I've been dating/flirting with this guy. We've been sleeping together for almost a year. At first I just liked him and it was just sex and chillin( friends with benefits). when I first started to really like him he said he didn't want a girl friend, I respected that and let it go. we had about 3 fights and stopped talking for a week to a month, but when we would see each other we had no choice but to call or say something. Straight tension and soon it would be back on again. We split one time and I tried to date someone else, but couldn't get my mind off of him and ended the relationship. Then I realized I was in love with him. Since then our relationship has gotten deeper since I told him I liked Him again (months later) instead of just sex we had deep conversations, had ARE own spot( places we would park the car and talk), falling asleep in his arms( first guy I actually SLEPT with)and cuddling. Sadly our relationship is on the DL though we do a lot of public things still though. our friends( we hang in a group, 5 guys and me) don't know about us, hes a very private person and isn't one to talk about what he does or who with. Thinking I'm telling him something he already knows since we are all pretty tight. I told him the other guys were trying to talk to me. He was furious! They have caught us before(kissing, he doesn't care who sees nor do I)and to him he shouldn't have to say anything that its a mind your own business thing and if you think we're talking why would you even try. All the guys are my friends and now I know that even though he isn't my boyfriend he doesn't want me to hang with them alone individually. (turns out stuff has been said about me when I'm not there. Guy talk pretty much if you get the idea) He got mad that one of them touched me (flirting), but didn't say anything till we were alone. I realize now that he treats me like his girlfriend even though I'm not. Yet I do the same with him. I don't even date because I'm with him.( nor does he, after we hang out he always says "don't do anything you shouldn't" and I say it back) He says he doesn't want his friends to take his girl, that how can I say I like him and I act the way I do.( I do flirty things not intending to seduce the other guys but for him and sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it because of my personality) He doesn't trust me or the guys and Hes not ready to choose between his friends and his girl. I said I was cool with it and nothings changed but I'm not. I wanna tell people I'm with someone and go on a real date and experience a real relationship. I love him and I wont rush him but how long am I suppose to wait? Is this normal?
Are You Normal?
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Well listen. Here are the basics:
1) Your being stupid for hanging out with a group of boys, and thinking its happy dandy to be 'girly' around them. They will get a whiff of your womanly vagina, and if you already haven't been, you will be downgraded from 'friend' to 'object I must obtain before the rest of the pack'. It's a really awkward scenario a lot of girls (and guys) fall into when hanging out with a group of the opposite sex. But that's just based on my own experiences and observing groups of friends and what not.
2) He's taking advantage of you. Period point blank. You definitely don't realize it, and he might not be consciously doing it. You are his girlfriend. He's just not willing to acknowledge it. It's all a game, my friend.
I hate it when people say they can't do something. You can walk away from this, you just don't want to. You REALLY don't want to. You don't have to honestly. But, how long are you willing to draw this out? Eventually you will demand to be his 'official girl". He will either oblige or decline. Your relationship will either continue or end. I think that you are not demanding to be his girlfriend yet, because you are really afraid of the real possibility that he will reject you. Sorry, but love or not, you should have never slept with him AFTER the first time you suggested you make it official. In essence, what you were letting him learn is: it's okay, don't take what I want seriously, because I don't take it seriously myself.
Pardon the lengthiness.
Strangest thing is guys who do this don't learn it, it comes naturally.