieo
Yeah I agree 2 "types"- that's a real over simplification.

I'd say take it in small steps. Go out to lunch, to an event you might both like etc.. If you have just friends feelings or romantic feelings between you, you'll likely know.

I do agree, however, that you may need to lead. On the other hand, this guy is not all the office sees & may have more surprises yet.
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You are totally wrong!! You are saying there is only two types of men and that they both would cheat on you, that means all men would cheat, and NO, sensitive men wouldn't cheat on their wives.
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Wow, omg. I am guy #2 and you have hit the nail on the head.

You are sharp.

But there still is an element of truth to my shyness, no doubt about it. If I had a choice about it, I wouldnt be like this, so yes I am shy, but underneath that I am actually not if that makes any sense.
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totally wrong sorry
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ahah Yeah I understand that there are those types of men, but this guy is not a "I like poetry and walks on the beach and crying" type of guy...thank god! He is shy, not overly sensitive, there is a difference. I honestly don't think it's an act. So chances are I will have to make the first move like Anasule said or nothing will come of it.
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Not really. I am one thus I know how scummy we can be...
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Regardless of whether he is shy or not, he is interested in you if he behaves towards you in a way he does not towards other women. In this case, you are clearly special to him since other colelagues notice it as well. He may not necessarily be in love with you, but he definitely has great affection for you.

The next question is are you interested in giving him a go? The you absolutely have to make the first move. Shy guys are real diamonds in the rough and they are totally underappreciated by women because they will never cheat on you- 100%% guaranteed. If required, jump him!
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I agree with the comment that shy guys don't cheat. They really don't. If they are the least bit functional socially, and most are, they make the best boyfriends, period. Shy men put a lot of thought into everything they do. They're all about patient attentiveness, which is what any self-respecting woman desires. If a shy guy is showing an interest in you, making you feel special, it's most likely deliberate. You probably mean a lot to him. I'm not saying he's in love with you, but from what you describe he clearly cares for you. I'm a man in my 30s that has been shy his whole life, and I can tell you: Men are under TREMENDOUS pressure to be proactive and always make the first move. It's not easy. Help him out by being a little proactive - spending time together outside of work will only deepend your friendship, and you'll never be able to determine whatever else your friendship might become without time outside of work anyway. Go for it and good luck.
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I'm very very shy. Lack self esteem, you name it.
But I find girls who confident and slightly quirky give me confidence as well. Gives me the freedom to try and be my self because I don't fear what they will think.

Maybe you are skilled in that way! I'd take it as a compliment..
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Whether he is sexually into you or not, it's quite obvious he values you deeply as a human being. If you're interested, I wouldn't wait for him to make the first move because... well, it may NEVER happen with a guy like this.
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Man, its too bad there are not many girls who actually talk or "go" for shy guys. I am a shy guy and im not embarresed of it. I sometimes really do regret being quite to girls that i liked because i never got to tell them how i felt about them. But i have learned from my mistakes and i do think he likes you because ive had a similar personal experience. I wish u best luck with him and hopefully u make each other happy. Good night
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^ Whoa, Ike way-overanalyzed. Remember that other people are human beings like yourself; even the scummy/lying ones aren't that complicated.

I'm the same way as this guy, I think. I'm quiet around strangers until I become more familiar with them, then I open up. Though if some people are jerks or otherwise annoying I may never fully open up.

I can't say whether or not he likes you. He probably feels similar to how you do. But you're right that you'll probably have to make the first move or at least drop hints.
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maybe he's socially awkward and you somehow break his awkwardness haha
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Ollieo
I think it is kind of nice that he has connected with you despite his shyness, and you now see a witty & fun person, which he is. It says a lot about what a decent non-judgemental person you are. The other gossips in your office could learn a thing or two from you about just being a good person.
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Yes he liked you. I am a shy guy, so I would know. =] It's hard being a shy guy. It takes a lot of work to be come socially "normal".
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im a shy person myself. i dont really talk to anyone. it takes a while for me to try to respond to what someone would say. but when im used to talking to someone i just start talking alot.
im not sure if he likes you or not.

by now you should know the answer right? its been over a year since u posted this.
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im shy around women and i can tell you this. he may not know you like him, that being said u need to make an obvious move for that to register. even if you take him bowling or some shit hes might not undrstand you like him like that, he might just think you think hes funny or are trying to get familiar with people in the work place.
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If you like the guy spend some time with him to get to know him better. No-one on here can answer this question for you, you obviously know him better than any of us do.
And be nice, he may be a f**king axe-murdering rapist.
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i doubt he likes you because of that. Because you have takent he time to speak to him he simply feels comfoprtable enough to be himself around you.
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1 to what ThatFred said.

I get so confused when I ask girls out (yeah, I am shy, but I force myself to do it to help me get out of my shell a bit), and it always seems that they like me, and say yeah sure or soemthing. Then when I follow up it doesnt happen.

It is so much better when people just tell you 'no im not interested thank you', at least you know where u stand. Otherwise a shy guy will be wondering for ages and ages 'what did i do, she said yes, then no, what changed' going crazy analysing it.
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I would say, if you think there's a good chance he likes you, make the move first. Shy guys won't necessarily have the confidence to do the 'traditional' thing and ask a girl they like.

More girls should 'take the dive' and ask guys out these days :D It's the modern age!
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Yes he is shy but most shy men NEED a woman to bring them out of their shell and train their social skills, this might seem like a lot of work but he will always be loyal and will not shy away from you. Be kind if you want to break it up or don%%u2019t want to take things further. A shy guy will always be happy to remain friends even after a bad break up. Meet up with him somewhere neutral and see where things go.

PS us shy guys don%%u2019t really pick up on signals that well so if you want to jump him just do it and don%%u2019t look back.
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if hes trying not to make eye contact with you hes afraid that if he does he wont be able to do anything else
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MisterGee81
you ask a silly question you have to know he likes you probably but he is nervous it can be seen open your eyes
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Um... most people make perverted jokes because they are funny, not cause they want to suggest something, especially if said person is a shy guy who only opens up to people he knows well. Note the word 'joke' is a key word here. Anyway, my guess is that he doesn't have any special feelings for you. Course, I don't know anything about him, so I'm only basing this on what I've read.
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simple awnser ask him out. because 9 times out of 10 unless he gay he probally wondering the same thing about you. just scared to make the first move.
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Initially, the guy will be shy of course. But if there's constant communication, he surely will open up to you. He'll wanna talk to you, get to know you if he really likes you.
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Yeah most shy guys will avoid relationships as if they were the black plague most will crack under a little pressure speaking from experience here, don't play hard to get after you have carefully positioned them into a conversational corner, the hard part is making sure you let them know the feeling is mutual with out scaring them off.
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look for other people like yourself. the answer is so simple you mighta missed it.
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I use to not be shy around girls untill i got hit with acne, Acne ruined my life and now I will never be able to be the same way again. I guess I lived half my life and just throw the rest away.
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And girls also now think I am Gay cause i don't talk to them. It sucks
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Hi it's begalla the guys gay dah that is why he puts sex jokes out there he wants u really bad and he stares at u think of what that means
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I consider my self a shy guy. Apparently I stutter and make awkward eye contact a lot, because I'm shy. But take it slowly, I would freak out if a girl asked me out too quickly.
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As a shy guy I must attest that this is exactly how we act he wants you bad and if u want him he is yours for the taking and will be putty in your hands from even the smallest amount of sexual affection.
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Yes the chances are he likes you but as with most shy guys if you like him back you will need to make the first move, why not ask if he wants to go to the cinema or bowling something not to scary.
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Maybe he's just shy at work. Maybe he knows that letting coworkers know too much about your lif is dangerous. Maybe he's read too many spy-novels. lol.

Just one day in the kitchen, go up to him and say you wann tell him a secret, then kneel down in front of him on both knees. Then look him dead in the eye... and see what he does.

Remember, shy guys at work doesn't mean they're shy anywhere else so don't be a nieve girl and think these types of guys won't cheat on you.
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You know lady when a shy guy opens up to you it means that he appreciates you making him crossing over his fear of oppening up to others and get rejected. It may be a way of thanking you. I doubt he realy loves you but he has strong feelings for you. If you continue he will feel like he loves you but when he truely crosses that shy phase things will become clear for him. That is when he will know for sure if he loved you realy. I say that it is a risk that you should take only if you truly love him.
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Have you seen him outside work? Maybe he just shuts himself down at the office but outside of it he could be a totally different person.
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am also a shy guy. if this guy doesn't have a girlfriend he will most defiantly like you if he now talks 2 you. so i would say make your move or let him no how you feel.
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I need some advice on a shy guy myself. I have a shy guy in my class & I like him a lot & I think he may like me, but I'm not sure. He stares at me a lot, has tried to flirt w/ me, seems really jealous when I'm flirting w/ another guy, watches me w/ my guy friend, is around a lot, sometimes flirts w/ other girls & looks at me while he's doing it or after he has done it..& discussed the "Laws of Attraction" w/ somebody & looked at me afterwards lol any thoughts??
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shy guy huh? doesnt seem like it. since hes flirting like that. he aint shy if he does all those stuff. we're talking bout the types of shy guys that wont even look at u for 3 secs.
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I gotta admit this one is my favorite question, only because i have a shy tendacy and its worked for me and against me at the same time!! But its only been such a relief when alot of people i look up to as great actors and musicians carry that same trait and have gone as having long careers in their professions based on how well they carry themselves..for example slash from gun's n roses, johnny 'mother fuckin' depp and benincio del torro!! just to name a few!! (ps..whatever happend to david lee roths solo career lmoa..i can;t stand that prick!!)
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Look at the body language. Send signals and see how he responds. Turn the conversation sexual and see how he responds.

You can't tell just because you guys have a connection. I used to be more shy and used to have female friends that I had connections with, but I didn't think of it as meaning any more than that...although, I must admit, I probably wouldn't have minded if it turned out to be more!
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It depends on the guy really .You have different type of guys . You got the confident, the over confident, or the shy guy . The guy that barely shows any emotion what so ever . So it really depends on the guy and his personality really.
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If he's genuinely shy and he likes you, the normal cues in response won't be enough. If you have any interest, ask him out.

Conversely, if he shows interest and you aren't interested, don't do the "I'm really busy" stuff -- tell him straight out.
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he's desperate girl. make him yours. he'll do whatever you want but will probably freak when you break up with him so give him a wrong name.
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smileystevie
this dude digs u. go 4 it
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I happened to find this thread after googling "shy around women". I am usually not shy, and am confident usually, but just met a girl that has me tongue tied and silly. (I like her too much I think) But, back to the comments, I have to agree that the shy guy is indeed equally as lethal when it comes to cheating. Soon, this girl I met will see that I am not usually shy, and I've "been with" over 150 women in my 35 yrs. In my case, this "shyness" is extremely unusual and temporary hopefully, and it's unexplainable for me. I no longer cheat, but there was a time in my wild and wooly days... good luck to all who find themselves reading this thread. p.s. If he truly is very shy, he will become more comfortable with his partner over time. He probably doesn't act shy around his parents for the holidays etc. It's just going to make it kind of strange for the woman at first, always having to make the first move. I've apologized to my "new friend" repeatedly lol But if I don't get in the game soon and start making the first move... I'm afraid she may be history. After all, she comes to see me every day! What am I afraid of!
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i think he may like you or not. im a shy guy myself and i find comfort in people who make me feel comfortable. so if i was working with you and you made me feel comfortable it would be easier to open up and come out of my comfort zone with you
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@animalcracker
i happen to love shy guys the best but a rare gem where i live.
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Quite waters run deep. If you were able to open him up and he feels comfortable around you, then this is great. He probably has lots to talk about and share with a friend and he may as well be falling for you.

Dont give up on him.
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I'm a shy guy... and I can tell you something that always happens to me... If I have a crush on a girl, I usually will take an opportunity to be around her, in either a private or public setting, but then I won't know what to do when I'm with her...

So basically if he's often in the same room/area as you, but he rarely looks at you or talks to you, he's in love.
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I know its been a while since you posted this but I have to comment.I think he just likes you and is afraid to tell you.You probably just make him nervous.Does his voice change when you talk to him.Guys voices change around girls they like.He seems like a nice guy.If your not dating anyone I think you should go for it.Shy guys r the best.There sweet, and are fun to hangout with.
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A shy man who loves you is indistinguishable from a normal man who is indifferent to you. Think of a man you see every now and then where you work. You do not know him very well, you may have never even spoken to him before. He walks by without making eye contact, or might make a generic nod of acknowledgement at most. This man may very well be completely and utterly obsessed with you. He may spend hours trying to find your myspace or facebook account on the internet, fantasizing about elaborate situations involving you, writing letters to you and then tearing them up, having pretend conversations with you in the mirror, or crying himself to sleep thinking about how hopeless it all is. But to you, he may be as obscure as the mail man or the cashier. Think about that.

This guys is exactly me ^ except the crying bit lol?
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this guy I no longer speak to acts fkn abnormally shy around me. he won't eat his food, he fkn gave me $80 worth of weed. I did not ask for or need. I said "What the fuck on earth are you doing? I have a 4 year old child, I am single mom, I don't fuckin do drugs!"
he made some sort of damn lame excuse that he had to go home early, mind you it was only 11pm on a Friday night. Yea and I am 27 and he is 29 years old. We have been friends for over 6 years now,,,,for him to be this way to me still is FUCKIN ABNORMAL!
I cut him out of my life,
What a fool......
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I am very shy and there is this woman who I really like. I see her everyday but her friends are very outgoing and type A personalities. Her friends intimidate me more than she does because I know that deep inside she is a sweet caring gentle generous person. If it were just the two of us in an elevator I could open up to her and express myself and my feelings for her, but it's the social expectations that prevent me from doing so. It's the thought of what people will say when they see a shy loner like me talking to a cute and well liked lady like her. The fact that almost nobody knows me or acknowledges my existence but everyone knows her and tries to talk to her all the time is what I mean by the social aspect. This makes it too awkward for me to ever get to know her on a personal level unless I find her all alone somewhere for a few minutes (an unlikely scenario).
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I've met people like this before and have thought about it some, and the symptoms all seem to suggest high function asperger's syndrome. Not to be clinical (or jump to any wrong conclusions), but see the social interactions section below.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

My thought is once you understand this, and make a connection, you'll appreciate a person like this more.

Just one person's thought...
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@: mcguff
Funny thing about that is, I'm a very shy guy, and I'm having troubles asking out a girl I've known for a very long time. Also, I have Asperger's Syndrome! Officially diagnosed, as well.

Also, for the missus that posted this question in the first place, you should totally see if he wants to go do something outside of work sometime. Autistic people also have a tendency to keep their various 'lives' (i.e. social, work, school) seperate, and if you can get him out of that shell, he may open up even further.
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If he cracked sexual jokes he probably wants to get your reaction and see if he can "tap that" if you will. Most likely he's not shy, he may have a social issue and scared to say something stupid so he doesn't talk at all. Alot of stoners are like that to because their free way of thinking clashes with the norm and they end up being cast out of normal average people clicks.
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Watch out, he might be a sex maniac on the inside.

Just a tip, since nobody seems to notice what you said.

There are several types of shy guys.
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aww dats cute :P XD
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he wants you so bad!
probably images you in a bikini or you giving him a bj xD
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