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How to stop being so obsessed with my boyfriend...
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Well, i cry over my boyfriend if i don't see him everyday two days. I know I'm overly obsessed with him, but is it normal? And how do i stop being obsessed with him? I hate feeling sad and depressed just because he isn't here.
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Comments (45)
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. I think he is the most amazing person that has ever walked the earth.Hes a true Hero.

I am obsessed with him, and its getting to be a big problem!Unfortunatly, I havent got a job anymore so I havent got anything to keep me occupied though the day so its making it worse. Ive tried going out with friends but I find it boring because I dont drink and all they want to do is drink. Ive tried arts and crafts but theres only so much you can do before you get bored.

I think the cause of it is you think to yourself "Im punching above my weight" (even if your not). Maybe because of past boyfriends destroying your self esteem?Maybe because youve been bullied in the past?Maybe a bad upbringing or family life? Basically you feel like you dont deserve him, that hes too good for you so you over compensate and get obsessed with him because you fear you might lose him.

I got advice from a 70 year old woman once which has stuck in my mind. Her husband had a terminal illness, and only a few months to live.

She said to me "Relationships are the biggest gamble of your life, people change and thats why all these young ones are getting divorced now because they cant handle it".

So
- stick with it
- work through it
- focus on the future

It doesnt matter that hes not phoned you all day, hes a man, thats what men are like!They still love you, more than what they say they do, they just think its "un-manly" to say how they feel.

I keep a diary of how I feel and thats helped alot!A good tip for arguments too, if you find yourself in mid argument and you feel as though yur going around in circles just think, what is the aim that you want to reach?What steps are you both going to take to resolve the issue. Once youve reached that point the argument will have hopefully be resolved.
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@: berryem
Wow this response has really helped me out! Thanks for this question & response! I was having the same problem but we spoked about it & we cam down to the conclusion & it's because I don't trust him :/ But thanks! & best wishes!
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Girls, to those of you, whose boyfriends have taken hours or a whole day to get back to you, or who are meeting you once or twice a week, once or twice every two weeks, you are NOT being obsessed.

Your 'obsession' might be an indication that normal, healthy relationship needs aren't being met. And it might be an indication that the love and affection your boyfriends gave you at the start, is diminishing, and you are obsessing because you want to get that feeling back.

It is not wrong. You are obsessing, because your boyfriends are causing your insecurities with their actions.

Take a step back, and ask yourselves if this is really the sort of love that you want to be settling for...

Because believe me, there ARE men who are capable of returning calls promptly; men who do not make you wait for hours before informing you of their whereabouts. It's known as RESPONSIBILITY.
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@: cherryn
Thank u so much for that really good advise.I completely agree with what your saying cherry
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I got dumped...my boyfriend loved me so much but I kept calling him and texting him and drove him insane and he broke up with me. If you keep going the same way like you do...you will end up alone and it will hurt you so much if you don't leave your obsessive personality right now. I cry myself to bed every night and its almost 2 months ago he left me. He loved everything about me but he hated my obsessive nature not to be able to leave him alone. I wanted to see him every single day and when I couldn't I was depressed or sad and call him and if he didn't I would freak out. Here I am DUMPED by a really nice guy who really LOVED me a lot so I am working on my obsessive nature and not ready to date again. I am super independent otherwise and don't cling to any of my other 100 friends I made this guy run away.
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I am the same way.
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I am glad I'm not the only one either obsessed with my boyfriend, we have a chat time on google chat usually at 8pm or later when he takes his 11 year old grandson to basketball practice or to his games so sometimes it can be around between 9:30 to 10:00 at night. He never calls during the day unless it's to let me know he will be late for chat or he's coming by unexpectly, he calls for a purpose, not just to call which most men do, they are really not phone people and that applies to my guy. I would wait until you are not on the rebound before dating again. Takes a while, I waited over a year before I started to date again after my long-term relationship ended in 2007.
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Oh god I totally feel you girl, I am afraid I will do the same if I yell at him (like I want to) every time he takes too long to respond or doesn't call. We are long distance (not for much longer, we've made it almost a year and I'm done with my master's in May and can move to him by summer) and that is so hard. My last boyfriend was sorta detached and we did not have a good breakup, and this one is really independent but he loves me lots yet I am probably trippin' cuz I don't want it to end like the last one so I feel like I need reaffirmations all the time. But he is a dude, and a relaxed one at that, so it just isn't natural for him! And with the huge time difference there is a short pocket of time in the day where we CAN talk, so demanding that we talk everyday in that time became a chore for him. We are the girlfriends, we should be pleasures, not chores!! Now I hold my tongue on SO much of the whining I wanna do at him, because it WOULD drive him away, and imagine how annoying it would be if he did it to you, right? Did I go off topic now?

Whatever, I feel you honey. And two months of crying is not unusual after a bad breakup. I had it last spring actually, I felt so depressed and cried in public and could not be alone with my thoughts. My only solace was that I knew it would pass-time is the best healer-and it did. Now I am happy with a new man, and you will be someday too! Maybe find someone who is obsessed with you instead? All my previous boyfriends adored me (maybe too much, kinda put me on the pedestal you know) and I liked that, because I never had to worry. I knew they would always be there for me, never stray, and would rather gouge their eyes out that cheat and risk losing me. Now I don't have a whipped boyfriend and sure, it comes with a risk, but everyone seems to agree it is healthier :P Good luck! And keep your chin up! :)
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he may have loved you but not as much as you tjought if he wasent willing to work things out rather the quickly giving up on the one they "love". Personally if i had an obsessive girlfriend i would'nt mind since that just would show how much they love and care. Only down side is that your getting sad amd depressed over him and i would do whatever it takes to keep you smiling til the day you realize you can do much better :3
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omg im in the same position! im so freaking obsessed with my boyfriend i dont know what to do, im always so worried an anytime hes not with me im always wondering what hes doing an i always get mad when he doesnt txt back fast an i hate when hes with his friends im just the jelous an obssessive type i guess an i want it too stop! but i guess whats kinda helping is hanging out with friends its the best solution. an not just any friend. get a friend thats always talking an always making you laugh an isnt boring thats the best(:
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ph yeah! that thing is happening to me right now at this very moment.. i have to admit it.. i hate it when my guy would go back to their place cause i know i'll be out of his mind! i really hate it when his friends would take him elsewhere.
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Alright I'm a guy and I have to tell you obsessing over a boyfriend is a bad thing. I knew a girl I was interested in who was an obsessive though I found that out later. It only developes to being worse and worse as the obsession progresses and makes you more likely to obsess should you break up or you may do something rather drastic should such an event occur. Anyways this girl actually let her boy friend control her life and when he told her to burn his name into her arm she did. I'm not saying it's a given that your boyfriend will be abusive but I'm just trying to show you a worst case scenario that happened to a very good friend of mine. She wound up driving most of her friends away because he told her to do so and she could not give up her obsession. Hell to break her of her fear of entering another relationship with the worry of it being abusive that when I dated her I had to show such unconditional love and care that it strained me to the breaking point before she finally felt secure in herself and in others to be trusting again. Don't let it happen to you and I have a big thing with people who do this to themselves and even though you may be a complete stranger I have to say that you are not alone and that if you need help there are always people to turn to. Listen to your friends and if the relationship turns unhealthy drop it immediately and take solace in friends and family. Also it may be wise to ask your boyfriend for a break in the relationship so that for yourself you can break the obsession and go over your feelings and see what exactly caused the overwhelming feeling of need and see if it is really him you care about or the emotional anchor and the need to feel for someone. Please take this into consideration and be careful I hate to see people hurt themselves in such a manner.
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I used to be like that when I was young back then I was so insecure. Someday you'll grow out of it but try not to make yourself too available! You need to learn how to be happy without him. Find a hobby hangout with friends you'd be amazed at how your bf will react to your new independence He may visit more
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I experienced the same thing. I am overly obsessed with my boyfriend that i always have to urge to check on him all the time, i get freak out whenever he doesn't replies to me and i believed that it's getting worst everyday. Even if he has answered me i would questioned him again and again until the point where he feel annoyed and agitated by me. Even though the question has always be the same. I have been in an abusive relationship prior to this relationship,and in the past relationship, whenever my ex bf isn't talking, he is flirting with other girls.Hence, it makes me feel the same with my current bf, whenever he isn't with me, i don't feel safe.

Recently, i found that i am not as happy as i used to due to this constant pressure to check his where about and losing my mind over him. Yet i understand that the more im doing this, the further i am driving him away and the less he want to see me. I am trying to get rid of it, but each time when i want to stop, the obssesion comes back and i get the urge to check on him again.
I really hope that this problem will go away asap. Because he is really a nice guy.
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Same here.
If you can't help thinking of him all the time, you may try doing things 'for his sake'. Like sports to look better and to amaze him, cooking to surprise him later, learning things to have interesting conversations with him etc. Thus, you don't force yourself to forget about him but you also develop yourself. This works for me though I tend to be obsessed too:)
For example, when I feel I'm weak without him, I remember that he'd like to see me strong and happy, and so I try to change my mood with this thought.
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@: cool59
Thx....this really helped. I know he loves me but when we r apart I always get these horrible feelings and ideas in my head. I know they arent true but the time apart is so hard!
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@: Bella66
OMG my eyes are red & swollen as we speak,I was arguing with him a few hrs this morning cause i called him at 05H30 am and he never picked up I freak out when my bf dont call or text me back and for the past couple of months its been getting worse. This morning i accused him of cheating and now i regeret well, i always do & say things that i wll regret coz i know he loves me soo much but i cant help but be insecure when he wont text me back or call me! And im scared im going to loose him over this obsession, how do i keep calm and avoid these little negative thoughts in my head which always turn out to be untrue!I seriously do not want to loose him , especially cause he now wants to marry me but this thing is scarring him & he his not sure how will it affect us in the long run! please help people
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Its hard to change how you feel, but you need to work at control, so your obsession doesnt show, otherwise chances are good that he will get fed up and be done with you. Honey, guys need to be strung along just a little. Show him that you love him, but be your own independent person. Do not call him, text him obsessively, wait until he contacts you first, and then respond. In my experience no guy likes to be smothered.....
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I think abuse is a huge factor in being obsessive. When we have been treated very wrong in our past relationship and then we suddenly find someone who loves us and treats us nice we overly cling to him and don't want to lose him. I had a long abusive relationship. He never even said sweetheart..called me fat...yell at me and controlled me and made me feel like I failed at everything I did. Then I found this guy who loved and respected everything I did called me sweet names and was always very nice to me. I got so obsesses with him I didn't know how to leave him alone. I texted him 20 times a day or 4 days the least I ever texted him....I drove him away..he started wanting his space..and finally left me since inspite of all the love he had for me he couldn't take the constant need of me wanting him and he started to feel he had to be near the phone all the time or return my call within an hour. Even without wanting to tie him down I did and I feel so guilty. I never wanted to do that to him. He was such a nice guy but my past abusive relation with my exhusband and my abusive dad made me cling to him like I was a freaking nut when he wasn't there. Guys can be obsessive too if they haven't had past secure good healthy women in their life and suddenly they find a girl whose really nice. They get obsessive..I got to change..I better or else I will always be left alone. We got to learn to respect a guy's freedom and look for ways to stop the addiction of needing him all the time.
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i googled obsessed with boyfriend and it led me here. In my last relationship my bf and i talked all the time for 3 years together i never had to complain but in my new relationship, i see how he isnt the type that likes to talk so much it is drive me and him crazy. We talked about it and he's made changes and tries to make me happy by texting me and calling me whenever hes not busy but it still drives me crazy because it isnt as much as i want him to. i hope soon enough i will grow out of it, i dont want to lose him. we planned so much future together. i even got myself a psychatrist...
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@: nycxgee
OMG!!! I am so the same way with my bf. I see it's been over 3 years since your post but I was wondering what good your psych doc did for your obsession? I hope I'm not being to personal. Was going to consider one as well, hoping for some medicine to relieve me of this awfulness. I hate that I'm like this! Help!
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you should get some friends and start hanging out more, take your mind off of him. I'm kinda going through the same thing but I';m not as obsessed. the fact is the more obsessed I got the more me and my boyfriend began to argue. he now thinks I don't trust him because I flip when he's out or when other girls are around. I just moved to where I live so I don't have any friends if we're not together I'm home wondering what he's doing but most of the time we're texting allday or on the phone.

from past experiences I know this is bad because my last relationship ended because of this he loved me but I got to clingy so he fell outta love with me !
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I would say it is normal, yet it isn't. Like, its normal to miss your boyfriend. THAT'S for sure. But if you are always worried or missing him or what not, it isn't very good. I dated a guy once who was obsessive. And let me tell ya, it was not pleasant for me because he was ALWAYS texting me and calling me; freaking out if i don't text back in five minutes, or whatever. You get my drift. To not be obsessive, I would recommend either working things out with him on hanging out with him more or get video chat, ya know? Or just try to get your mind off of him by hanging out with some friends, having a girl's night out..anything that would do that for you. I wish ya the best. Good luck girl.
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give him some space!!! its great that you love him and all but i know from experience that it can be creepy as hell when someone cries when they go 2 days without seeing you. its ok to miss him, but this is pushing it!
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I have the same problem almost,
I had an abusive boyfriend, it was a serious relationship at a really young age now im still n my teens and i have a new boyfriend thats getting to be as serious and im really falling for him. the problem is, is that i cant stop thinkinag about him, when he calls all i want to do is pick fights with him if hes not responding the way i want him to its nuts!
but i hide it very well and try really hard not to let him see that im like tht, i give him alot of space and try and laugh things off when i say somthing stupid or start nagging, im starting to feel like i need serious help. and even though i hide it well i hate feeling this way.
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It really sounds to me that deep down you don't trust him I hope its paranoia and not womens intuition
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I am right now at this moment, at the midst of being obsessive. I know I am being too obsessed but I cant help myself this post made me realized and happy to know that I am not the only one obsessing with their bf. Gosh I tried to call him all day today and he didnt even answer me and return any of my calls. Later the end of the day he texted me to say he was out with his friends. But he went out again with his housemate for pool . I couldnt believe that he didnt even try to call me so i got so hurt inside that is why i ended up here. Cuz I realized that I'm being too much but i cant help it.
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Same here, my bf goes out and does alot of things with his friends on a daily basis ( which is not wrong) but he will wait until at least 12:00 am or even 3:00 am. to text or call. and it makes me so sad inside because he is the only person i ever talk to besides my cousin and she is boring. lol it makes me cry when he doesnt text or call. and i need to stop but idk how either.
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you gon' endup scaring that dude away, get some hobbies that you enjoy or hangout with your friends or jst do anything to take your mind off him, we all need our space sometimes
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i suffering from the same dilemma for quite some time now. I'm so obsessed with my bf that i always check where he is, like the eagerness to check his phone when his asleep. fight over small things, well he usually started it anyways, but we fought a lot that it came to the point that he started to show less interest about me, like he doesn't text as much as before or he seems always busy to talk... but i love him, and i know he loves me, so much that's why i'm i think i'm obsessed with him. We talked about it, and he said that i shouldn't be this way, because there's nothing for me to be scared about, but still whenever he's not replying to my txts, i get so freaked out... we even broke up a lot of times because of this, he even told me that i may end up losing him if i don't change. i want to, it's just that, it's hard especially at times when i think the reason he's not texting me or calling is because he's talking to another girl, or busy doing something with someone more important than me... and this drives him crazy, he told me that i just don't have trust in him, maybe i don't, i don't know what to do anymore...
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Aaaawww, so cute
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You're lovesick. Meaning, you're experiencing strong feelings of affection but you're too young and probably too naive to deal with them.
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are you talking to me?
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well just dont let him find out or know that you cry if you dont see him.he'll freak out.besides guys have this thing about feeling too overly important if you act like that.
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I know how you feel there I'm the same XD All you can do is keep yourself busy as possible to keep your mind off him. Have you other people you can spend all your time with when he's not around, or a sport you play, or anything like that?
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moon@day
i have the same issue but not as crazii as crying... but im pretty cazed with him.. i start picturing him with other girls... we ve been daitn 5days.. see my point? so like im not sure i dont have any thing to keep me occupied but i just try pouring my time into like writing but sometimes he shows up in my stories ... theres not much u can do but when ur with him make sure u get ur fill cause who knows when ull see him again n u dont wanna ened up all teary
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Ollieo
This is the kind of post that knowing an age would help. I'll guess teen.

It is nice you have such strong feelings for this fella, but they are overwhelming you. And being sad & depressed - well you can't go on like that.

So do your best to to maintain all the things you did before he was in your life - your friendships, family, school, hobbies, interests and so on. In time things will settle down.

If you were older & in a different stage of life I might ask how he feels & have you considered living together?
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I am having the same problem, I met this really nice guy who is in the army. Just came home from Iraq, but he wait until 5 or 6 to even txt or call me. We were supposed to see eachother today and he hasnt text me since yesterday and its 3:00 now. I know im being obsessive, but idk how to stop being that way. and im afraid he will think im some kind of stalker. Ive only known him for 2 months. I dont know if i have fallen for him or the idea of being in love with him, but it sucks because i want to always be with him and have his arms around me, but he rarely talks to me...and he has informed me that he is CRAZY about me. what should i do im going insane over here.
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Im in same situation. my BF broke up with me friday and i get told by his friends and brothers that also close to me , say im clngy and i dont give him space. i hardly see him. yes i cry cause i dont see him but whars a girl suppose to do. we suppose to be 1 year and 5 months together on his birthday , but really why doesnt he talk to me first. instead he will tell his brother and friends and he ends it with me. i love him soo much no one understands how much he means to me. but i feel lost and alone an really dont kmow what to do. i told him il give him space and il be waiting and that i love him. And now i just sit and wait. i dont have friends cause theyve back stabbed me and so he was my best friend/boyfriend/my man. I really do give up
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It's two days!!! Two days!!! It's normal to miss your significant other if you don't see them but crying over TWO DAYS is excessive and strange. It's not normal. If you can't see him call/email/video chat him.
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Haaaa this thread made me much better! I am not the only one.

I am apart for a little less 2 months for family reasons, from my 1-year long boyfriend. But I FREAKED THE HELL OUT, and scared him. We are still together though, thank god. But I wanted him to talk to me all day, call every morning and everynight, because I felt I needed it and that it was normal. It was not.

I am at home with my family doing nothing and he is getting ready for exams. So he is busy and I m not and now I had the silent treatment for 4 days because I gave him a big old tantrum over nothing after nagging him for the past 3 weeks we have been away.
Quite honestly I am happy he still loves me and we talked today and will skype tonight and tomorrow. But not everyday anymore. It is killing me but I know there is only 35 days left and we are moving together, have bought our tickets for our new destination together, so we just need to learn to chill out when it gets to their "man space".

Every relation ship is different, every man is different. There is a point were of course distance and silence is too much, so find your own balance with your partner. Even if, like me, you just want to scream how much you love him and then he tells you how much he loves you all the time and how we gonna live in a big pink castle with unicorns.
Yeah it does not happen.
However I just try to remember he loves me, he tells me regularly he does, and that if he needs space for his studies then so be it, I'll be nuzzling in his neck soon enough! Good Luck with your boyfriends!
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ladies, im here to tell you all what our real problem is. yes its not right for us to be too attached and call every fuckin minute. but we as women are natrually realllly loving creatures and we have soo much love to give. thats how were born. iv been with my boyfriend for 2 years and im obsessed with him. hes perfect and treats me like a princess,but i learn to give him space. yes its mind boggling cause hes alll i think about and it makes me feel guilty, he knows im obsessed with him and he loves it. but not when im being annoying. all i got to say is stay in control. dont call too damn much. but show him love and support and maturity and he will be crazy about you too!! good luck to you all! and remember that you are alll simply loving creatures <3
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I feel like I'm like this. Doesn't help that I'm pregnant with his kid. The most frustrating thing is that he makes friends that are female, which I don't really care about because its not that big of a deal. But, up until recently, he met this one chick and they Skype at 1/2am until like 4:30/5am not to mention, kicked me out of the basement because he wanted to hear her sing but she's insecure about her voice or whatever. So he kicked me out of the basement. Its upsetting because they always contact each other and I'm paranoid that maybe he thinks I'm just too much and wants to leave. Ugh. Relationships are too much.
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god................i wish that was my problem............my bf is overly insanly crazyly an very scarily obsessed with me.
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I wish i had it like the way you do.
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